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Does anyone want to finish this off for me?

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posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 11:22 AM
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Years ago when my baby brother was born I had the idea of writing a bedtime book for him.

He's 17 now because I got stuck after the first couple of lines but people still occasionally bug me about finishing it.

It's called The Gurgle Burglar and is about a mean spirited creature that steals into babys bedrooms and steals there gurgles rendering them gurgleless for some nefarious reason I never figured out.

So If anyone wants to have a crack at finishing it then be my guest, theres not a lot to go with.


The Gurgle Burglar.

The time is right the Burglar said,
As he clambered slowly out of bed.
The time is right,
I feel the need,
On babys gurglings to feed!

So off he crept in dead of night,
In darkened doorways out of site,
Untill he came to Milton Road,
AHA! he said young Jacks abode.

Thats as far as I got in 17 years...




posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 11:29 AM
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A bedtime story about a burglar? bedtime stories are suppose to help children go to sleep not give them nightmares lol



posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 11:32 AM
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What about the BFG?

In James and the giant peach His parents are eater by a tiger!

I assume it ends with young jack going off to defeat the evil baddie and get everyones gurgles back.

If not then I will not read it as an adult?

a reply to: Tardacus



posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 11:35 AM
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a reply to: nonspecific

He sneaked in slowly through the door,
Never enough, he wanted more,
He reached the bedroom, poised & ready,
To snatch the babies toys & teddys.

He reached in slow, the baby dreaming,
The toddler was awakened, screaming,
In came Father, his gun was drawn,
The Gurgle Burglar is no more.



That's the best I can do, my friend.



posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 11:36 AM
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Although i like that it is a little shorter than imagined and a little more brutal.

a reply to: CharlieSpeirs



posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 11:38 AM
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originally posted by: CharlieSpeirs
a reply to: nonspecific

He sneaked in slowly through the door,
Never enough, he wanted more,
He reached the bedroom, poised & ready,
To snatch the babies toys & teddys.

He reached in slow, the baby dreaming,
The toddler was awakened, screaming,
In came Father, his gun was drawn,
The Gurgle Burglar is no more.



That's the best I can do, my friend.


Love it.


Though, sleep on it and you will come back with a better, longer and more detailing poem.


Please do so x

Spiro



posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 11:39 AM
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a reply to: nonspecific

Young Jack's father blew the gurgle burglar away with a twelve gauge shotgun and the gurgle burglar died at the scene.
The End.

You are welcome.



posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 11:40 AM
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originally posted by: nonspecific
Years ago when my baby brother was born I had the idea of writing a bedtime book for him.

He's 17 now because I got stuck after the first couple of lines but people still occasionally bug me about finishing it.

It's called The Gurgle Burglar and is about a mean spirited creature that steals into babys bedrooms and steals there gurgles rendering them gurgleless for some nefarious reason I never figured out.

So If anyone wants to have a crack at finishing it then be my guest, theres not a lot to go with.


The Gurgle Burglar.

The time is right the Burglar said,
As he clambered slowly out of bed.
The time is right,
I feel the need,
On babys gurglings to feed!

So off he crept in dead of night,
In darkened doorways out of site,
Untill he came to Milton Road,
AHA! he said young Jacks abode.

Thats as far as I got in 17 years...


so upon his horse got on and road,
he heard that sound in the dead of night,
enough to turn his ways,
to give back all gurgles
right then without delay,
then he thought to himself what to do now,
carry on going and end up caught,
or fight the demons he once sort,
he thought thing over with a bottle of fanta,
and changed his ways and became santa.
he filled his sack full with toys,
now the man brings children's joy.

edit on 18-12-2014 by haven123 because: (no reason given)

edit on 18-12-2014 by haven123 because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 11:41 AM
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a reply to: nonspecific

Yeah initially I thought the gun was a bit over the top...


But it could be good education for youngsters to know their rights when a burglar enters the house & what to expect.
edit on 18-12-2014 by CharlieSpeirs because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 11:42 AM
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Well if were going down that route how about

The police swooped in and arrested him for historic gurgleburgling in cooperation with operation yewtree?

a reply to: butcherguy



posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 11:44 AM
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edit on 18-12-2014 by haven123 because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 11:44 AM
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That would make a brilliant ending!

I think if we can fill the middle out a little that would be awsome.

a reply to: haven123



posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 11:44 AM
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a reply to: Spiro

thanks.

I'll try my friend, I'm more into political lyricism than story telling poetry.

I'd struggle to take it any further than that I think.



posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 11:46 AM
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Me too at the time I was a mohawk sporting punk rock guitar playing animal so it was a bit out of my comfort zone.

a reply to: CharlieSpeirs



posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 11:51 AM
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originally posted by: CharlieSpeirs
a reply to: Spiro

thanks.

I'll try my friend, I'm more into political lyricism than story telling poetry.

I'd struggle to take it any further than that I think.




You were once guiding into political lyricism that encouraged the lyrical poet within you. Now, all you have to do is change your mindset, sleep on it, think outside the box and you my friend will not only complete this poem, but also learn a new skill, a new way of presenting lyrics and a whole new way to express your self.

The positive vibes and guidance are with you


Spiro x



posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 11:58 AM
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I have been sleeping on it for an estimated 6025 times and came up with nothing.


a reply to: Spiro



posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 12:02 PM
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a reply to: nonspecific

The time is right the Burglar said,
As he clambered slowly out of bed.
The time is right,
I feel the need,
On babys gurglings to feed!

So off he crept in dead of night,
In darkened doorways out of site,
Untill he came to Milton Road,
AHA! he said young Jacks abode.

Lying sleepling, peacefully he thought
I could pounce and grab run he thought
His mind made up up, he must go on
Though now is not right, it would be full on

The darkness thickens within his soul
I could take young Jacks, his body his soul
Waiting for the calm
Waiting for the pounce
I need to calibrate my every ounce
For i am the thief of every gurglings
I will obide my time with every earthling...

That's as far as I have got lol

C'mon Charlie, help me out here


Spiro



posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 12:02 PM
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originally posted by: nonspecific
I have been sleeping on it for an estimated 6025 times and came up with nothing.


a reply to: Spiro



lmao that is soooo funny.

Sleep more man


Spiro



posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 12:04 PM
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a reply to: Spiro



That's excellent.


I'll have a think and see if I can assist.



posted on Dec, 18 2014 @ 12:12 PM
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originally posted by: CharlieSpeirs
a reply to: Spiro



That's excellent.


I'll have a think and see if I can assist.


Bless ya.

A poem is to be an estimated 11/12 paragraphs so the beginning is there with some [need for improvement] middle, all we need is a decent ending lol

Then, we can work on the whole poem, words, rhyme, lyrics etc.

Spiro x




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