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Christmas Office Party

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posted on Dec, 15 2014 @ 02:40 PM
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 1, 2014
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon, in the private function room at the Grill House.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1pm; exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 2, 2014
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party".
The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians,
and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.
We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 3, 2014
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign that reads "AA members only at this table", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody ... help!
And sorry, but forget about the gift-exchange ... no gifts will be allowed because the union members feel that $10 is too much money, and the executives think $10.00 is a little chintzy.

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: November 4, 2014
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are!
I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.
There goes the party!
Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House could hold off serving your meal until the end of the party, and package everything for you to take home in little foil doggy bags. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet,
and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other.
Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men.
Each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed - apparently because of concerns of confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food - the Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: November 5, 2014
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!!
We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table farthest from the "grill of death" as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.
But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too - they scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I 'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!

Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: November 6, 2014
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party, and instead will give everyone the afternoon of the 24th off with full pay.
Happy Whatever!

edit on 15-12-2014 by violet because: (no reason given)

posted on Dec, 15 2014 @ 03:15 PM
Very funny nice one old bean.

posted on Dec, 15 2014 @ 03:27 PM
a reply to: EnigmaAgent

this had me laughing pretty hard. i can just imagine this happening.

posted on Dec, 16 2014 @ 05:21 PM
I heard this on the radio yesterday. Had us all laughing so hard, we had to pull over for a bit.

I'm looking for the audio clip, but I am not seeing it anywhere.


posted on Dec, 16 2014 @ 06:10 PM

So, it's from a local radio station.

You'll have to scroll down the page to the small section on the left side of the page with a play button, as their webpage is messed up.

Office party audio from KOSi101

posted on Mar, 17 2015 @ 04:35 AM
Yeah dear, this Christmas office party of mine was also very wonderful. I enjoyed a lot with my colleagues and office friends. The food was delicious and the Dj was amazing too. All and all it was a rocking party.

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