posted on Dec, 10 2014 @ 12:23 PM
Okay ATS, you got me.
After a long hiatus from this site I felt I had to comment. Been on the downturn of depression these past few days and randomly came by to look at
stuff in the philosophy category. Saw this thread and it speaks to me.
Cutting through all the "man up sissy" comments from both men and women. As well as disregarding all the unnecessary feminism banter.
There are some really articulate posts about the actual subject, guys who are opting out. Kudos to the few of you who have made this an enlightening
I'm a 29 year old white male. I have never had a girlfriend and I am still a virgin. I still live at home with my folks and I work nights as a
cashier for a gas station. I am of average shape and descent looks. I have a car and pay all my own bills and do all my own chores. I still live at
home because paying my parents rent is cheaper.
For me, a lot of this topic has missed a couple points. It has very little to do with feminism. Which by the way seems to consistently get grouped
together with misandry. Which is of course unfortunate.
I am dominatly introverted. A lot of my day is spent inside my own head. Expressing my self to others (let alone someone I'm interested in) has never
My experiences with dating and having feelings for someone have never been good ones. In high school I was overweight, so understandably I was not
sought after by the ladies. The few I did pursue had no interest back.
After high school when I got a job I lost a bunch of weight. Worked on me a little more. Feeling more confident I decided it would be okay to allow my
self to pursue interest again.
It was here I realized (about 22 at this point) that my lack of experience at this age was more of a hindrance then my lack of confidence. I no longer
had any female friends. After another failure I took up the stance once again to no longer allow my self interest.
Fast forward to 25, I once again find myself with a female friend. She is everything I wanted in a girl to have a relationship with. Once I finally
put it out in the open, she did not feel the same. Again, I shut down (it seemed like we'd 've such a good match, not just to me but to friends as
Another factor not discussed is family pressures. I am the younger one in the family and my brother is gay. This, to me, means I am the only one most
likely to provide grandchildren.
I want to be able to do that for my parents as much as they want it. With my awkwardness towards women though (specifically ones I'm interested in)
this seems very unlikely to happen. I have let my family down in this respect. From high school until now, I felt like I've been running out of time
to be able to provide this.
Introvertism and family pressures aside, there are other factors as well. I grew up believeing being friends first and then starting a relationship
makes for a better relationship in the long run. I still do believe that. I want to believe that, I have to believe that.
The alternative is something I'm not into. I have no desire for one night stands, flings, friends with benifts. I have sexual desire, but I don't
ever feel the need to pursue solely that.
Sex, to me, is something that you can get better at with practice. The idea of starting a relationship because the sex was good is foreign to me. Why
would you not want to base it off of compatible personalities? Cuz the sex might be bad? Probably, but it can get better. This, I think, is lost on a
lot of people.
To me, the human emotion that is 'love' is potentially the best thing about being alive. It is all I have ever desired. I don't want lots of money
or really fancy things. I to hold someone close, go on adventures with. To be able to truely and honestly open up to someone.
When presented with the question, what do you want to do in life? Experience love. I don't care about anything else. Maybe I should, but I've never
had a passion for anything. Some people are born with talent. Other refine their unique skills and do things in life that they love to do.
This isn't something I can figure out on my own. I need my better half. Driving me, inspiring me. Making me aware of what makes me great and
supporting me on the way to it.
All these things, and even more have weighed heavily on my mind over the past 15 years. It is nothing but constant chaos inside my brain. It is
extremely depressing and gets to be more so with every passing day.
Suicide is something I think about on a daily basis. The driving force of why I don't comes in the form of self medication. Video games and marijuana
have filled this hole in my heart. Allowing me to take perspective on what my death would mean to those around me.
I hate my life, even though I tons of people have it way worse, and I want to die. This is the nature of depression.
People will tell all these things on how to improve your life and how you can feel better. The problem is I'm not broken in that way. I don't need
pills or therapy. I need human interaction.
The feeling of a loving embrace (hug) is the most powerful thing ever. It has been about two years since I last hugged a girl. I long for that feeling
Every interaction with society has been confusing to me, like an alien visitor trying to make sense of this strange little planet. Yet here I am,
working an extroverts job in an attempt to be around people. Staying with my family so as to not feel completely isolated.
I may have abandoned any hope of someone taking up interest in me. I even strickly enforce celibacy to avoid rejection. I want to no longer exist
every day I wake up...but I will endure.
Today I finally realised I am not alone. Regardless of how people feel about "nice guys", there are others out there going through similar
circumstances who shame the same opinions.
Thank you random peoples of the wordl for your comments and views on the subject. Though I doubt change will happen anytime soon. I do believe I can
start the long climb out of this pit, clinging to my last bit of optimism.