So I have a Six Year Old daughter who thinks she's my Son...

I posted this in the discussion due to the recent court ruling of bathrooms, but wanted to get it somewhere else, and added more here.. sorry if it's confusing to read, it's even more confusing to live:



I've very torn on this. I have a six year old for about 2 years insist she is a boy. Last night she had to take a "break" in the mall, so I made her go into the girls bathroom while I waited outside with my baby. Mom went in to "help" her when she showed up, and my daughter was telling a stranger who walked in "I'm a boy even though I'm in here but it's o.k. cause of mommy being in here'.

She perfers I call her "Jake" and that she is a boy, but I only do it occationally. She accepts when I call her by her name, but I know deep down inside she doesn't like it. She also knows dad isn't really to keen on It. At six kids are very smart no matter what you try to hide. She gets really pissed off if I say she has "lady parts" it's hard for me to accept obviously because I still refer to her as her. She's my daughter, NOTHING she chooses will change that as how I see her. All I know is it's very real, it controls her every thought. She is constantly asking about buying "boy clothes' her whole wardrobe is "boy clothes" I try to explain she is a tom boy, and she will go with that, till I hear her saying to an old lady " I'm supposed to tell you I'm a tom boy, but I'm a boy, don't say I'm a nice girl."

I'm not for her using a men's bathroom, but she sure as hell is embarrassed by using the ladies room.

F*@$@)@ that's all I have to say about that, but this is definitely not a black and white issue. I see both sides. I know when I'm taking a dump I don't care if some lady dressed like a man comes in. But I still see them as ladies. I know if my daughter was in a bathroom, and some dude dressed like a lady tried to go into the women's bathroom, I might threaten to punch him in the face if he wasn't willing to wait for my daughter to come out first.

Life is tricky sometimes. Their is no right answer to this. It's hard. It causes a rift between my wife and I. She is way more liberal about it then I am. I have a believe "you are what you are" I want to play QB for the New York Jets, but I can't (well maybe I can who knows!) as much as she wants to be a boy, but can't.

Here is the scary part. The research coming out (the little their is) says that almost all people in her shoes at this age are gay or bisexual, and most actually grow up to cross-dress and this is not the "phase" everyone seems to tell me it is. It's enough to break you down emotionally as a human being having a kid like this, I couldn't begin to imagine the pain it's going to cause her that will be lifelong...

All I can do is be dad, here for her. I will not be perfect, I may say things she doesn't like. Some of them will be right, most of them will be wrong. But .. I'll be dad, and I'll be here for her.. or him...

It may seem like a complicated situation on the surface, but ultimately making sure the child is loved makes up for a whole lot of screw ups by the parents.

Life is always going to provide us with challenges and as long as we remember to love each other it will all work out in the end.

Good luck!

She will either grow out of it or not.
Just give her/him love and let her/himself sort out the rest.
You can't force kids into being someone they don't want to be it only causes resentment.
She is 6 just go with the flow.

a reply to: Vaedur

Love her for who she is.

Screw society and it's rules!

This is personal and you don't have to answer.

Did you ever miscarry a child ?

Just curious.

a reply to: Vaedur

Have you considered that she may be living out a past life experience. I think there is ample evidence of PLEs.

www.carolbowman.com...

and to echo Metallicus...love each other it will all work out in the end.

a reply to: whyamIhere

I can answer no, my wife has not. I never carried a child , Just wife.

a reply to: whyamIhere

I hope not the OP is a dude.

originally posted by: seeker1963
a reply to: Vaedur

Love her for who she is.

Screw society and it's rules!

There is a lot to be said for that, I agree. Their is definitely no lack of love. Just a lot of parental confusion, lol.

Your last line, "I'll be dad, and I'll be here for her.. Or him", that's all you can do, and just saying that shines a light on the person that you are, you may not understand at times, and that's understandable, but the fact that your willing to be there for whoever she turns out to be, that will make all the difference. It takes great strength to face life sometimes, expecially in a world so cold to those who are a little different, she will need your love and support for the times ahead, and judging by what you said, she's gonna be just fine no matter who she decides to be. Stay strong and open minded my friend, and she (or he) will follow your lead.

Maybe she's having a past life regression.....in her last life she was jake, and that's what she feels and remembers. I know that's a crazy thought but try to find out WHO and WHERE jake was, if you can. Write down what she tells you and do some research. You might be surprised.....there are documented stories of this happening with other children, and the parents looking up the info only to find that other child did live at knee time....I don't know, otherwise my other advice is that she's just a kid going through a phase.

originally posted by: Vaedur
a reply to: whyamIhere

I can answer no, my wife has not. I never carried a child

, Just wife.

Sorry...

This is quite common. Agree with everyone else...Loving her is all you can do.

If you ever get pregnant...Let me know

As emotional as it is for you, her life will be even harder for her if you can't fully accept. Easier said than done for some people so I sympathise with you.

My boyfriend's daughter dressed and acted as a boy til she was about fifteen then suddenly became "ladylike" beyond even normal. Her family had embraced her being a boy to the point even some of her childhood friends were shocked when she became a very elegant, beautiful girl, because they thought she was a boy fully. Not all kids change like this but it is their destiny to play out regardless.

I know of the hurt from parents not accepting as I am bisexual and my family told me in my teens that if I still felt that way at forty they would believe me. My fortieth birthday came and went without me mentioning it cause on some level them sweeping it under the rug still hurts and I'm still bisexual (though in a relationship with a guy). It was never really their business but I just wanted to be accepted by them. Kids need acceptance to become strong.

Sounds like you are a great parent and just are concerned about your kids future, understandable. Hang in there!

It certainly can't hurt to get her some counseling.
There might be something going on in her mind that brought this out that needs solving through psychological means. Or, and I hate to suggest it, but she may also have had some kind of trauma or assault that affected her as well.

I'm not saying that there "Must" be something wrong with her. I had identity issues myself as a child and I don't understand why. I'm just saying it's a possibility and you shouldn't leave any stone unturned as I'm sure you know what a struggle she has in front of her if it goes that way.

There may be more to the story that can be helped through counseling and delicate exploration of what's going on with her.

Kudos for being so strong and nonjudgmental with your child. She will be lucky to have you through whatever comes in her life.

Haha I have a 7 year old daughter who thinks she is my wife, mother, and kid depending on what she is trying to get me to buy for her!

You will get answers from she is trans gender to she is a reincarnated boy to maybe she is an alien...take it all with a grain of salt. There is most likely a very logical explanation.

I had one kid who insisted she was a puppy for about 3 months and any talk to the contrary would agitate her to no end, but she wasn't a dog and she realized that later.

Is there ANY chance she overheard something -or- misunderstood something that would make her believe you wanted a boy instead of a girl?

Think carefully, it could have been anything she heard you say to someone, yourself or even to the television....

My first thought was she "thinks" you would rather have a boy for some reason instead of a daughter. Maybe you didn't say that but she may have interpreted something you said inside her 6 year old mind to think thats what you meant. Children want to please you badly so if that's what she "thinks" you want.......

Maybe try to go at it from that direction and see if you can get any info from her? Just a thought.

originally posted by: mwood
You will get answers from she is trans gender to she is a reincarnated boy to maybe she is an alien...take it all with a grain of salt. There is most likely a very logical explanation.

I had one kid who insisted she was a puppy for about 3 months and any talk to the contrary would agitate her to no end, but she wasn't a dog and she realized that later.

Is there ANY chance she overheard something -or- misunderstood something that would make her believe you wanted a boy instead of a girl?

Think carefully, it could have been anything she heard you say to someone, yourself or even to the television....

My first thought was she "thinks" you would rather have a boy for some reason instead of a daughter. Maybe you didn't say that but she may have interpreted something you said inside her 6 year old mind to think thats what you meant. Children want to please you badly so if that's what she "thinks" you want.......


Maybe try to go at it from that direction and see if you can get any info from her? Just a thought.

I know she is all about daddy. I'm the player, and I'm the one who is always like "hey lets go her or lets go do this, or whatever. She wants to be me she says sometimes. Honestly, if I was to guess, I would guess she is gay and it's hard for her to understand, so it makes more sense for her to "be a boy" so she can "like girls". I don't know, that's just what I seem to think and see... Also, it has been about two years I think.

I wouldn´t worry too much !
I was like a tomboy when i grew up, i did everything like a boy would and all my hobbies were something that a boy would do. I don´t remember asking people to call me with a male name but i did achieve a male nickname. Even teachers called me with this name. I have never been fond of make ups or parfyms and some point in my late twenties i actually bought something more femine to wear even still i like more comfortable clothes rather than fashionable.
I am happily married to my husband and we have a great son

She is still a kid and let her be like she feels like, you can make a deal with her so she can pick a name she want to be called among family or so, but she needs to use girls bathroom name doesn´t make her a man and she might find her femine self later.. i did

Loving "Jake" is the most important part and you've got that covered. I think the best thing you can do is call her Jake and refer to her as a boy... if it's that much a part of her life she truly could be transgendered. Children even if they play with toys that are traditionally assigned to the opposite gender or play like they are the opposite gender don't refer to themselves as the opposite sex and insist others do as well if it's just a phase or they are a "tomboy".

Ultimately, you will need to talk to Jake's doctor about this but if you honor the gender identity the child is insisting on, you can hold off on that for a couple more years. If you feel like you can't handle that then talk the doctor now and start getting some support. I'm sure there's even anonymous hotlines you can call if you're not ready to talk to the doctor. Treating your daughter as a boy will not hurt her one bit if it turns out later that it was just a phase. If you want a happy, healthy, secure child... which you obviously do, go for acknowledging her boyhood. Fake it til you make it.

As far as public bathrooms go, simply tell her that mens rooms are really messy and germy and that most boys go into the womens room with their moms until they are older, best part about that is that it's the truth.

Don't worry about it too much. She's young and exploring. I wholeheartedly think that as she gets older though, you should be more willing to go along with what she says, as it may be much more than exploration.

I know a lot of females that while they were younger wished that they were boys. Myself included. Some people grow out of it, some people don't. Best thing you can do is just love your child for who they are, and be as accepting as possible.