We Don't Have To Be Anything.

Isms and schisms Bob Marley called it. Many years ago during my captivity of indoctrination, before I became aware that there were forces manipulating me for reasons of control, it was Bob Marley who first drew my attention to the indoctrination of thought control and that the authorities vigorously and aggressively seek to control the inmates of societies.

Being very fluent in mood (I am bi polar) I have naturally swung from side to side on many spectrums. I can't really say I know myself because I constantly surprise myself with changes in interest and ideas. I wonder even what is this self I am supposed to be knowing. People find me very difficult to be with because they are not able to get to know me either because I am very unpredictable, very much beyond the norm. That makes people uncomfortable and wary. It has meant a lonely life, but now I take advantage of the space and freedom from relationships to experiment with my mind. I have experimented so much with myself psychologically, sometimes even quite dangerously and ended up in a bit of a mess for a while.

One thing I have come to realize is that I don't have to be anything anymore. Have you ever awoken in the morning and caught that brief interval before you take on the garments of your personality and life? It is like you slowly remember who you are and what you are supposed to be. For me it is all an outer skin and in fact bars of a prison cell of our own making.

Why do I have to pin any label on myself or even pay attention to a label another is trying to pin on me? None of it is useful to me. I refuse to be called any label from now on. I am just me and I change all the time. I am like the weather and I can shift psychological shape according to my desire and likes. I seem to be getting free of emotion, of need and of all the restraints and my will seems to wander wherever I wish to concentrate my being.

This is not possible if you have people close to you. Could you imagine how you would confuse your partner, family and friends who are close to you if you changed so frequently? They would never feel on solid ground with you. That is how people are with me. I've said even to my Mother before that she will never understand me because I am not fixed in any form or sticking to any script of personality. My ex left me after saying "Why can't you just be normal?" It has meant so much oppression and loss to pursue this course of being. I make them uncomfortable because they cannot pin a label on me. I refuse to be a prisoner of others' perception. I'm labelled bi polar because that is useful to the authorities as I am a problem to them in that I will not behave the way they want me to. I was even willing to starve to make my point and almost did. I am not pretending to be anything. I am just being who I am and it is not possible to live any other way because it would be an act beyond my energy to maintain without great psychological stress that would have eventual traumatic consequences for me.

My biggest hope was to understand free will in this short life. I wanted to experience this. I have experienced it and even if I am physically trapped in a certain layer of society and they pin labels upon me I do not have to pay those labels any mind. In my thought processes I am free and only what I want to reach me can reach me. Hope I explained this in a way others can comprehend.

Free at last! Free at last! FREE AT LAST!

I was on a dating site and found that 16 personality thing mentioned in most profiles, took a test and read something interesting. It was that I like to argue and sometimes argue something I don't believe in just for the exercise. It feels weird to be baseless and argue yourself out of a hole. I myself try not to use any of the attacks, bring in emaotion or cyclical argument styles, but just straight up saying things people haven't considered and watch them struggle. Also in the opposite way in that when people try to manipulate me I steamroll through it. Sometimes, I've been told, I say things that cut so deep, so insightful, that people get angry/scared etc. So I can agree with what you said that its a lonely existence. IDK but all this experimenting is way more interesting than watching TV, playing puzzle games for structure of mind...
Why seek structure of thought when formlessness, Bruce Lee style, is what really works.

I've thought about this before. I remember in high school, I didn't want to be labeled as a nerd, or a goth, or jock, or whatever. I just wanted to be me, someone who played sports but also enjoyed learning with a wide range of interests.

It's also true for adults in many aspects, particularly on political stance. For example, if I say I'm a Republican, then it's expected that I'm conservative and must take a given stance on certain issues regardless of how I may actually feel about the issue - so that I should be against gay marriage, against abortion, pro war, etc... even to the extent that I generally only listen to classic rock or country music. Instead of being able to pick and choose across the spectrum based on how I may actually feel.

My point is that it we are told our entire lives to identify ourselves as groups instead of individuals.

a reply to: Emeraldous

Yes, I get you.

Honesty is prime concern. It is everything to me. When we are honest we are both wrong and right. We are wrong sometimes because we are not perfect. It is better to be honest.

I'm not an anarchist. I believe in a degree of social law and order. I am not one to be making the rules though. My biggest worry is to not hurt others. I realise that every other human being is me. They are a conscious entity and I know only too well what the pain of oppression, of deceit, of violence is like and to put any of that on anyone else would bring me as much pain as them. That is how I operate. My mind games are restricted to myself.

It is a shame that the stranger and more out of the norm psyches have to walk an often lonely path.

Being like me I find domineering psyches hardest to deal with. I can't stand the imposition of another dominant will or any attempt at that for too long. Short bursts I can do out of my good nature and politeness. Equal is best. I neither want to lead or be led, I want to share. A gentle and sincere friendship and companionship and sharing of wills.

You would be amazed how isolated I am. I sometimes don't interact beyond getting served at the supermarket every couple of days for two weeks at a time and then it is only a few hours with family. I am having to live my life very much in my thoughts. It amazes me what we can do with our minds. For me that is the greatest gift of all. It is free and is the central control of all we are and do.

I have something so many people do not have; time and space. I realised some months back when I asked myself what is my favourite thing in life. I went through an enormous list and the only meaningful and most precious of all was the ability to think. "I think therefor I am"!

I said to my Mum the other day on the phone "The thing I enjoy most is thinking"! My poor ol' Mum, lol

a reply to: cleverhans

Hi.

Thanks for your reply.

Yes, you have felt this, too. Exactly that. I was always a socialist, but recently according to my analysis I voted right wing (Republican U.S). It freaked people out when I told them. It really upset people.

Right now I would not vote for anybody because that is how I feel. I am disillusioned with what is on offer.

If our western societies are allowed to develop without our freedoms being eroded I think that people will develop very much along individual lines. Already we see it happening. The diversity of opinion, experience and personality here on ATS is proof of that. We see more and more laws aimed at protecting the individual.

Freedom of information, freedom of speech, freedom from violence and oppression are all friends of free will and expression. Yes, we need a framework of law and morality, I would not argue with that, but that Statue of Liberty is there as a reminder.

By not wanting to be "anything", aren't you still wanting to be the idea you perceive as "not being controlled"?
Yet, still in bondage to an idea? Yes - I get it... you do not want your self perceived "self" influenced by outside forces. I have experienced this same desire, and for me, my troubles were within the confinements of my ego. The more I built up this idea of "who I am", the more complex this idea became, and the more separated I felt from everyone else. When I live a life based on this "self" (this made up character I tell myself that "I am" on a daily basis.) - the more trouble I seem to experience. The answer I find for myself happens in just being. I practice meditation frequently that helps strip away the judgments I have against others and these labels I put on myself. - Even though this realization is only temporary, there is much relief.

Not sure if you can relate to any of this, or if it even makes sense in context to the message you were trying to relay, but it's where my mind brought me when I read your post.

Cheers.

a reply to: lonesomerimbaud

Its true but we don't have to don't be something either. What has always been will always be and, yet having always been, can never truly be.

a reply to: lonesomerimbaud

Yes, you need to react to people in certain ways in order to fit within society - mainly because they all stick to the "norm" and reject behaviours that they deem to be "abnormal". It is all apart of the construct of society, many "rules" that people obey succinctly in their day to day interactions might not be as obvious to somebody whom wants to truly express themselves. I am all too aware of the expectations that they have of me, and if I want to have normal "life" then I need to follow suit. It is terribly restricting, although the funny thing is, is that I accept others even if they do behave strangely, and I see no problems with many behaviours that society would label as "disorders".

a reply to: lonesomerimbaud

Hi Lone, i know what you mean about waking in the morning and feeling quite free, before the thought's come rushing in. It's a wonderful experience. Also sometimes you will notice at night when you are in the process of going to sleep that the mind will go where it want's without any effort from you whatsoever. It will start chattering away and you notice that actually you are the observer of thoughts, the witness. This is the best time IMHO for this phenomena to be noticed and for the realization of truth to dawn on you.

S&F for your observations and for bringing the great Bob Marley into the conversation.

I used to get angry, sometimes uncontrollably angry, justifiably of course. I would start by externalizing it and throughout my life I have internalized it more and more until it blew a fuse. It starts with personal things or when you take things personal, but those are attainable because its me and my reaction. The one that gets me right now is the world, the one that I cannot attain understanding but I realize something. Lasting, foundational confidence on which to build a sane outlook on life is a journey with a simple uncorruptable message. The only thing that you can change is you.
Get your confidence, out there is filled with folly or people who have not; had the time, the will, the gift to do as you are doing. Then understand them as they are, and sit back and let a laugh or two out. How hard is it to manipulate someone who laughs at you?

originally posted by: [post=18719127]lonesomerimbaudMy biggest hope was to understand free will in this short life. I wanted to experience this. I have experienced it and even if I am physically trapped in a certain layer of society and they pin labels upon me I do not have to pay those labels any mind. In my thought processes I am free and only what I want to reach me can reach me. Hope I explained this in a way others can comprehend.

Free at last! Free at last! FREE AT LAST!

Free will does not exist; same as self will. Your life was programed; you think you have free will, you do not (everything is not a coincidence happening within your life span). You have no control in this life as you already planned it prior to incarnation to learn lessons and improve your path (that of your souls enlightenment). You may think you have free will, but all is already ordained.

Where is your cup?

I gave some change to the last guy I heard spouting off like this.

It was in Portland, Oregon. Dude had dreds and a dog and was banging on a bucket down at Saturday Market.

originally posted by: AgentShillington
Where is your cup?

I gave some change to the last guy I heard spouting off like this.
It was in Portland, Oregon. Dude had dreds and a dog and was banging on a bucket down at Saturday Market.

Who are you responding to? ME; in the event you were: Portland,OR is the porn video plus pleasure toys Capitol USA; (the square footages of numerous Coscos/the numbers of totally nude strip bars per capita of the western hemisphere one on every block); but oddly one can only buy 40% proof alcohol in a regulated underground state run establishment, and those are seek and find like an old fashioned speakeasy; who knows who, Nudity/sex toys and video tapes good/alcohol bad. Grocery stores sell wine and beer only! Do not bring your children up in Oregon as that state is very confusing as to its messaging regarding what your/their taxes are actually paying for (the corruption and manipulation goings on is unbelievable),

I was on LaSalle Street (loop area) Chicago, walked by a dedicated beggar (stuck in sit position) whom asked me this "Do you have a quarter to spare". I said "No, I threw the last one in the gutter, two streets up". I once drove by a hitchhiker (I guessed him to be any potential relative past or future) and slowed down saying to him "SORRY, MY TRUNK IS FULL".

a reply to: vethumanbeing

No, I'm not.

I actually have nothing to say to you at all other than this.

I don't know why, but I felt a compulsion to post a reply. Not sure exactly what my purpose is. I do not know exactly what this thread is all about. I thought you were crazy at first. But I don't care. I'm free.

Kind of.

Whether or not we have to be anything or do anything, without basic necessities we will die. I know that much. Like you, I think my most valued possessions are my thoughts, my dreams and so forth.

"I think, therefore I am." René Descartes. That quote means more to me than it did when I heard it the first couple times. But for me it has an additional meaning. I don't believe my thoughts are the only real thing because I don't believe I came from nothing. Therefore, there's something else I came from. What's it? The universe? Other people? God? Something. It's logical to assume I came from my parents and we came from this Earth, from a long genetic lineage on a tree of life encompassing probably billions of years. But who knows? I know I and something else exist.

I think other people are as they appear to be: other people like myself. We're all beings. Yet others, in sum, are more than me, more than I can know. We live forever through each other and creation.

The only thing I fear is suffering, whether I experience it or others do. Like the OP, I don't want to see or experience hurt. I know when others hurt it could have been me or might be me someday. What goes around comes around. I admire stalwart souls who sail masterfully the turning seas.

Nevermind me. I just needed a place to say something.

a reply to: jonnywhite

Like they say JW who is it that is aware of your thoughts? When your thoughts stop there is still awareness right?

originally posted by: AgentShillington
a reply to: vethumanbeing

No, I'm not.

I actually have nothing to say to you at all other than this.

Great, its nice to know I've accidently; by happenchance (the universe apparently commanded) made a BRAND NEW friend.

a reply to: jonnywhite
Die or not (that is a silly supposition) you have individualized your soul/spirit and it exists beyond that meat sack you are walking around in, Zombies prevail. The whole point is not to have a SIDS type death, and at least gain enough experience in this world to call yourself "ME" IAM existing as that UNIQUE individuated spark that AUO cut from itself so you can express it. God is definitely lazy; letting us do the dirty work.

originally posted by: DrunkYogi
a reply to: jonnywhite

Like they say JW who is it that is aware of your thoughts? When your thoughts stop there is still awareness right?

Your Higher self, but only if beforehand you paid it handsomely to remember you to others. Like a backhanded 'sympathy' card sent in advance of the passing.

May I ask how do you support yourself job wise?
a reply to: lonesomerimbaud