Sad but true

I no longer want to be in a relationship(well not totaly but mostly).Im not in one at the moment and havent for quite some time now.If you would like to know then send me a message.There is a part of me that does want to find a woman to marry havr kids with and spend the rest of my life with but have accepted that this wont ever happen.Its sad but true.Its very depressing and hard to live with.My family doesnt understand why I dont ever try to get a girl but thats also cause i havent told them and wont causr i kniw thy wont understand.There are alot of inteligent and understanding people on this forum and im hoping to get some responsesthat may help me.Maybe some of you have gone through what im going through and have been going through.Any words would be appreciated thanks.

a reply to: Flowfessional

i had those feeling for a long time.
then i met my wife

i think its normal to go through periods like this.
nothing wrong with not getting married and/or having kids. if thats not what you want then its not what you want.
its your life and piss on the family if they dont understand. they dont have to

a reply to: Flowfessional

I am concerned that it looks like You are giving up. DON'T!!! I was just out of a bad 2 year marriage and thought the same thing. That I did not want another heart breaking relationship. Then I fell into where I am now. I was not out looking for a permanent relationship, had a few one nighters, but then met someone Who I felt comfortable with, and am now on Year 27 of being with Her! We met on a normal day and I was just out for usual wanderings. Just fell into each others path.
Now We Have 4 kids, 2 from before Me, and 2 of ours together, and 5 grand kids!!!
It has NOT all been roses and luvvy duvvy, but has been an overall good time...... Just posted a Poem about it, in the short stories section.
Point here from Me, Don't give up, or even try to look for a Gal as She will probably just fall into Your lap! Maybe Physically!! LOL!
Good Luck to You!!! Syx.

a reply to: Flowfessional

My family doesn't understand why I don't ever try to get a girl but thats also cause i haven't told them and won't cause i know thy won't understand.

Whats so sad, that you can't appease your family or you can't be you?

A good relationship is like a good job. They are hard to find but worth it to try to keep. Once the right one comes along,things will change but there are some people who are totally okay with being alone and enjoy solitude and there's nothing wrong with that.

a reply to: Flowfessional

Hi there.

I totally understand what you are saying.

I have not been in a relationship for 12 years. I have not even had a sexual experience for about 11 years.

It is happening to me as a result of my own fear of intimacy, my disillusionment with what prospects a relationship would have (what do I have to offer?) and of course not meeting anybody who I have a special connection with or who feels that way about me.

It is very hard meeting people these days. So many people even resort to dating sites but they are not proving to be a good way of meeting a person for a proper relationship. Those seeking sexual encounters are more catered for. Also, so open to abuse and illusion.

I even think of the idea of being intimate and it gives me the creeps like it seems like something alien to my expression. I worry about what I would have to offer a companion (dragging them into the same hole that I am in). I worry about trust and emotional balance; how I would treat another and how they would treat me (abuse related). I worry about my ability to handle the emotional responsibilities.

It is very sad. I look at people with successful relationships as being very lucky. I know I am missing out, but to be with the wrong person is a worse kind of hell than being alone. Bitter experience has taught me this.

As to going off to Amsterdam, Bangkok, etc for a brief respite from my lonely, intimacy impoverished ghetto of a loveless life is not worth it. Money will never buy positive intimacy with another human beyond a carnal using experience. It is beyond my morality to use another for such a carnal and pointless interaction.

In the mean time I'm just lonesome me.

I have been married for twenty years and have no clue how to meet someone anymore. All I can say is that when you find someone it is definitely worth it. I guess the best advice I can give you is do all you can to deserve a great relationship. A emotional train wreck will be treated like a wreck. Treat them like they should be treated and expect to be treated the same. Relationships only work when both people are respected by the other.

a reply to: Flowfessional

I'm divorced, myself. We were married for almost ten years. Not particularly interested in another long term relationship. The last one utterly destroyed me. I'm still scrabbling out of the hole. What is for sure though is I will never get married again. F### that. No reason to put myself through that hell again.

a reply to: Flowfessional

We are all different and I am a woman but here is what i did. I was divorced and in a ton of pain it took years to recover and then several years to learn to like just being alone and being me.

I then decided to jump in and take a chance. I decided to date anyone who asked me...anyone...I also decided that on that first date i would mention the things I need and the things I can't live with. I dated a lot of men and most lasted one date after they heard my views up front, but that saved a lot of time. Finally I met two who liked my views and I had to decide which one to stop dating. I married the other one after a year and a half or so and we have been together 21 years this Dec.

Interesting thing, when I was dating the two guys I stopped with a friend at a psychic at the fair, she was the daughter of Madame Ruby in Chico CA who had told me so many correct things before, anyway, she says "You are seeing two men, one of them is good for you". Strange how they know these things, the one who took me to the fair is the one I stopped seeing, choosing mainly because he was about 6 yrs younger than me. I think I could have fallen in love with either but I seem to have chosen right!

a reply to: Flowfessional

Very very important...be who you are, no pretense. Then when the person is right for you there is no illusions that will break. If a guy is gay for instance but just wants to marry and have kids to please his parents he will ruin two lives and maybe more. Everything in my opinion relies on honesty from the beginning, those that reject you are not the right ones...simple.

a reply to: Flowfessional

I'm of the opinion that it either happens for you or it doesn't.

Also that if you want something badly enough, you will find a way of getting it.

I guess I just didn't want it badly enough (54 and never married).

Even now I don't feel as though I've missed out; I feel strangely indifferent about it all.

Here are a few things I've learned through life about the dating/marriage/kids thing:

1. I set my sights too high.

There were a number of eager suitors but I barely noticed them. I was searching for something better (and probably out of my class).

2. Most men marry through necessity, and will marry any woman who likes them when the options start to dry up.

As the old saying goes, 'A man chases a woman till she catches him.' Think about it.

3. I enjoy my own company far too much for marriage to be a good idea.

We are all weaned on the notion that the normal condition of the adult person is to be married, or in a serious long-term relationship; but I know that's not true for everyone.

I often wonder how many priests would have been bachelors if they didn't feel the need to justify their 'singlehood' (for want of a better word). Don't buy the hype.

Hi OP. I'm an autistic gal, and 55, and have never been in LTR with a guy. I had flings when I had no idea what was really going on. They were seemingly narcissist types, and I learned illuminating things about the human male animal. I got the receiving end of their unmasked side, and I presently find the idea of being in a relationship, revolting.
Now that I am no longer ignorant and desperate, with hidden motives and zero self esteem,
I often think I'd like a fling. (blushing smily face)

a reply to: Flowfessional
Now let me see here. You state you no longer want to be in a relationship .
Done... you are not. You should be happy if this is what you want, to not be in a relationship. You aren't and so whats the problem here. You got what you want.

Oh wait. You say not totally, mostly. Part of you still wants a family life with all the trimmings. Swell. However you then state that you have accepted that this wont ever happen. Wow. Sounds like defeatism to me. You do want it but will never have it. Well, finuto. kaput, Finis.

Advice from me???? Haaa!!! Noting ain't gonna happen until you snap outta whatever the heck it is that is holding you stuck. Where ever you are, how every you are, why ever you are, what kinda girl is going to come along and want to be with you when you are in such a downer dude? One that is in the same boat maybe, or maybe one that wants to SAVE you. Heaven forbid you fall into THAT trap. Ever. Yeah, and what kind of kids would you have then. You got come kind of idea that a gal will come along and you will fall in some kind of Hollywood love scenario and everything will be hunky dorrie for ever after???? Blow that idea, it ain't gonna happen.

Again, where ever you are, how every you are, why ever you are, do it. Do it was happily as you can and whatever dream you are holding onto making your singleness such a drag, let loose of it. Find what DOES make you happy and then later, maybe sooner, maybe much later, a gal will cross paths with you and she will think, hmmmm, he may not be Brad Pitt but he sure is a happy fellow. Hmmmm.

Until you do, don't come whinning to me again.

Thankyou to everyone that responded and i will try to reapond to you invidually.Id like to go into more detail about as to why im thinkin about just sayin f it but id l dont want to post it al in fear of being banned and if you would really like to know and think you may be able to help then please msg me.I will say though that one reason and ive been dealin with this as long as i can is cause and in unaware why i dont feel like i deserve love.Doesnt matter what i do i could be the most succesful person and still wouldnt think that i deserve a woman.Its odd.It hurts feelin like you cant have what you want so badly.I dont know maybe i just wasnt meant to experience it this lifetime.

a reply to: intrptr
Im gueasin appease means to please if so then no it doesnt sadden me it saddens me cause i dont think theyd be understanding and would tell who ever about my personal stuff which isnt right.

a reply to: CagliostroTheGreat

Damn sorry to hear that.Ten years...I cant umagine how devestating that must have been.

a reply to: lonesomerimbaud

I definitely feel what your saying.

a reply to: Flowfessional

t saddens me cause i don't think they'd be understanding and would tell who ever about my personal stuff which isn't right.

Trust me, its impossible to please your family. I speak with a life times of experience. If they are talking about you behind your back, then they aren't worth pleasing. Are you stuck living with them, is there some way you can disconnect for a while at least. Distance from that kind of negative environment can give you freedom from their pressure to conform.

Who wants to be a gossipy, meddling, backstabber anyway?

a reply to: intrptr

I am at the moment stuck.I do love them and get along with well but know that things would be different if i opened up to em so i dont.Just figure its best that i dont.

a reply to: intrptr

I am at the moment stuck.I do love them and get along with well but know that things would be different if i opened up to em so i dont.Just figure its best that i dont.