posted on Nov, 28 2014 @ 05:04 PM
This past year, I have come to a very strange and existentially troubled place inside. A place where Science, Philosophy, Religion, and my perceived
place within it all; have created a state of being that I am not certain I can stomach forever. Those of you who might be concerned by my tone, please
do not be troubled as I've no plans to harm myself or anyone else. I have been coming to these forums for many years now under various names, mostly
reading. I have watched ATS from its fledgling days grow into whatever it has become today - its 'bigger' to say the least.
ATS members represent virtually every demographic archetype imaginable: religious, atheists, extremists, sensationalists, skeptics,alarmists,
survivalists, philosophers, spiritualists, realists, idealists, UFOlogists, dualists, truthers... the list goes on and on. Many of whom are completely
convinced that their perception of the world is accurate. I can say that in my 36 years, I have been almost each and every one of you at one time or
another. Spending so many years thinking and seeing the world a certain way, until what I perceived as evidence or a lackthereof piled up and forced
me into the next phase. My friends, I am feeling as though I have run out of phases. By no means have I run out of fascinating distractions, but those
are of course; fleeting.
There is an ironic similarity between all of you even when you are all so diametrically diverse. The religious have faith in their God, even in
opposition to a growing scientific consensus that seems to repeatedly be able to prove otherwise by providing evidence that contradicts theological
claims. It often extends so far as to suggest that a negative being has tricked the world and all forms of doubt are in fact manifestations of a devil
that are best avoided. There is a simplistic beauty to this concept, and certainly helps give people the comfort of not feeling so accountable. I can
appreciate why these ideas have survived so long. In fact, at this point I am begging for your God's wrath and the end times if only it meant the
world could finally be reborn into anything other than this cruel, absurd, Darwinian prison it seems to be.
The "New Age Spiritualists" (please forgive the label, as I merely used it for the sake of simplicity) manage to lean on that very same tool. Some
believe we manifest our existence, some believe we are born over and over and that we are more than our neurons and brain tissue. Some believe we are
all one being experiencing this existence subjectively. That perhaps the world we live in is one of many designed to help us grow until we are ready
to move on. I will repeat one of my last statements about faith. These ideas, as attractive as they sound also have a tendency to exist in opposition
to a growing scientific consensus that seems to repeatedly be able to prove otherwise by providing evidence that contradicts spiritual claims. For
what its worth though, I sure do wish I saw things the way you guys do, unfortunately like religion I have drowned within an ocean of doubts caused by
cons, fakes, and charlatans.
If I could save just one person even a second of grief by releasing them from all of their proposed illusions and fears, the last thing I would do is
provide $2000 "workshops" overpriced books filled with quotes taken out of context, and countless anecdotes of the unprovable. I would give everyone
on earth that was willing to listen, every answer I had - free of charge.
Let us not leave out the often skeptical, scientific mathematics-rules-all mentality. It has given us a the Theory of Evolution, longer lifespan, a
more comfortable existence, countless inventions, the atomic bomb, space exploration, and currently holds the reigns as the worlds increasingly
dominant faction in modern collective thought. We all love it until it tells us something we don't want to hear. Need a God to make sense of your
existence? Science says NO. Need an afterlife to make it easier to tolerate your existence? Science says NO. Love the idea of NDE'S, OOBES, UFOS,
Ghosts? Science says it believes that you believe, but in reality NO, NO, NO, NO. If you believe in the validity of science, you are blessed to find a
true meaning to existence other than self preservation.
Science says we are an accident, and a temporary one at that. Your consciousness is a combination of chemicals, neurons and biological sub-systems
working together to form you, and me, and that slug over there. Every emotion you feel is but an accidental or an intentional tweak to the system, all
having evolved naturally. Even that Godly, or spiritual sense of meaning we all experience at some point - nothing but chemicals and proteins. When
you raise your fist at science and say - Bulls*&t you can't prove that!. Science calmly replies: "you're right, but we will be able to in time".
The real motherfu*&^% of it all is when you take religion, spirituality, and science and you send them all out foraging for evidence to fortify their
claims, only one seems to be able to come back with substance. Time and time again.
I find myself in the midst of another torturous irony; that science is both the greatest thing that could have happened, and at the same time the
worst. People always say things like, there HAS to be a God, or a meaning, or a structure, or something to lead us. They just can't imagine things
otherwise, but is it really that difficult to give in to the evident randomness of the universe? Especially when observing the randomness of nature?
It is by shear chance that you might win the lottery - or, find yourself the unfortunate victim of a serial killer, or received that dreaded call that
something cruel or equally vile has happened to your child. It doesn't seem to matter how special you think you are, or how much you love your
children. If you think I'm being overly dramatic about the ways of the world, go to a gore site, or visit a hospice center. Google "3 guys 1
hammer", or go to a meat plant and observe the life tour some animals get to enjoy.. People seem to deliberately avoid these things at all costs as
not to upset themselves, then somehow think they can develop a quality understanding of living experience.
For you professional science types that have observed all of these things and somehow manage to find meaning in life, I envy you. For you religious
and/or spiritual folks that have had experiences and are completely comfortable ruling out the possibility of your brain generating them, I also envy
you. Existence is by all means incredible, something to be grateful for, at least for a portion of us. Though it doesn't make it any less absurd, and
I would question any God or higher power that could 'design' nature to be so profoundly cruel.
I guess what I'm getting at in this mercilessly long post is that life seems insane no matter how you look at it. Does anyone else find themselves in
a similar rut? Struggling not with the daily functions of life, survival, politics and entertainment, but with the weirdness and futility of
consciousness itself? I'm finding life to be increasingly difficult to manage without answers that honestly seem unattainable.
Is there anyone else that feels this way?