posted on Nov, 24 2014 @ 05:08 PM
Hello again ATS, its been a long time since I felt the need to stick my foot in the snakehole that is the BTS rant forums. I'd be throwing my
opinions into this website left and right if I could, just like the old days, but I no longer have a stable internet connection, so I can only post on
I'm sure I'm not the only one who's wondered what madness is like, but that's a vague description of what I'm thinking and feeling every day, in
my dreams and in my waking life.
I'm sure I've made a post like this before in the past couple years, but eh... as I grow a little older, I feel the need to reword everything I say
so I don't sound quite as young as I actually am. I apologize in advance if I sound self-absorbed in this rant... but please remember that this
thread is just that; a rant.
It feels as though everything important is trying to split me in two.
By "everything important," I mean things that hit me close to home; things that are honestly, as I see it, the roots of everything that we all live
for. Some of it is in our individual feelings, our heaviest despairs and our most bright memories, and of course, those people in our lives that we
feel we simply can not live without. Even the most introverted of us have those select few loved ones.
And, some of it is in the large scale, monumental, life-altering decisions made out of our reach, and that dictate the future of our families, the
laws we live by, and how we're allowed to live. The constant anticipation of war, or of the end of America, or something in the fragile and broken
balance of power and rebellion to slip out of place and cause a collapse.
I am blessed to have a fiance and a few friends who can openly talk about a variety of different topics; I've gotten rid of some of my unfavorable
friends, and those I'm left with--usually--are incredibly reasonable, and I can relate to them on many things. These close loved ones, when they
drift into a deep conversation, are able to tell one another their thoughts on each other; what character traits about that person they find annoying,
what traits they find admirable, etc. And its fantastic that they can all talk so openly.
But, I find myself conflicted when I speak my own mind.
Some of my friends very openly state that they don't care for the bigger picture. Ebola, vaccine controversy, false flag attacks, net neutrality, the
patriot act, NDAA, fema camps, illegal immigration, just about everything that makes up the alternative community's news forums... and everything
that impacts us--as a country AND a species--so heavily, we can barely comprehend it. And every time I ask them about their opinion on one of those
topics, 9 times out of ten, their first response is "I don't care." And, they seem very relaxed in their beliefs. They are intelligent people--and,
regarding to issues in their everyday lives--they usually have some very moving insight--but absolutely NONE of that insight is used on the world
When you rant about how others "don't care" about the same things you care about, you usually get a lot of responses like, "Who are you to
dictate what they care about?" Please don't shoot that argument at me, I've heard it a zillion times. And the answer is; I am NOT trying to dictate
what they care about, I am only suggesting that--after a certain national or international level of intensity is reached--you no longer have the right
to relieve your individual responsibility of the matter, because its no longer ABOUT you. It is much BIGGER than you, and you have an obligation to
care. We live in a comfortable age in a mostly comfortable country, and a lot of us mistake that comfort for sanctuary. But you ALWAYS have to care.
That comfort can be snatched out from under you in a heartbeat.
Many people, friends AND family, have gotten angry with me when I try to talk to them about false flags or the possibility that vaccines can damage
your child (I do not believe that ALL vaccines are bad, but I do believe that they are sometimes a huge gamble). My ex of four years sometimes
resorted to screaming at me and sometimes suggested that I was lacking in intelligence because I didn't believe the same way he did (that reptilians
and satanic jews are behind the new world order). My mother and I have gotten into heated debates quite a lot in the past, during which she told me
that I was "driving myself mad" and this whole "conspiracy thing" is going to eat me alive. Well, so what if it does? Why would I want to live a
sane life if I'm living with no purpose? If I'm ignoring all the things in our world that truly, painfully matter?!
She's not the only loved one to tell me that they wished I "never found out" about any of this stuff. I guess everyone else is seeing me transform
into an awful monster because of my *obsession* with the truth. Well, I don't regret anything. Newsflash--the world isn't always nice, happy, or
comfortable. I THRIVE for the pain that could open my eyes in ways I can barely wrap my mind around. I CRAVE reality, and it seems that everyone
around me wants me to hide from it. Well... tough.
That brings me to one of my points; when you love and care about so many people who don't care, and have no interest in caring, and don't
particularly handle the information well when you give it to them, what can you do?
You can't exclude them from your life. You can't change their minds, either. I guess your only option is to embrace the conflict and continue on the
path you're following, because you know that you're trying to do the right thing. I've seen sparks of insight in my loved ones before. They're
Its also particularly difficult to "wake people up" when you're not sure if you have all the facts straight yourself. I struggle with small
details, and I always have. Sometimes, the issues are difficult to explain, and sometimes I realize that I know very little about them, and I question
weather or not I'm even worthy of fighting in the infowar. I know I'm probably not saying anything new to any of you; if you're on this site, then
chances are, you've probably experienced all of this too, at some point or another.
I feel guilty when I try to put my heart into anything that's unrelated to the infowar. That's why I've never finished any of my stories, written
or drawn. But lately, I've realized how to combine the two; and now, I'm putting more effort into my current project than I've ever put into
anything before. Its a graphic novel called "Doomsday By Design." My art isn't all that amazing, but its good enough that I can be proud of it,
along with the characters and story, and the intent behind them.
Sorry if it seems like I'm telling my whole life story. I prefer not to feel like I'm hiding anything when I rant.
The *madness* comes from everything I stated above, along with the fact that I've been trying to find a job for months to no avail, because I have no
transportation and no way to get transportation. Ever since I graduated, its been nearly impossible to advance in life. Still, I've had jobs
before, and I know that I will get back on track if I just keep trying; but its absolutely INFURIATING when you see a huge group of protesters heading
to Bilberberg, and you can't join them simply because you don't have the means. I don't care what anyone's beliefs are regarding protests; I would
give ANYTHING to be there.