Feeling sick, used and abused. I Need a pick me up

Sorry to hear of your heartbreak. It's never easy even when you've had time to prepare for the inevitable. Thing about love is if you don't take any chances you will never find it. Just use better judgment the next time you decide to give your heart away. At least find someone who will let you down easy rather than stab you in the back.

Keep trying!
Good luck,
ATA

a reply to: Asktheanimals

Let's be realistic. He entered into a "relationship" with someone from a third world culture living in abject poverty. He had the social status and financial power in the relationship. Some men seek out those kinds of relationships and scorn relationships with equals. You know the type I'm talking about. He naively didn't anticipate that she had another kind of power that comes from living a hardscrabble life. She used her wiles to climb up the ladder and he got hurt in the process.

However, I have to wonder what he envisioned when he entered into the relationship. Did he envision that she would come to his country, get an education, become financially independent and the relationship would transform into one of equality? Not likely or he wouldn't have entered into such an unequal relationship initially. Or did he envision that she would come to his country (or stay with him in Laos), stay uneducated, stay entirely dependent on him, and serve his every need in a stereotypical manner?

There's a reason why some men seek out uneducated, poor women from cultures where there's a major imbalance in social power between men and women. There's also a reason why those relationships rarely work out: it's not human nature for people of either gender to remain submissive and powerless when they have the opportunity to be otherwise.

originally posted by: Tangerine

Did he envision that she would come to his country, get an education, become financially independent and the relationship would transform into one of equality?.

i feel bad for the dude...things like this hurt....
i wonder if this is what she envisioned

a reply to: Tangerine

Realistically we know absolutely nothing about either people being discussed. I'm not going to try to judge anything or anyone based on what little we've been told.

I am reminded of a Dear Abby letter that went: Dear Abby, I have a gf who I bought a car for, pay her rent and utilities yet she insists going out with other men is ok. I'm confused Abby, do you think I'm being taken for a ride?

Abby's Response: Dear Confused, not only are you being taken for a ride but you'll be lucky if you aren't run over in traffic.

originally posted by: Grovit

originally posted by: Tangerine

Did he envision that she would come to his country, get an education, become financially independent and the relationship would transform into one of equality?.

i feel bad for the dude...things like this hurt....
i wonder if this is what she envisioned

I feel sorry for him, too. Really. I'm just suggesting that he ask himself how he happened into that sort of relationship so he knows how to avoid one like it in the future.

a reply to: Tangerine

That sounded incredibly judgemental, but you seem too think you have it all worked out, so whats the reasons why then? You keep saying there is a reason why this or that but don't explain the reasons..

Some men seek out those kinds of relationships and scorn relationships with equals. You know the type I'm talking about.

What type? Are you trying too say thats what OP was doing?

The OP asked for a pick me up not to be judged and made too feel even worse when they are going through enough already.

a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

Some people are terrible at life. Though they cause suffering and seem to enjoy it...they suck inside.

For all the pain they cause, they are far worse inside. If you cant do good then you will never know true well being. You will suck and be pathetic all your life.

When you do wrong you make it that much worse.

Dont worry sir. You did right. You will feel better than these people. Even though some say that no one is better or worse than anyone else, I will tell you....you are better than her. You are better than many people and you can know that inside.

You are superior. Let the animals suffer if they choose to. They choose to.

It wont help much but its a start. Dont doubt yourself for a second.

You are better. You will feel that soon enough...as soon as you realize that you are.

You are still allowed to smile. You may not want to, but you need to know that you are still allowed to. Allow yourself to.

Have a good one.
Hold it down.

Thanks guys

Appreciate all the positive vibes, it felt good to get it out there and share the experience.

Feeling fine today, nearly at the stage where I can laugh at her f'd ways.

Cheers again, stars for all

a reply to: Tangerine

What you say is true, there is a whole culture of Western men in Asia who are there exclusively to find a submissive woman who will look after them, I am most definitely not one of these men!!!!!!

When we started dating I didnt think about the future too much but after awhile I did picture the possibility of bringing her to Oz, and yes I did think she would become financially independent.

Mate Im not sure what makes you think it was an unequal relationship or that I was some sort of old fat sleaze who was drooling over some poor little Asian girl. I treated her the same as I have every other GF Ive had regardless of their nationality.

As for looking for someone who is dependent on me??? Did you read the OP?
One of the 1st things I did was help her to get a job so she did have independence, I realised long ago that you dont want a partner who needs you, you want one who doesnt need a thing from you but still "wants" you

I was very good to her and Im not even referring to the financial side of things.

OP didn't respect himself enough.

A guy with a huge ego would never get hurt that way. You got hurt because you have a selfless streak in you. You should have more respect for God's special creation (you), and prevent it from being misused this way. You sensed it from the beginning. But you wanted to believe in love.

I was there, probably 20 years before you.

Have another shot, and consider this.

This whole exercise was prep. It was a remedial class in requiring the object of your affection to treat you right. You will do so much better, because of this experience. It'll help you appreciate the Good One you can really bond with.

If you hadn't been shat on so horribly, you'd still be with her. Let that fully sink in for a second.


That wasn't a she-demon, taking hellish delight in torturing you; that was an angel sent to free you from your slavish idolatry to the idea of "being in love."

When you meet "the one," it won't be perfect, it won't be effortless. No indeed. But she will bring out the very best in you, and you in turn will force her to be the very best person she can possibly be. It won't be painless, but it will be affirming. Instead of the degrading, self-negating crap you just went through.

I have been with the love of my life for more than 2 decades now. And she has taught me to be MORE independent emotionally, not less. The sex is still awesome, and she is my best friend. But I am not helpless. And neither is she. I am more the man I am supposed to be, because she has helped me grow up. I have no qualms about being absolutely faithful to her, or expecting the same in return. And knowing that, helps both of us to remain faithful, which is so much in our own best interests. We have both reached the point where betraying the other person would merely mean betraying ourselves. Because my best possible life is with this one woman. And she is just as wedded to our life together.

We are growing old together, and it is a treasure beyond compare. Our own pearl of great price.

The older the violin, the sweeter the music.


And now you've learned the life-lessons this bitch had to teach you. It was a dress-rehearsal for the REAL THING that still lies in your future.

Go find The One.

a reply to: tovenar
Great post
Wish i could give u more than 1 star

Thanks for the kind words mate, u sound like a lucky man and ur wife is a lucky lady

originally posted by: IkNOwSTuff
a reply to: Tangerine

What you say is true, there is a whole culture of Western men in Asia who are there exclusively to find a submissive woman who will look after them, I am most definitely not one of these men!!!!!!

When we started dating I didnt think about the future too much but after awhile I did picture the possibility of bringing her to Oz, and yes I did think she would become financially independent.

Mate Im not sure what makes you think it was an unequal relationship or that I was some sort of old fat sleaze who was drooling over some poor little Asian girl. I treated her the same as I have every other GF Ive had regardless of their nationality.

As for looking for someone who is dependent on me??? Did you read the OP?
One of the 1st things I did was help her to get a job so she did have independence, I realised long ago that you dont want a partner who needs you, you want one who doesnt need a thing from you but still "wants" you

I was very good to her and Im not even referring to the financial side of things.

It seems that you got taken advantage of and for that I'm sorry. I'm sure you didn't mean for the relationship to be unequal but it just was. As you know, money is power and you had considerably more than she did. Money often muddies the waters. I wish you better luck in finding a better partner -- one who appreciates you as something more than a bank account.

a reply to: Tangerine

There's a reason why some men seek out uneducated, poor women from cultures where there's a major imbalance in social power between men and women. There's also a reason why those relationships rarely work out: it's not human nature for people of either gender to remain submissive and powerless when they have the opportunity to be otherwise.

This is textbook of today's non thinking and non standards in eduction...beliefs and religion.

THe OP is from OZ. Has it ever occurred to anyone here that the OP finds OZ women to be lacking in certain qualities.
I know many men find it so here in America.

I can tell you one thing for certain about many OZ men..and OZ women. The men find Peace very difficult to get from OZ women and the same here in America with American women. Piece is easy to get..but Peace...is very very lacking.



And furthermore since the focus of Tangerines post seems to be about power and equating this to money and access to money...ask yourself a question...


How many women do you know who are interested in marrying or dating down the economic ladder??? One need not be particularly educated to figure this one out.

Furthermore..a woman who can financially take care of herself and her children is a woman who can marry or take up with a man for "Love" only. But do they in fact do this ..take up with a man for love only. Or do they take up with a man who can give them..."Social Status???"

Love is the quality that so many women lament they are missing out on ..but does female socialization allow them to pursue this ...verses social status?? Marrying or dating up the economic ladder??

Social status ...obtaining social status by dating/marrying up the economic ladder...allows women to objectify men...for their money/status...while the mantra is that only men objectify women..not the other way around. This is one of the biggest hoaxes perpetrated on an ignorant male. And most of the males do it to themselves in ignorance.
Do you believe that any women out here is going to educate a male to these conditions or would they prefer that a male remain ignorant and to their advantage?? Women tend to want a man ready made...not to have to go through the process of making him themselves. They are not looking to raise a man.

Once again...one need not be rocket material to figure this out.

Here by Tangerine...more dumb stuff trying to pass off as intelligence...or thinking.

It seems that you got taken advantage of and for that I'm sorry. I'm sure you didn't mean for the relationship to be unequal but it just was. As you know, money is power and you had considerably more than she did. Money often muddies the waters. I wish you better luck in finding a better partner -- one who appreciates you as something more than a bank account.

Obviously money, in the case of IkNOwSTuff, is not power. Knowledge is power..not money. IkNOwSTuff did not have the knowledge to prevent what happened to him. Hence his money/power was not sufficient to prevent what happened. In this case the absence of knowledge, understanding, wisdom..was his loss of power or lack of power..no matter how much money he had. In this case..IkNOwSTuff was powerless and his knowledge was not sufficient to save him from his ignorance or lack of knowledge. His money was not power.

Think Tangerine before you try to post this kind of stuff as intelligence or perception.

Thinking is difficult..many of us avoid it for a lifetime..particularly in relationships and let our emotions take hold of us to deceive us as to true conditions. Or in the case of Tangerine substitute something which does not make good nonsense to those of us who can think things through for ourselves.

The simpe fact that IkNOwSTuff is from Oz and I know that there are plenty of Oz women out there..and he does not seem to want one ..tells me or hints that IkNOwSTuff has found them to be lacking/wanting in certain qualities or desirability.

If you...IkNOwSTuff ...do not learn to think verses emote..you are going to repeat this pattern and occurrence again..and with the same results.

I am not speaking here against emotions per se..but against unthinking, undisciplined, runaway emotions that tend to deceive you about the true conditions for which you are dealing out here in the dating scene.

Agree with many of the posters here..you got away cheap. Learn the lesson..keep it close to the vest. Don't be so eager to let your sports conditioning get you to run for the goal post for women...in trying out for approval. Rescuing them.

Nothing wrong with sports conditioning per se..but don't let it deceive or lie to you about true conditions out here.

This happens with western women too..not just oriental women. The condition may look different on the outside but it is not. Western women do this kind of thing too.

Nonetheless..educate yourself...particularly about money is not necessarily power..unless you know how to use it.

Power is having control over your life...as to where and how you want to go or travel. Obviously this was not the case with this Laotian woman. Think do not emote IkNOwSTuff...or you are going to put yourself right back into the same foolishness...through lack of power ..lack of knowledge.

Hope this helps you and some of the other readers out here.

Orangetom

a reply to: IkNOwSTuff

In retrospect of my previous post..I am going to provide this link for your reading and learning. Hope this helps.

Here in America we call this ..."Running Touchdowns" in trying out for female approval.

You probably can relate more in the sport of Soccer down under..and can substitute running for the goal post.

this link is called..

My Friend and learning how not to run Touchdowns


www.abovetopsecret.com...

This is about my friend and what happened to him over the years because he did not learn how not to run touchdowns.

Or as I recall he told me, when trying to teach him not to run touchdowns, he said..."I am going to continue to perform for a woman's attention." To try out for her attention...her favor.

This is what happened to him before and after he learned and applied the lesson.

Hope this helps you not to repeat the same pattern of behavior and get the same results as in Laos.

Remember what the video I posted on page 1 was illustrating about money and power... Sex Lies and Rinsing Guys"
The money power these guys supposedly have does not save them from these women who are obviously predators.
Their money is not power. Knowledge is power..not money.

www.youtube.com...

This shows you that money itself is not power. Also that these guys do most of it themselves to lay their heads on the railroad track to be run over by the train. All these women are doing is subtly getting the men to lay their head on the railroad track for them and their social status.
The men think they are saving or rescuing these women ..knight in shining armor...and in so doing ..making themselves look good.
Nothing could be further from the truth.

Once again ..hope this helps.

Thanks,
Orangetom

originally posted by: orangetom1999
a reply to: Tangerine

There's a reason why some men seek out uneducated, poor women from cultures where there's a major imbalance in social power between men and women. There's also a reason why those relationships rarely work out: it's not human nature for people of either gender to remain submissive and powerless when they have the opportunity to be otherwise.

This is textbook of today's non thinking and non standards in eduction...beliefs and religion.

THe OP is from OZ. Has it ever occurred to anyone here that the OP finds OZ women to be lacking in certain qualities.
I know many men find it so here in America.

I can tell you one thing for certain about many OZ men..and OZ women. The men find Peace very difficult to get from OZ women and the same here in America with American women. Piece is easy to get..but Peace...is very very lacking.



And furthermore since the focus of Tangerines post seems to be about power and equating this to money and access to money...ask yourself a question...


How many women do you know who are interested in marrying or dating down the economic ladder??? One need not be particularly educated to figure this one out.

You just proved my point while remaining oblivious.

Why should women want to marry down the economic ladder? It makes no sense. As a rule, women aren't looking for someone to dominate.

Knowledge does equal power. Money also equals power. Your claim that money doesn't equal power is ludicrous.

a reply to: orangetom1999
Thx for the reply

You hit the nail on the head except for assuming I dont like Aussie ladies.
I personally dont discriminate, Ive been out with women from all races and cant say I really have a preference.
Ive been dating mostly Asian women the past few years as Im in Asia, unless you are extremely picky, prejudiced or racist living in Asia you are most likely gonna end up dating Asians, simple maths.

Never had an issues before with women in Malaysia, I foolishly assumed coz I was safe in Kuala Lumpur I would be here as well. But anyway water under the bridge, feeling back on top of the world so life is good

An update on the whole sordid affair, the new BF has aspbergers, shes already taken him for $600, the poor guy only makes about that per month and he was going to borrow another $250 for her today!!!!!
Originally I thought "F*** him, he can learn the hard way what shes like" but when I realised something was off about him I put 2+2 together. I went to talk to him at his hotel and I was right, I told him to run away as fast as he could, if he listens or not is another story

a reply to: IkNOwSTuff
How do you know this female has Aspergers? Being a con and predator is not an autistic aspect. Being a sociopath narcissist or psychopath IS.

a reply to: misschareesee2

The other guy has Aspbergers not the girl

originally posted by: IkNOwSTuff
a reply to: misschareesee2

The other guy has Aspbergers not the girl

I'm curious about why you call her a girl. She's not a child is she? Female children are girls. Female adults are women. If you're 30, why would you be dating someone you thought of as a child?

a reply to: Tangerine

You just proved my point while remaining oblivious.

Why should women want to marry down the economic ladder? It makes no sense. As a rule, women aren't looking for someone to dominate.

What!!!??? You mean women are not interested in that much equality so as to marry down the economic ladder??

I thought Equality was happening today?? Am I wrong on this?? You mean women are not interested in that much RISK so as to marry down the economic ladder...as men so often do?? But equality is happening out here...right??

If men are marrying and even dating down the economic ladder..are they not selling themselves short...who is dominating whom here??

I think you mean women are not interested in that much RISK taking as to marry down the economic ladder..even to date down the economic ladder.

I don't believe thinking is your strong suit here. If men are trying out for female approval..often by working and taking risks for their monies...and then turning it over to the woman for her discretionary spending...who is dominating whom.here...particularly if a man constantly tries out? If a man spends a lot of time taking RISKS to earn his monies...if a man runs goals..to score points for a woman.

Who is dominating whom here??

Just because a woman does not hunt and gather as does a man ..does not mean she is not hunting and gathering.

I know this because women understand competition from a much sharper and keener aspect than does a man.

Just because a woman does not dominate as does a man..does not mean she is not dominating a man.

For most men this takes place in the form of suggestions or hints...clues and cues..to run touchdowns ..in which she substitutes his play or plays with hers..and he runs for the goal post...no matter what it costs him.

He is actually ignorant enough to believe it is his idea all along. Why because he tries out for approval...runs goals for her without thinking.

I don't agree with you about your definition and idea of domination. Not at all.

Does not a politician work in the same manner...taking advantage often of peoples ignorance??? While reaping the benefits and hoping no one catches on to how it is done??? Peoples willingness to take RISKS???

Knowledge does equal power. Money also equals power. Your claim that money doesn't equal power is ludicrous.

You stated in your earlier post ...only that money equals power. I said not so. Knowledge is power...first the knowledge.

I know people who have come into money..and within a short time they have neither money or power.
You do not need to be smart to see this one. Sorry Tangerine..but your original claim was that money only equals power..not so. It was itself ludicrous.

As you know, money is power and you had considerably more than she did.

You said nothing about knowledge.


IkNOwSTuff,

Thanks for clearing that up about the Aussie women.

I myself like women..I just don't approve of what often today passes for knowledge in this arena..particularly from most women. Much of it is based on a man's ignorance and willingness to run goals or touchdowns.

I have enjoyed the company of mostly older women for a great number of years. After enjoying their company and then going back to younger women ..it is often a let down. Not all older women..but I find them often better than the younger ones. Just a personal preference.

I also find the company of women more suitable than the company of most men..with one or two dimensional thinking...about sports , alcohol, and sex. All these seem want to be connected in male culture...as if they were dots in a line. Of the same genre...goal...touchdown. I just get tired of that kind of thinking.

I am not against sports, alcohol, or sex...just not into the worship of them ..or idolizing them. Sounds a bit crazy at first..but that is the way it is here.

Nonetheless..I hope these posts have helped you in some facet...or understanding of male behavior.

Once you know this about "trying out" for approval... "Running touchdowns or goals"...you will be able to spot this behavior in other men and males you know..the stories you overhear.



Thanks,
Orangegtom