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Hello, I'm Matthias. Behold, my story.

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posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 07:51 PM
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originally posted by: RoScoLaz4
hi, Matt.


Hello, don't forget the popcorn.
Don't give up on this thread people, if we work together collectively we might find some interesting things, as we give eachother glimpses and pieces of the puzzle...
Just like on the other forum.. Synchronocity will happen.

Not that you need to believe in synchronocity to experience certain coincidences.
I'm saying this because everybody has different belief systems, I don't want to offend anyone or make them run away by saying stuff about certain beliefs wich don't fit their system.

I have all kinds of beliefs, I'm open to anything.

But I do have a hard time with: Psychosis. For it is such an easy explanation for everything that IS or is related to magic in this world. Too convenient if you ask me.




posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 07:56 PM
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originally posted by: Shana91aus
a reply to: Lux96


Yeah I know you can't help that its all apart of battling the illness. I just know that a lot of people wont respond to any treatment at all for Schizophrenia like my SIL nothing at all works and it just makes me wonder if there is more too it than it being a Mental illness.



The biggest problem was the energy problem, and I "solved" that with the duality insight. I don't know what caused it, but it was certainly an event.

As far as I know, it doesn't get rid of some voices, but your life will become better. But I'm afraid such an event is not easy to achieve, I don't think I can simply say here, think this thought and your curse will be gone.

But the actual thought was: Good and Evil aren't neccesarily enemies.

And I felt quite ashamed because I was battling the darkness for years and years and I had to cry and think; omg, Im so fking stupid.

I'm still stupid but maybe a little less? A very little atleast.

I hope your sis gets better.

edit on 21-11-2014 by Lux96 because: spelling -.-



posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 07:58 PM
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a reply to: Lux96

I suggest that you seek the help of mental health professionals. I'm not being sarcastic and I'm not trying to be rude but you are exhibiting signs of serious mental illness that can be treated with the proper medication.



posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 08:01 PM
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originally posted by: Tangerine
a reply to: Lux96

I suggest that you seek the help of mental health professionals. I'm not being sarcastic and I'm not trying to be rude but you are exhibiting signs of serious mental illness that can be treated with the proper medication.


I take 6 kinds of pills and take a needle in the arm every month.
I'm already seeing doctors.
I know what I'm doing, thanks for your concern tho.

My psychosis first starts with voices (1st step), then I feel as if I'm being watched or filmed (2nd step) and THEN I eventually start making up complete stories.
I am not yet at step 1.

I'm sorry, I know it sounds like it and it has alot to do with it. But I'm not ill at the moment, I maybe can say I am slightly psychotic but I am NOT in a complete psychotic episode.
I know the difference.
edit on 21-11-2014 by Lux96 because: (no reason given)

edit on 21-11-2014 by Lux96 because: this is getting annoying, damn errors. :p

edit on 21-11-2014 by Lux96 because: lolz ...

edit on 21-11-2014 by Lux96 because: the errors are real. I'm gonna get myself a coffee and relax a lil then continue, because I'm just too excited to write without errors and it is frustrating me. See ya soon.



posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 08:16 PM
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a reply to: Lux96



We are watching Lux.....

.......always watching,........... Waiting.

You belong to us.



posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 08:17 PM
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a reply to: Lux96

Im glad you don't suffer from the symptoms too badly does that mean your treatment is working then? like the pills etc? my SIL has been on every medication that they can possibly prescribe which I think may have just made things worse but none of them help, there was one that made her like a total Zombie like she would just sit and stare at me and wouldn't say anything it really creeped me out actually, as for the rest they made her even crazier she ended up in prison at one point because she stabbed someone when they let her out of the hospital and somehow they didn't recognise her mental illness (if that is what it is) when placing her in prison. I don't know how.. Can I ask what its like hearing voices? like is it like someone's in the room talking to you or is it like over powering in your head?

Yeah that's exactly what I don't understand about it amongst other things, that and the countless number of stories I have read of people suffering from the illness and experiencing attacks by demons and all this other paranormal related stuff, yes it could all be psychosis we do know that exists but what if it isn't ? No pills that claim to be made for these very symptoms can stop it so what is it ? There is absolutely no harm in questioning it and I hate the taboo that surrounds mental illness its really hard too bring up too people what I just did but it honestly does make me wonder, its so easy to just label people as crazy and hand them some pills (which rarely work anyway).

That is very interesting, I have also read about these black eyed beings and if you do a search you will find stories and info about them on here as well.



posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 08:24 PM
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originally posted by: Shana91aus
a reply to: Lux96

I was fairly surprised that there is as much info and research in to that as there is relating to Possession and Schizophrenia..




Now that you mention that, I listen to Goa, also known as Psychedelic Trance.

Now listen to a song from a label called Skizophrenic Records then listen to a song by the label Sun trip records, tho it's a different sub-genre and it is accepted as being only that, I'm think some producers have bad intentions with music. I used to get sick by certain songs, feeling mentally much weaker when listening to it at party.

(If any of the label managers stumbles accros this post; hello, sorry to use you as example.)

The melodic goa ofcourse gives me alot of energy, please compare for yourself.

Hmm, my noob seaching skills don't seem to allow me finding a song of wich im sure its by skizoprhenic records, but it sounds like this but then even darker and more sinister: www.youtube.com...

not that i want to accuse the producers, they may be very well decent people but I think the "darkside" saw goatrance (wich is spiritual in nature) and decided to have their share of it.

Now lets hear Suntrip:

www.youtube.com...


Even the names of the songs say enough, now the first is a set of songs, but dark goa is always like that, but I think that was forest trance, wich is slightly less dark than dark psytrance.

Compare it to this (I can't call this music anymore)

www.youtube.com...

No offense to any Goa lovers around here, I'm sure most of the people are very nice and what not, I do think both sides of duality have their part in this scene.



posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 08:25 PM
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originally posted by: IntastellaBurst
a reply to: Lux96



We are watching Lux.....

.......always watching,........... Waiting.

You belong to us.


Yes I am owned by 69 I know, it's okay, I accept my fate, you guys made me a better person on the inside anyway, thank you.
Not that I really believe you, just in case it would be, there you have it.



posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 08:31 PM
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originally posted by: Shana91aus
a reply to: Lux96


...



It is important to experiment with certain meditcation you will at one point find the RIGHT medication but ALSO EQUALLY IMPORTANT, the RIGHT dosage.
If you take too much anti-psychotics, as much as it holds back negative impulses in the brain, it will do the same to positive impulses, for example, somebody says something funny, you recognize its funny, yet you don't get the feeling to laugh.

I can tell you my medication but it's a personal situation, what's good for me might not be good for another but here goes.

The needle = Xeplion (75MG) anti-psychotic
Abilify (15MG) Anti-psycotic + anti-depressant
The rest I take are anti depressant and to sleep but if you wonna know:

Welbutrin (300MG) anti-depressant
Trazolan(100MG) to sleep, but I don't recomend that.
and Lorametazepam (2mg) thats a high dosage,
don't use sleeping medication if you don't have to.

But this cocktail has no real negative sideeffects for me, so I'm good with it.
Don't get me wrong people, I don't want everyone to belief that they do not suffer from mental illness for most of the people DO suffer from it, me included, but still be a little skeptical towards the whole: Hey, that sounds like a psychotic episode, because its just too easy.

btw, if you wonder why I said 6 pills before, there is medication for my stomache acid and stuff wich I didn't mention here.
I take enough anti-psychotics, trust me, I'm an engineer. No not really. I'm not in a psychotic episode at the moment. I certainly show symptoms, but I can go tell all this to a doctor, in the way I am doing now and he will not be able to keep me inside, because I cause no threat to myself or the outside and I do not actually "sound" psychotic. Now since this is text you don't hear that, but I'm very calm about all this, althoug it does not seem like it.

edit on 21-11-2014 by Lux96 because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 08:37 PM
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a reply to: Lux96

WELL ?

Welcome. I assure you no one is out to get you.

It may seem like that. I think allot of people went through that when younger. I know I did. I didnt go through a mental health system but then again I am an American and I wouldnt have gotten the help even if I needed it. LOL

Just chill sir. Enjoy life, people, bad things, good things and everything in between.

I hope you learn to use all that energy towards something productive.

Have a good one.
Hold it down.

P.S
If you need to talk I am down. I have been a little neurotic before. I think certain genetic stock has a predisposition for mental health issues when young. Its all part of the process of great intellect turning on itself. Being too smart for your own good sort of thing. Your people are VERY bright and they tend to have these issues. Genius / insanity.
Let me know.



posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 08:43 PM
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originally posted by: tadaman
a reply to: Lux96


P.S
If you need to talk I am down. I have been a little neurotic before. I think certain genetic stock has a predisposition for mental health issues when young. Its all part of the process of great intellect turning on itself. Being too smart for your own good sort of thing. Your people are VERY bright and they tend to have these issues. Genius / insanity.
Let me know.



Thanks alot, I also keep up to date with the lighter side.

For example the Saturn Astrology, Saturn is in Scorpio since 2012 untill I think somewhere near the end of 2015.
Saturn is pretty hardcore.
I happen to be a Scorpio.

It all makes sense.
Saturn tends to punish in orde to achieve results. It will be a time of reflection.
Also, you may know, that Thuesday I will be voluntarily hospitalized to get rid of my bad habit/addiction. Not for anything psychosis related, only for the addiction.
And its voluntarily, if I would be really psychotic I would already be in a hospital now.
Myeah, this isn't America. It sucks in America I know, real bad actually.

Good thing you survived.


Take care. You can always private message me as you like, just as much I can message you, feel free. Greetz.



posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 08:46 PM
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a reply to: Lux96

I agree with the comment on the link of the last one.. Also I wouldn't consider that music either lol. Honestly I have never really listened too trance before, but the second one isn't as bad as the other 2.



posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 08:52 PM
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originally posted by: Shana91aus
a reply to: Lux96

I agree with the comment on the link of the last one.. Also I wouldn't consider that music either lol. Honestly I have never really listened too trance before, but the second one isn't as bad as the other 2.



I used to make drawings of the music, you would have dark dots as bass and smaller black dots as bassline, but then the melody would have all kinds of colors, but since forest or dark psytrance prefer those eerie sounds and glitches and whatever skitzophrenic, psychotic sound they can come up it tends to be all gray and black colors, really ugly.

Not that I have something against black, it's very nice to finish certain drawings, but all black and gray just isnt beautifull to watch nor to listen.

Now that second song isn't that great I think personally, let me give you another song with a meaning. I actually call it gay trance cos it's the kind of trance considered for real fairies, its to weak and dancing to it WILL make you look like a sissy.

And yes, I am a sissy. Emotions are for losers and I'm a loser.


www.youtube.com... Just doing what the song says....
edit on 21-11-2014 by Lux96 because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 08:59 PM
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Why is this image actually on the internet?

It just shows its a known thing.

Don't you guys know those 69 DE PUTA MADRE T-shirts, not saying that people who wear them are what I am claiming just trying to make you aware of something.

It means mother#er or something.

Please check out this site: codex4.wordpress.com... -mayafreemasonevangelists-code-key-to-holy-graildna/
edit on 21-11-2014 by Lux96 because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 09:04 PM
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a reply to: Lux96

Yeah like yourself im not denying that it is a very real thing like I said in my other post we know its real but what if what some people experience isn't entirely related to that ?

yeah Lorametazepam is a powerful benzo and that is a really big dose most are like 0.5mg or 1mg but like most benzo's should only be used when really needed not full time. I only use them for anxiety when really needed and even then I only take Diazepam or Oxazepam.. im glad the meds that you take work for you!!



posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 09:08 PM
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originally posted by: Shana91aus
a reply to: Lux96
im glad the meds that you take work for you!!


Well, the psychiatrist doesn't actually consider me schizophrenic.. I just got a few psychotic episodes, but I seem quite resilliant against it.
Alot of people have it far worse than me.
However in the actual psychotic episode, the first, I did try to commit suicide, well, this isn't going to sound "impressive", I wouldn't cut my wrists or anything, but I was with family and we were being served cheese and I thought there was rat poison in it and I ate it. Later I was crying to my dad that it would finally be over, I went to bed and woke up the next day.

For me it was real at the moment so. I was scared of experiencing much worse situations. So I decided to chicken out.
Anyways, not that it is really important.



posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 09:24 PM
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originally posted by: Shana91aus
a reply to: Lux96

"it just makes me wonder if there is more too it than it being a Mental illness."



There is more to it than it being a mental illness, it's called the truth. When one who knows or sees the truth cannot rationalize it either within themselves or with others, they lose their grasp of reality and become schizo. Fact is most of the occult writings I have read have a forewarning telling the reader that once their mind has been "opened" it is not wise to speak of the subject with what is deemed the profane..mainly because they won't understand and will label you as crazy.

Furthermore I've had a number of years where some of the most unbelieveable things occurred. They are as I said "unbelievable" so no one believes it's true except those whom I've chosen to show certain things to...they believe.
edit on 21-11-2014 by threeeyesopen because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 09:28 PM
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Well, years too late for that.
I am already well known for what I have become.
But in a way, I can only become better. I have some of the wisdom I wanted to aquire, now I just need to implement it into an adult, whole version of me, without minority complex and things like that.

Ofcourse the minority complex is because of what you say: they wont understand and label you as crazy.

Oh well, I'm used to it. I've grown above the whole judgemental side of life. I compare, but I don't judge someone like casting a judgement.

Everyone has their thoughts, but you can control how you act upon those thoughts.
I prefer trying to understand everyone good or bad, try to see how they got where they are, how have they become what they are, etc...



posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 09:32 PM
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originally posted by: threeeyesopen




Furthermore I've had a number of years where some of the most unbelieveable things occurred. They are as I said "unbelievable" so no one believes it's true except those whom I've chosen to show certain things to...they believe.


Sounds interesting, maybe later if you get "to know me better" or trust me you could share some stuff.
I'm open to anything, I'm actually so open I get brainwashed very easely. Don't hurt me, I'm fragile.



posted on Nov, 21 2014 @ 09:38 PM
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I've done good and bad things, and will continue to do so because duality is the nature of the plane of existence we are on. Duality is very much a physical concept and it's adapted to the things we do, either to ourselves or others. You see the trick is knowing that duality exists to try and confine you..the key to transcendence is accepting that fact, and encompassing it within yourself to get to a higher state where all things are one and not duality. Duality is judgement, oneness is acceptance. You could also say that the lower based emotions (anger, fear, loathing etc..) exist primarily on the plane of existence where duality thrives whereas love being all encompassing is part of the oneness with everything.




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