posted on Dec, 4 2014 @ 05:25 AM
The visit at her mums place was as always a weird mixture of feeling welcome and loved, while at the same time the sentence "You don't belong here"
hammered in her head. It stressed Marina more than it relaxed. When her brother came to see her, it got obvious for her, she had abssolutely nothing
in common with them. She knew that for all her life but it now she couldn't stop counting the differences. Her brother Olly and her mum had the same
way of holding a hand in front of their stomach when they laughed. Marina didn't. They almost collapsed after jokes, she had to force herself to
manage at least a smile. She grew up, saw them everyday, how could there be so absolutely no similarities? Kids copy the grown ups behaviour, didn't
they? So was there something wrong with her? Did she somehow not develop normally and that is why she always feels so disconnected? One afternoon she
helped her mum in the kitchen as she had to ask: "How was I as a child? Was I normal?" Her foster mom gave her one of these looks that was supposed
to tell her "I love you", yet it felt like "I have to love you". "What a question honey? Of course you were not normal! You never were. Such a
smart little cutie! And you were always so pretty, like a little angel." Marina sighed, this wasn't the answer she had hoped for. "But, did I
develop normal? Like with having friends and how I treated them?" Now she sensed a sorry in the eyes of her mum. "Well, you were victim of a lot of
jealous little spoiled bitches, I tell you that. In pre-school and on the playgrounds, the other girls always picked on you, took your stuff, or
destroyed your sandcastles. I don't know, there was this one time I remember, I wanted to not allow you to go to school, because of that, you were
seven, maybe eight and you looked at me and said: Mommy don't be sad, I have to go through this, because it teaches me a lesson I will never forget.
I was so proud of you! And it got better, later on. Are you lonely?" This almost made Marina stumble back. She was surprised, nobody asked her that.
Never. They always seemed to assume she had all the contacts she needed. But yes she was lonely. She imagined briefly how this conversation would lead
to talking about Marcus and decided to not say anything. "No. How could I be, there are so many people around me all the time?"
She took the train back, her sterile almost unused appartment would be a better place to get rid off this weird feelings and her constant urge to do
something. But what to do to pass the time? She ordered a few new dresses, simply because she hadn't done that in a while. Made some Yoga exercises.
Laid down to read a book. Got back up and following an instinct stepped outside on the balcony. Dark clouds hung deep in the sky, no moon light, just
the city shining and flickering in one never dark night.
The sound washed through her and she let it. The moving lights almost looked like they were forming a pattern as she let it pass her eyes without
looking. As she stood there she realised, "I don't want to go on like this anymore. There has to be more, something meaningfull." The wind played
with the fabric of her night-dress, she felt no cold, no movement. As she pulled herself out of this watcher state, she leaned over the balustrade.
She wanted to let go. Bend over as far as possible and the moment she would reach the point her own weight would drag her the last inches over to the
fall, she would simply let go. One last flight. Marina didn't reach the point. She stood there, the metall pressed against her belly-button started
to hurt and she almost couldn't breathe anymore. Sparkling dots danced in front of her eyes. She arrived the point where her brain yelled at her: Wtf
are you doing? Stepp back, you idiot!
Marina stayed and passed out.
She found herself in an office. Properly dressed with a tie and carrying a portfolio under her arm. She waited behind a glass door. In the room were
two men in strange uniforms, with oddly shaped metalls arguing. "We are beyond the point where a few nice words will have any effect. We have to
attack, or let them waltz over us and our position to strike back will even be worse!"
"We are out numbered. It is 7:1 men. And yes we have better equipment standards, but not for war. None of our soldiers ever saw any action. It would
be just madness to throw them into a close entcounter combat scenario. What the hell do I know how you call it, it would be slaughter!"
"We have to do something. Sitting and waiting won't solve anything. They took three entire villages as hostages, or slaves, we don't know yet. Fact
is, they had hopes and a life yesterday, now they wear chains and get treated worse than I would treat a dog."
"I don't want to make this kind of decission. Not alone. I want to talk to..." his voice died in the middle of the sentence. He needed a few
moments to surpress the tears, then he continued: "Who is left? Bring them all in, this is a crisis. We will act."
The time jumped forwards, Marina sat in the background of a big auditorium, the listeners were all quiet, only a few were engaged in hectical,
whispered conversations. The five chairs on the podium were filled with three men and two women all wearing the same uniforms. They're discussion was
introduced by a young dark haired student, wearing something that looked a lot like pyjamas, next to all the broomed uniforms. "Hi. Were discussing
the Archons today. Kordyo, Darbel and Utrak got occupied eleven hours ago and we still don't know what happened to the civilians. But this is
serious, we don't make a public vote, because we have to understand, in war there have to be secrets. We only invited the politics favourers. Please
keep all the different scenarios we will discuss, on how to approach the matter to yourself and most of all the one we will vote, at the end of the
meeting. The result will be only shown to the executive military, the observers and you as a voter will have to apply for the clearance to get a look
at the results. Ladies and gentlemen, please." He left the podium and each one of the participants introduced his, or her solution. Marina listened,
they all said pretty much the same: We have to attack first. The last one speaking, a very nervous young woman with glasses had, as the only one, a
true alternative: "What if we use our advantages were we have them, instead of surrendering to a strategy with no chance to win, before we tried to
fight by our own means? Sorry I am nervous." She giggled and took a sip of her water. "We could for example, send a tiny troup to various strategic
points, say power plants, comm-centers, factories, public transport, we should work out a plan, what we will turn off when, so it has the biggest
possible effect. We make them busy inside their territorium and we can work on our defences, before they got things back under control at home."
As Marina woke up, she should have been lying on the floor of her balcony, instead she found herself in the bathtub. Naked, but without water she had
gotten stiff in this cold and hard ceramic bed. She moved slowly one thing after the other with pain running through her joints the entire time. As
she opened her eyes, she gasped for air, her stomach had a violett and blue imprint of the barn on it, from one side to the other it looked like
someone had tried to cut her in half. The muscles behind this mark made her weep as she had to contract them in a desperate attempt to climb out of