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Yeti again (SEC2014)

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posted on Nov, 4 2014 @ 01:04 AM

Our future
Crestview middle school

"I give," the Dean was on the ground. "Mr. President, Your niece is a member of the Franklin Trust. She admitted she killed her teacher's dog."

President Macer kicked the dean in the ribs as holophones recorded it, "Get my good side."

Gretchen Smithson grabbed the president and carried him back, "Alexander! He cant help it he is a bigot."

"Mother," Jezabelle wearing all black as member of the President's detail spoke. "This is the Teacher who started it."

A woman with a black eye, bleeding nose, missing tooth, and busted lip was tossed in front of Colonel Smithson, "You cant do this. I am a member of the Union and I filing a complaint. This child is a monster who claims she killed my fluffy. I defended myself. Those sub humans should all be put in camps."

"I am suing you for every penny you have Mr. President," the Dean cries from the ground.

"Good luck with that. I only make a dollar a year and have no assets,"President Macer was very mad. "Abigail what happened."

"Mrs. Avison started in on me. She said you were a war mongering fascist. She asked how did I feel as a monster having a baby killer as an uncle," Abigail was all innocent eyed as she readjusted her black badge and white badge indicating her Dual heritage. "I have no clue on fluffy. Not my style."

"I.." Mrs. Avison spit up blood, "The Franklin Trust is a threat to public safety. I have been assaulted and," Avison freezes as the hate filled Pheremones filled the room. Her own primitive fear responses had her shaking and trying to crawl backwords. Several of the Black badge Franklin Trust students are glaring at her.

"She hit me after I told her that the Democratic Party was the party of the Klu Klux Klan," Abigail showed her black eye. "So I threw a biology table at her. She dodge it and it went out a window."

"You threw a biology table at her," Jezabelle Smithson was impressed. "You ripped it out of the mounts."

"Yes auntie Jezabelle," Abigail looked down. "Aunt Gretchen.. I am.. I apologize for not acting Lady like. But she started it. I didnt kill her because Uncle Helos told me not to."

"How many other students here are willing to testify to the racism they have have encountered here at the school," President Macer Asked the kids wearing badges.

All the Black Badges raised there hands and the shy white badges raised there hands.

The oldest black badge spoke, "Mr. President. Howard J. Trinius. We all, to the student, have faced this. Several of the teachers have even allowed the other students to jump us and then they suspend us for starting things."

"Thats a lie," The Dean on the ground cries out. "They are just lying because I have had nothing but discipline issues out of them."

"Black Badges maybe," Alexander Macer growls. "White badges, Seriously doubt. You see Dean the Franklin Trust white badges are bred pacifist. They avoid conflict instinctively. Two, I reviewed all the Franklin trust records of their students you racist prick. They all behave well in school to hide in the middle."

"Your doing this as political," Mrs. Avison stops when Jezabelle kicks her.

"Uncle Macer," Abigail evilly grins. "Mrs. Avison is former Air Force. She resigned when you won the election."

President Alexander Macer gets a look on his face, "Sweet. Colonel Smithson, I hear the Marines are looking for a few good men."

"You cant reactivate me." Mrs. Avison gets a very scared look on her face, "I was allowed to resign my commission. That crap."

"Welcome back to the Department of Defense Mrs. Avison," Colonel Gretchen Smithson responded. "Boys take this fine specimen of racism over to Eglin Air Force base Medical."

The Female Secret Service Agent grabbed the Teacher first and the males just smiled.


Presidential Convoy
south 85

"Uncle Andros and Mrs. Reoven had breakfast together after they dropped me off at school," Abigail shook her head. "If she loves her husband why was she dancing to Bed of Roses with Uncle Andros? I can smell her pheromones and she wants him as badly as he wants her. You adults are silly sometimes.." She sniffs the air, "And you need to bath after a quickie Uncle President. Cleanliness is next to godliness, auntie Mei'Ling says and you stink of pheromones not yours."

Every Adult is quiet..

"Listen Abigail. The song says a blonde still gives him nightmares," President Macer Grimaces. He closes his eyes, "Your Uncle is a good man. Sometimes when we start to fossilize and get stupid.. We dont discuss that out of respect for your Uncles right to screw up his life as he see's fit. Its that bad." Alexander closes his eyes, "Somethings are lived through, somethings cant be fixed right this instant, and other things.. Too much water under the bridge."

"So why do you accept it," Abigail coldly ask? "If I was an adult and had the experience you each have, why not fix it?"

"Abigail," Gretchen tries to say something.

"Little one your right," The President closes his eyes. "Truth is take my beautiful mess. I cant force people to do something because that never works out. Cunning and guile are the most you can do and in the end they falter. Truth is it is timing, elbow grease, and luck. Promise me on your word you will let your Uncle Andros be himself. Give him the same space he gives you."

"Ok.." Abigail does no seem convinced, "So where are we going?"

"That is your birthday surprise," Alexander smiles. "You showed an interest a little while ago in crypto-zooology. Well your Uncle Alexander has a surprise. We are going to a secret location and you will never be able to discuss this with anyone."

"Really," Abigail put out a large amount of excitement pheromones. "A conspiracy theory.. Cryptozoology.."

Gretchen rolls her eyes, "This my dear Jezabelle is why I try to keep you far away from your Uncle Andros and Uncle Alexander."

"So Abigail.. This Mrs. Reoven .. Can I take her,"Jezabelle looked at her mother and stuck her tongue out.

"I dont know Aunt Jezzie," Abigail twist her face. "They had night sweat on them but its more like they just held each other. I am not sure about this human heart crap. Those two smell just like you and Uncle Helos, Auntie. why doesnt Uncle Andros just turn around and claim the woman he loves."

Gretchen leans over and kisses Abigail on the forehead, "Little one. It was once that simple. Now there are a few security issues I have to tell you. Their leader Sherman was told of you when your Uncle Alexander ignored everyone's advice. Sherman's people are very spiritual. He has agreed to meet you. He found your story fascinating."

"Oh mother.. Your so stuck in your Patrician ways," Jezabelle grins. "Abigail.. You have to control yourself like I taught you. Sherman's people have an issue with our subspecies of human. We set off their self defense issues. They only accept momma because they claim they can smell her love for dad on her. Me and the twins confused them. So I suggested you to Uncle Macer. "

"Soul Smell," Abigail thinks for a minute.. "If the (alien people) can soul speak.." She see's The President smile, "What I live with Uncle Andros. Leeta asked me about that lady dancing. I do not like Leeta, but she cares about Uncle Andros. " Abigail giggles, "Anyway.. I can make out words and phrases."

"You speak Leeta's language," Gretchen was wide eyed?


posted on Nov, 4 2014 @ 10:58 PM

Hidden location

"Sherman," the woman in a cloak spoke. "You should not have made first contact. We had an agreement to protect your people."

"Were where your people when the people of Chin attacked our villages in the Land the Americans call Alaska," Sherman coldly stated. "The truth is we were surprised when General Helos heard the cries of the mothers, children, and injured and attacked the people of Chin." The White furred Yeti calmly sat, "You, our brothers, for the first time in your history have defended us Against your own tribes. The council was swayed by the words of your truth speaker Colt. The sorrow in his soul is great and yet. He spoke only the truth to us in the sing song of the people of the Stars. Your subspecies has evolved and we missed it. You have grown moral fiber, the Grandmaster's plan succeeded. Earlier then he expected Mrs. Sperling."

"It takes time for our tribe to learn Sherman," The cloaked woman sighs. "Are you sure this is what your people want? The Franklin Trust is having some adjustment issues.." Sperling's cloak seems alive as it flows, "Sherman. Your people are always welcomed."

"Tell the Grandmaster we are no longer hiding." Sherman looks at Sperling, "You know their tribal leader has copies of all the Grandmaster's creations. Surely you would be welcomed."

"All we ask is you let us stay hidden. "Sperling sighs. "This debate has been going on among us recentaly. We are barely able to hide from, as you put it, our tribal leaders space based inheritance."

"Which also played part of the reason we have decided to make contact," Sherman responded. "Our people free to walk our lands in peace. Even possibly visit the our spiritual homeworld Luna."

Sperling sighs, "I will let the Grandmaster know your decision."

"Tell the old man we will keep your secret. " Sherman looks at Mrs. Sperling, "We think the human race is ready."


Different Hidden Location
Hours later

"This is," The older black man was shocked. "They exist. Those conspiracy nuts were right."

"Mr. Speaker," The man in the three peace suit whispers. "This changes nothing. We have the exclusive drilling rights in those areas."

"Not anymore," President Macer responds. "Mr. Speaker. Reginald, I invited you here to see for your own eyes. These are a very proud people. Your a black Preacher and to be honest a better man then me. Are they as much god children as you are? Would you let someone takes your grandmomma's house?"

"Mr. President.. I employee thousands of men and women," The man in the three piece suit responds. "Those rigs represent jobs. Now your going econut on us. We should have never supported you. Mr. Speaker we represent a powerful set of interest. We will be drilling and mining."

A hologram appears, "Mr. President. I give you the Leader of the Chinese Provisional government."

The Hologram of a bruised and battered man falls forward, "Mr. President. We have surrendered to the United Nations. This is an outrage. The President of the UN has assured us they are sending troops and food."

The Various tribal leaders of the creatures stood there and whispered among themselves.

"The Problem Mr. Chairman is that your at war with us not the UN. China is to be jointly governed by our allies. General Smithson," President Macer coldly looks at the Hologram of the Chairman.

"Mr. President the refurbished air fleet has engaged the UN," General Helos Smithson grins. "New Aztech has over twenty thousand drones that are seven hours away. Canada and Britain have lent us three hundred bureaucrats. Hong Kong has asked for provisional status as a protectorate. The Sea Peoples have another Four thousand special forces on the way." General Helos stomps on the hand of the Chinese official. "The terms are simple. Surrender or be starved out."

"Please. You Americans think you," The chairman cries out in pain.

"As we speak several of our people have had mayors of your villages surrendering for food and water," The President of the United States of America grins. "We also have a new set of allies. They might be joining the oversight of the villages. We are done coddling you bastards. Do you surrender or is China going to have a massive population die off?"

"Hundreds of millions are dying and starving," The Chairman closes his eyes. "We surrender. For the love of god let the food through?"

President Macer looks at the Provisional Chinese Leader, "He is lying. Macer shoot down all the food planes and get out of there. Find the real leaders."

"Mr. President," The Provisional Chinese leader was wide eyed. "You are butchering innocent civilians. We will.."

General Smithson puts a bullet in the leaders head, "We will create a no UN fly zone. He was lying so you know Mr. Speaker. Mr. President.. Perhaps we can steal the food.. It wood make my job easier here. We have a colonel who has been badgering to try some air piracy."

The Speaker closes his eyes, "The President is authorized to make these decisions as the Commander and Chief." The Speaker closes his eyes, "This means we will have new jobs in our new Territories. ."

"So you are going to," The man freezes when he see his man dropped faced first.

"The next order of Business Mr. President.." General Smithson smiles, "We caught ourselves a rat."

"Mr. Speaker, " President Macer looks at the man in three piece suit. "Measurement time. This man works for your biggest supporter. He is not the Christian you think he is."


Thirty minutes later

The Female Elders that came with their mates watch as Abigail plays with a Wendigo Child.

An all white furred female gets worried and speaks in her native tongue, "Gentle Seiz.. She is only human."

To their amazement Abigail caught the arms of the 'Wendigo' Seiz, "Elder. She is stronger then I am." He goes flying through the air with his small horns just missing her.

"Tag your it," Abigail speaks in the language the elder female spoke running away.

"No fair," Seiz lands very gracefully and takes off following Abigail.

The Females jump when Jezabelle Appears, "Ladies. I do not mean to startle you. Before you ask. It takes me a little longer then Abigail to pick up a language. " Still in English, "It seems she has made a friend. That is very rare for her."

Both children run right through the little group.

"Seiz you will have to move faster then that," Abigail taunts.

"No far.. You cant do that invisible thing," Seiz responds in his native tongue.

Several of the other Children hiding in the area come out when they hear the two of them playing..

The bigger male brown furred tries to sniff the air. He seems to have trouble sensing Abigail. He gets frustrated and hits Seiz, "Your human friend. She stinks.."

Abigail darts using the abilities she posses and puts the bigger Bigfoot child in a Wrenching Full Nelson. "Your a bully." She whispers in the kids ear, "If your such a bad A$$ break free norm.. Break Free."

Several of the Adult male elders take an interest.

"Mr. President.. Your niece needs to be careful," Sherman smiles. "Your people are weaker. If he looses his self.."

Sherman stops wide eyed as he see's Abigail demonstrate raw strength as the Bigfoot child tries to power out. To the other childs surprise. He can barely budge Abigail's arm.

"Thats not possible," Sherman was wide.

edit on Tue, 04 Nov 2014 23:00:28 -060000p2014-11-04T23:00:28-06:0020141130Tue, 04 Nov 2014 23:00:28 -06002014Tuesday by ripcontrol because: one small description

posted on Nov, 5 2014 @ 06:09 PM

Next Day
Crestview Florida
Renovated Farm house

"I hear you dont like me," The woman looks at Abigail. She hydrates her food, "I am very interested as to why young lady. We do not know each other. Me and Gretchen are friends"

Abigail was very quiet as she looked at Mrs. Reoven, "You kissed him by accident before he left my right peg leg. More like french kissed because His pheromones are on your breath. Who is the blonde no one will tell me about." Abigail looks at Mrs. Reoven, "You know her."

"You are as bad as your Uncle Andros," Reoven shakes her head. "He asked me to watch you. He has to go follow up with the Yeti or whatever they are calling themselves. I heard you had multiple disagreements with them."

"They were being bullies," Abigail doesnt take her eyes off of the older woman. "It appears that the Wendigo Tribe is the black sheep of the People of the Crone. Is a better translation then what they are screwing with us over for their tribe name."

"I was warned you are like Andros and Helos had a child together. A mix of Patrician and Plebeian like Helos." Mrs. Reoven takes a deep breath, "The ghost will be their forever dear child. She haunts me and him. " After a moment, "Whats the google on the Yeti tribes?"

"Quit trying to be hip. It is not you," Abigail responds. "They are several tribes best described in the words we use. Their language evolved hiding information so a lot is conjecture. They have a very rich history and know a lot about our early history. Uncle Macer will get the academic support when Uncle Andros is done today. The full history makes some interesting claims."

"Your, what was it said.. A language Savant,"The older lady puts her cup into the Automatic drink dispenser, "God your uncle is lazy."

"He keeps the coffee you drink in the upper cabinet on the left," Abigail looks at the older woman. "It is not laziness its constructive forethought. Yes I seem to understand languages quite naturally. "

"Did you find out why Homo Sapien and Homo Lost link are related," Reoven drinks her Orange Juice?

"No.. Uncle Andros did," Abigil pushes the control and her glass is refilled with milk. "It seems that the Reason goes back very far, To the actual flood myth. They Are several subspecies of Wendigo, Yeti, Bigfoot, Sasquatch and Snowman. It is easier to describe the location then the native names they got. One is more snow based, one is hidden well in the swamps of New Orleans, one in the woodland locations, One is more water based with earlier signs of Speciation, and the last one is jungle based. I had to tell uncle macer that Four are hidden and not mentioned. " She looks at Reoven, "He never brought it up with them. Told me you never ask a lady about her past. She will tell you if she wants to. If not, oh well. Its not that important."

Reoven shakes her head, "You have a crush on Alexander. Your breathing gave you away. " She closes her eyes as memories flood her.

"You dont love your husband. You just in a relationship," Abigail sniffs the air.

Reoven has tears in her eyes, "He has your manners. You Uncle Andros and me wont work because he loves another woman Abigail."

The security System announces, "There are two creatures identified as Snowball Yeti and Wendigo. Snow ball is a female, age approximation.."

"Seiz," Abigail runs to the door. She opens it and speaks to the Yeti female in her language..

"Of course.. We wish to let the two of you play together." The Female responds, "Your one of the humans we feel it is safe for Seiz to interact with. He cant hurt you and to be honest. He has had a hard time." The Female Yeti smelled the air and looks at Reoven, "Honored mate of the truth speaker."

Abigail quickly speaks in the White furred females tongue..

After a minute of listening, "I see. The primer we have for human customs is. Experience is the only teacher. Mrs. Reoven. Abigail explained it to me." Their is sadness in the White furred Yeti's Voice, " I am called Kaul'el'Olosh.."

"Kal El," Abigal snorts. "Mrs. Reoven.. May we go play. I want to show him Nana Colts favorite tree."

"Go Abigail," Reoven shakes her head. "Is Kal El ok. I am not a linguist in the making like Abigail."

"My dear it is fine," Kal El breaths through her nose as the two children run out of the house at high speed. "The ghost of your sister haunts you. Your the painn in andros's soul when he truth spoke. The wounded souls," She reaches over and picks up Reoven. She starts Chanting as the tears run down Reoven's face..


back forty

The Deer runs as the two children chase the big buck.

Seiz is swinging from several branches, "He is big and fast."

Abigail is further ahead of Seiz and running at full speed. She reaches out and touches the buc's side freaking him out. She stops and lets him go. Seiz stops and lands like a graceful gymnast.

"Bye buddy boy," Abigail responds. "I play tag with Buddy boy when I need some alone time. He is very big and from strong stock. They survived this area when it was over hunted."

"Your really fast too," Seiz has to catch his breath. "Beosit is still in what you call time out grounding. His losing control like that shocked his people. Their whole scam of being calm and in control is a lie. My mother used to tell me the other tribes were just humans with fur. They all lie to themselves."

"Why do they dislike the Wendigo tribe so much," Abigail jumps up and catches a branch? She twist to sitting on top of it.

"We are cannibals," Seiz easily reaches the branch next to Abigail. "We eat our dead and those that are criminals sentenced to death. It is the only reason the other tribes tolerate us. We are the boogie men they use as a threat against the the rest. We are also the executioner in the rare cases they have."

"Is it true that uncle Helos got two hundred Wendigo Volunteers to help guard China," Abigail reaches over and takes Seiz's hand. "Dont tell anyone. this is my secret hiding spot."

"Yes.." Seiz pauses, "The Chinese killed my father. The tribal leader Sherman's mate forced all the children to be adopted. She is talking with your Aunt Gretchen to see if the Patricians want to adopt the Four Wendigo children because we do not fit in with any of the other tribes."

"It must be a trait of our common ancestor," Abigail looks over the woods as she holds Seiz's hand.

He rubs the side of her face in his peoples way.

"Lets go swimming. The Creek is up," Abigail grins as she jumps down and lands like spiderman.


Later that night

"A feast in our honor Truth Speaker," Sherman smiles. "You did not need to go to this extreme. We rarely eat this much."

Seiz was munching the raw Steak," Mr. Colt.. May I have another. "

Kal El speaks in her native Language..

Abigail laughs, "Its ok. Uncle Andros, I swear to the goddess, is telepathic.We have several more raw steaks that are fresh cuts."

Andros goes to the kitchen..

"Mrs. Redstone," Sherman speaks as he chows down on the fresh lettuce. "I understand you taught Seiz how to swim."

"Shh.. Uncle Andros ," Abigail is interrupted.

"That you went skinny dipping." Andros put the raw uncooked steak in front of Seiz who tensed up. "Relax Seiz. I dont have the same issues most people do over skin. A good woman cured me of it. " As he sat down, "Please pass the ketchup Kal El."

edit on Wed, 05 Nov 2014 18:10:21 -060010p2014-11-05T18:10:21-06:0020141130Wed, 05 Nov 2014 18:10:21 -06002014Wednesday by ripcontrol because: sounded bad

posted on Nov, 5 2014 @ 07:10 PM

Many Years Later
Eglin Air Force Base

Abigail looked at Seiz, "We are almost there. The equipment we stole from Montauk helped us."

"We leave tomorrow my furless one," Seiz unconciously rubs his large antler horns. "I will be in the body of a member of the Franklin Trust, seventh generation Patrician. I am curious over your choice. A mother of two daughters. One commits suicide."

"I chose it because of where this lady is. Her youngest daughter went to school with Andros, Alexander, and Helos. I will be positioned to perfectly influence them. " Abigail grins evilly, "We will put right what went wrong. I have read the reports. Its a dice roll if the environment will recover from world war three. Uncle Macer ran out of time, precious time."

"Our Ancestors wont see us coming.." Seiz leans back as Abigail snuggles with him, "It will be interesting to do this as a human."

"I have to kill two of our people tomorrow," Abigail quietly adds. "We are being watched. Their reports will reach the right people in 12 hours. The two of them are agents from two different agencies."

"Barring a minor X-factor Lt. Colonel.. The building will shut down before they can get agents in." Seiz thinks for a minute, "We can do this with 19 people. It will be a tighter run. We wont have time to recalibrate all the equipment."

"We have been off the radar for years." Abigail laid her head in Seiz's fur, "We can also help reverse your peoples fall. Are you sure they will follow us?"

"Yes. I know which warrior I will be challenging for control," Seiz grins. "I will be gentle with him. We need him because he will convince the others. My main concern is that we will need collaborators to pull this off."

"Once all the people Uncle Macer broke are under our thumb we can easily control them. " She closes her eyes, "I just wish I knew who the Reoven woman was. I got busy and never looked into it properly. And we damn sure cant check now."

"So am I going to have to eat your husband," Seiz grins. "I might do it for the fun of it furless one."

"Behave Seiz. We have to keep up appearances." She takes a deep breath, "I have to kill one person and the girl should be ok. I hope this Mrs. Parker is in somewhat of a good shape. If not I have to engage in an intensive exercise routine." She sighs, "We know who all the players are. All the biggest secrets of the last century or three. They wont see us coming."

"I just get that feeling that we have missed something," An old conversation goes through Seiz's mind.

"Thats why I love you Seiz.. You do all our worrying for me." Abigail grins, "Besides maybe I can find this Woman who gave Uncle Alexander nightmares when we are done. That and I can screw with Tink.."

"Tink," Seiz looks at Abigail?

"Long story.. Very long story,"Abigail kisses Seiz. "Furball.. It will be a long and hard mission. It is why I choose 1983. We will be there within the boarders of the Chronal Field Leeta's people say is blocking there access to the time field."

"Well I need to relax.. Because tomorrow we become revisionist on a scale never seen before in human history," Seiz grabs Abigail and passionately kisses her.


A mountain stream
NExt morning

"Robert," An older lady with red and white hair calls out. "Why are you looking at this all by yourself?"

"Ginny. It has been years since we started on this path. Sherman's people have kept our secret," Rob watches an old tom cat with a bird in his mouth. " Looks like Ira has fed himself again."

A now older woman walks out with Ginny, "Grandmaster. We have a problem. We are trying to find them now but.."

"Spit it out Sperling. We have come a long way since the Philidelphia ship yards in '42. " Rob watches the cat, "It cant be that.." He pauses and looks at Sperling, "It is that important?"

"Abigail Redstone," Sperling responds. "We all missed it. The missing equipment that was stolen. Her part time lover Seiz is unaccounted for. We think she is building a time machine. Grandmaster.. Janet is on the horn now with Kal-El and its not good. Seiz's soulsmell was at Montauk. Those guards were killed cold bloodily."

"She ," Rob pauses. "Get Issaac and Lyon here."

"They are on their way my love. It appears no going public or establishing communication may have saved us all." Ginny has a cold look on her face, "That little girl knows all the nations secrets. Large part from growing up in that household. If she decides to rearrange things, " Ginny looks at Rob.

"Grandmaster. We wont feel it," Sperling's cloak seems to dance. "This proves the wisdom of us not being public."

"Mrs Redstone," Rob rubs his forehead. "Find her and Seiz. She will be hiding in plain sight."

Sperling pauses, "Sir.. " She reads the data coming across her eyes, "The sirens at Eglin have gone off. It is .. Sir everyone is trying to get to one building." She moves her hand over a hologram, "Sir an agent Icer and.. Andros colt were last scene.." She reads, "We have confirmation both Abigail and Seiz are in the old NCO club."

"We are screwed. Now its up to our younger selves with no.."

posted on Nov, 5 2014 @ 07:12 PM
Thats Yeti Again in a nutshell

The missing links made contact with Humanity
A secret group no one else knew about stayed hidden

Abigail's mission is being executed

Hoped you enjoyed the mini

I might have one more up my sleve for the contest

posted on Nov, 13 2014 @ 11:00 AM
Hi ripcontrol,

I read Yeti Again this morning and I want to give you some feedback.

First, you have hugely creative ideas here! The multiple species and references to aliens and secrets and genetic experiments, etc. I can tell you think big and your inspirations are extremely creative. SO creative, in fact, that for a short story, it gets really challenging to keep it short and make it fully understandable.

I felt disoriented with all the characters and didn't have a frame of reference for who they were, what the structure of your world was, and what was happening. I think you have awesome world-building skills and have the outline/foundation for an entire novel right here!! It felt as potentially big as a whole series, even, and it reminded me a bit of Phillip Pullman (The Golden Compass: His Dark Materials) in its scope and sheer creativity.

In other words, your great strength is the tonnage of creative ideas that spill out of you with Niagra-like proportions. The issue then becomes how to squeeze all of that down into a short story and have it be coherent to those who know nothing of the world you are presenting. I am still, honestly, not entirely sure what happened in your story. However, I have starred and flagged it because I really appreciate the immensity of your creativity.

That is my two cents, for whatever it may be worth. I hope you know that I speak to you with great respect. Thanks so much for sharing this!


posted on Nov, 13 2014 @ 12:59 PM
a reply to: AboveBoard

thank you

I still have the context problem
I have been trying to fix it

I find myself rebelling from my own attempts to instill order in my own stories

Its set in the Future of the Revisionist war

This was over the discovery of the Yeti tribes and contact
Little Abigial is the main villian in the other story
here she is just a little girl growing up in extraordinary circumstances
One of her uncles is President
One of her uncles is America's general Patton/ Boyington/ boyd
the man raising her is america last great dinosaur in the news

It was tie ins

The yeti tribes needed work
I am glad you enjoyed the creativity

Thank you for spending the time..
I have got to tie in the context better

thank you very much I appreciate the feedback
Re calibration time

Do you think the other Entry in the contest I submitted
1)Same Problem

I have part three to write but If one and two suffer from it I will need to fix it Do context better

PS my only solution I can think of is work on the the end of the story.. Write it all out then Go back and rewrite completely..

posted on Nov, 13 2014 @ 01:45 PM
I have not read the second part yet - I wanted to get through the rest of the entires.

As a thought, and only a thought, your story reads in many ways like a screenplay. In other words, you have very little "setting" and very little "description" and mostly its dialogue and simple action. Because of that, the context is hard to grasp. You could take the characters you have in your head, and let me sense them - feel them - hear them - touch them - etc, ground them into their world of being through my senses. You can give me context and add to character through describing them as you see them but subtly - through how they gesture, etc. Let them live in space, and describe the space they live in - the sights, sounds, smells (you do some of this).

The other thought, again, just a thought, is to give me more description embedded in between the dialogue, not only of characters, but of their thoughts as well, which will give me inside information into what is happening and provide context.

You may not like to do it that way. I understand there are multiple ways to approach a story! The story is big - I very much want to see you let it breathe and flesh it out. The dialogue is only one small bit of what is happening inside your head, I'm guessing?? Give me more of what you are experiencing... I don't want to change what you are going for, so if these thoughts resonate with you, great! If not, then I totally understand that too. I appreciate your desire to dig in and work the story!


- AB

posted on Nov, 14 2014 @ 07:07 PM
a reply to: ripcontrol

Very Good!! I enjoyed reading this!
Very creative too, I might add!!
I liked the Images You planted in also.

Nice touch!
S+F For You!!!

My entry, at bottom of My post, is not nearly as long as Yours, as I tried to keep it short.
I probably could have gone on more with it expanding Their World a bit more,
but I didn't want to do it for the contest entry.
Maybe I will do a longer Story of Them (Fixers) in a Post all on It's own someday.

I ramble. I'm outta here! Nice Job!!!

posted on Nov, 15 2014 @ 12:57 PM
a reply to: AboveBoard

I am taking the advice of course


Let me know in the main story this is based in, when you get the chance if the difference is there..

I am trying to add the context of the environment and what is going on around better

Also of note-
At one site I am on under a different name

I had been trying to do a story called the The Grind
No violence
No action
No sex or foreplay
no cussword

The reason it was the grind
I was trying to tell the story , all g rated
yet leave the feeling of all the above
it was after action pretty much

The idea was for the survivor of a horror type movie
Saturday the 14th

I am going to add your critque to the list
It should give a push to the whole story so it sound good

If I post a version here I will use Professor Azul in a short story
(yes the revisionist one)

Thank you very much for the advice

posted on Nov, 15 2014 @ 01:03 PM
a reply to: SyxPak

I responded mostly a second time in your story thread
I liked the idea of the fixers

The pictures seemed to get better response then the videos
I hope mix does better

I am also tempted to rewrite this whole story and see if I cant hit the points AboveBoard mentioned

I am glad you like the idea

I hope if you get a chance you can vist the main one it is set in
War Of the Revisionist: Its good to hear your voice

I have one more post and its the end of Chapter one

then its on to chapter two
with a new thread

posted on Nov, 15 2014 @ 03:02 PM
a reply to: ripcontrol

I opened a link to the War on the Revisionists, and will go there in a min.
I saw and responded to Your Reply to Me at my story of 'The Fixers' Thread.
I am glad You like My idea of 'The Fixers'!!!
It's nice to hear that from one with such writing Talents like Yourself!!!
Again, I appreciate it!
I saw where AboveBoard replied and left some helpful critisism on this Story.
She has some valuable critique here!
Obviously it will be a time consuming endeavor to re-write this with some of Her points included, but I would like to see the New Story!!
I will definitely read it, if You so choose to do a re-write...... Later, Syx.

edit on 15-11-2014 by SyxPak because: (no reason given)

posted on Nov, 15 2014 @ 04:35 PM
a reply to: ripcontrol

Let me know in the main story this is based in, when you get the chance

In the main story? Where? A different thread?? Sorry, I have had a long crazy (but good) day and am exhausted. I would be happy to go read something if you put a link to the post. It may take me a day or so. I think it is awesome you are working on this!!

Thanks so much !!

edit on 15-11-2014 by AboveBoard because: (no reason given)

posted on Nov, 15 2014 @ 08:09 PM
a reply to: AboveBoard

War of the Revionist: Its good to hear your voice

I think I am doing one more post and then starting chapter two

I am trying to implement the ideas and suggestions you said
It will have one more post trying to stick to the idea

The main Idea
(let me know If I am hitting the note so to speak)

We had a good future
Got lucky and got a great president

A group came back and is changing history
The leader is little Abigail

Theme is old school Versus new school

Your suggestions made something work
So thank you again

posted on Nov, 26 2014 @ 09:43 PM
a reply to: ripcontrol

hmmm ... not convinced

posted on Nov, 27 2014 @ 05:55 PM
a reply to: maxzee


could you please explain

posted on Dec, 1 2014 @ 06:04 PM
Great story! Very readable and enjoyable.

I really enjoyed how you incorporated visuals into the story.

S&F and


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