How do you parent in today's world?

a reply to: 74Templar

Since I know you a bit, and I know that your house is the 'hangout house', you are approachable Dad. You mention honesty, when referring to the internet, what do you mean?

a reply to: Iamschist

I think being up front about the dangers of the internet. Ie: predators, bullying, consequences of posting words and photos on facebook and the like, is better than just going the road of "I'm the parent, do as I say."

The problem is at the same time as wanting to protect your kids from harm, you also need to open their eyes to the way the world really is. I'm sure we'd all like it to be rainbows and lollipops, but you need to show your kids the bad as well as the good, and in doing so give them some responsibility to protect themselves too.

Teaching that responsibility rather than wrapping them in bubble wrap and hovering over every internet session to me is the best approach (for my kids anyway).

a reply to: 74Templar

Sounds wise. The internet so widens the things they are potentially exposed to. Doing a search for 'Art" for example will bring up a gazillion porn sites. Talking about what is out there, encouraging and answering questions surely helps.

The consequences of posting part is a real humdinger. I am not sure many young people are aware of how injurious that can be to their future. Children are not good at looking around corners. I think the one saving thing is, as so many are posting gaffs it is likely that those who employ will also have dufus children of their own. lol

originally posted by: Iamschist
a reply to: projectvxn

For some reason I too was pretty focused on raising an independant child. I think it is great the values you are instilling.

Raising your child to leave you, it's a good thing.

I honestly don't think we're raising enough independent people in general, independent women in particular.

originally posted by: Iamschist
a reply to: tovenar

Thank you for your reply. You sound very strict. You have kept your children safe and as a parent, that is the main thing.

How would you feel about your older children being on ATS?

My kids know all about ATS!

The computer in the living room is turned to everyone in the room can see what I'm reading and typing. (the rules of transparency in computer use apply to me as well). I often read snippets of articles and funny posts to the Mrs., and they of course hear it too. (I leave out the sex and profanity if the littles are in the room).

I have pretty serious boundaries set, but that is not the same as "sheltering them" (keeping them ignorant) from the larger world.

I work hard to see that my children are intellectually well rounded. Knowing that they will eventually decide their own religious beliefs, we enroll them in courses on the various world religions. We also work to make sure they have a good knowledge of philosophy and politics, as well as science. We raise our kids with a strong grasp of the history of ideas, as well as of history and science (there are professors and engineers in my extended family). All of them are learning other languages in addition to English.

I expect they will read sites like ATS on their own as they get older and spend more time online. Their online presence will increase with age, and of course be totally up to them when they move out at 18. They have all heard me say that the internet is like a library, build on the second floor above a seedy tavern. To get to the library you often have to walk through the bar area. Mom or I must escort you through the bar on your way to the library until you understand about predators, etc. But they start learning to navigate online in the 5th grade, at school.

a reply to: tovenar

ATS is funny.

Raising a well rounded, responsible human is the goal isn't it? Hopefully a compassionate person. The waters of parenting seems so much more complicated to me, today. Holding yourself to the same standards is imho great. Thank you for your reply.

a reply to: Iamschist
Now that I think about it, my parents pretty much gave free reigns, in fact a bit to much. When I was a kid I would stay up till 2 am at night playing hide and go seek with my friends, our general bed time would be at least 12 at night. I would literally get on my bike and go half the town away to a river under the bridge past highways and everything and all just so I can catch salamanders and crawdads in the place, I would go or me and my friends would go all over the place. Once we even caught a whole bunch of them the little ones and put them in a stream in our neighborhood so they would grow there, and ya in a year next summer we had crawdads in that little stream.

Even at night sometimes I would hang out with the gangsters, even more then a few times heading in the back of the apartments were we lived and since they were all older I would watch them all shoot at trees, a few times having the cops called and running in the dark through bushes and everything while the idiots were still shooting at random. And everything in between, including building tree houses, in fact once climbing a big tree it was at least 3 stories high, I remember once I got to the top I was stuck there for a while because going down was going to be more of a pain then going up. Once even climbed one of those big main powerline towers. And then much latter in school I remember they had a video were they showed us why we should never climb those things, and then thinking maybe I should stop doing that...Oh ya! I could have ended up crispy more then often. We even had fights and everything as kids, we would take gloves and go out to the park and just punch the # out of eachother, sometimes even real fights would ensue over mundane things like arguments when playing football.

Now that I think about it, I may have not been a wild child as I didnt smoke or drink or do any weird things, but the # I got up to was more of danger then most of the bad kids got up to and I had to go farther to do it. And that was the least of it, in fact if half the things I got up to when I was kid if my parents knew about, they would not let me outside period. But then I was the only kid I knew who would skip school and go to the library to read books...So go figure.

So ya! I probably would not know were to start on those questions, because really they would not apply to me even when I was a kid. But to answer your questions anyways.

1: I think you probably have to find a balance in that, technology is growing so fast that now a days most kids would know more about it then there parents do. If you keep it all away from them they will grow up not even knowing about the world they are in, and lets face it today you have to have as much electronics skills as you can. Most things and a lot of jobs out there are based on electronics in one form or another. Its more and more a tool which is a necessity to have, anything from smartphones to knowing how to operate computers and what not. Even the social outlets on the internet are just turning into another function of modern society.

However I think electronics and technology will change things period no matter if you have been exposed to it or not. Its just the nature of the beast.

2: Ah doom and gloom for kids is just fluff, even if they sensed anything was going on they would not know it if it fell on there heads from space. I think it is dangerous to constantly bombard kids with that, it is even more dangerous to have them grow up into a world they are not aware. In the past and even now a days its always been that we basically told kids lies dressed up as fairy tales about the real world, and once they grew up they basically had to re-learn to basically forget everything they have been thought as kids. Because oh so shockingly the world there parents thought them was far different then the world they got out into. Some sense of balance and logic and a bit more realism need apply if you get what I am saying, instead of the constant fluffer we shove in there heads while young. Basically in moderation again as the first question.

3: Online bullying is a lot easier to put up with then real actual bullying. In fact you can not know the difference till you have gone to the actual thing to see how silly it is to be put up by some stranger online. In all to tell the truth I was more afraid of the fact that my parents would learn about it then i was of bullies. In fact that little fact kept me and riled me up more then anything, in school you always get bullies.

I would have rather preferred that I could just fight and get it over with then all the stupid consequences you have to go along with putting up with it. And eventually it becomes a bit taboo and everybody pushes it to the side, and even the ones getting bullied try to live with it. And in my case even when i was bullied, I wanted to tear some of them up right then and there, even once thinking of pushing a kid off a highrise so I can get over with it. But I never went along with it, not because of the bulling itself, but because the consequences of it all would be worse then the actually bulling. And when you have to deal with that day in and out, and because once they know they can get away with it they will do it again and again.

Well to tell the truth it would be better at least for boys if the gym teacher or whoever got the bully and the one they were bullying together and gear them up and let them swing at each other then let them go there own way. But that will only work for some kids, I dont even know if girls got bullied at school, though if they did it was mostly girls stuff, being uncool or snipe comments about whatever.

So bullying in one form or another is a part of life, in fact even at work and everywhere else. It would be more sensible if you had some sort of formal challenge no matter who they were. You know! You sir have offended my honor, I challenge you to a duel, and then proceed to aim for the jaw. So far the way society has been doing it the only thing that has happened is that bullies in general have learned how to get away with it easier and go farther with it in life.

But hey I am sure everybody has there ideas on this thing.

4: Stranger danger. Well never go anywhere with strangers. Simple as that, on the dot, no exceptions.

5: That's a bit more tricky, I mean it depends on what kid of kid you got. And really, your neighborhood, and how mature they are, and there mental outlook and everything. Offline and online I would say it depends on age, if there young dont let them go on some sites, or to you know run wild or do anything crazy or stupid or hang around with some people. I am kind of an exception, but my younger brother ended up bad because of it and is still having issues to this day with the law and his records and everything because of the people he chose to hang around with.

So really it depends on the person in question. And if you dont know your own kid, then your in trouble to begin with. The worst thing however that happens is when kids raise kids. I mean they should have some free reign but not to free, because kids are stupid and do stupid things even when there teenagers, but if there to free then they will never settle into the confines of society at large, and believe you me society is a confined concept itself. So again more moderation is required.

a reply to: galadofwarthethird

What a nice gift to bump my thread, and such a thoughtful reply. Thank you! I think after reading about your childhood, in your parents case ignorance was bliss. lol Had they known what you were up to I expect they would have been prematurely gray, or perhaps not. I cannot imagine allowing my child that much freedom. I kept bedtimes, etc. I did try not to helicopter mom, so he went and did things that I found out about later. lol

I love that you were a budding naturalist. Is it still an interest today?

Did you have a dinner time where you and your parents talked?

I think knowing your child and establishing that relationship is critical, so I agree with you there.

Yes girls are bullied, I am a coward, so I ran. lol These days I think it is a lot harder with the social networks and violent games etc. If children do not have the benefit of that relationship with their parents they can get some bad ideas going on.

Again thanks for your thoughtful reply

a reply to: Iamschist

I love that you were a budding naturalist. Is it still an interest today?

Somewhat, but it dulls living in cities and such, but for the most part ya, somewhat, kindoff, but not really, or at least not these days, but maybe some day.

Did you have a dinner time where you and your parents talked?

Nah they tried, but I think its like everything else or other parents after a while, besides what would they have that they could talk to me about. I would grab my grub and head upstairs. Even now most times I surf the net and eat at the same time. My table in my room is my dinner table much more often then not, and has been for a long while.


But ya! To much freedom is a bad thing in a constricting society especially one such as ours based on molding to prescribed sets rules and roles, if your to free you will be like the odd duck out. Its general worse in males then females as they different greatly in everything form mental makeup to there general place in society. And well! Its probably not a good thing to just let you kid run out and do what they want you do not fit into the mold of society to well then.

I dont know, I suppose it all depends on the individual in question and knowing what they are like. Most parents these days, and more so in the past try to mold there kids into some vision they have in there heads, only the smarter ones looked at there kid and said to themself. "hmm so what exactly does he or she adhere to and how can I help that grow and adhere to society at large so it would help him or her at large" They try to drone things into there head that they have little to no aptitude toward and they they are surprised that latter when they grow they dont like it at all and move to other things in life.

Its not rocket science here you know, if you got a kid who cant stand still and runs around all the time, put his ass on the football team and not the chess team, and help his or hers strengths grow, but now a days its the druging thing thats popular, after all kids are not supposed to run around. And vise versa, if you got a kid who is quite and not all that of a runner, and more introverted, well maybe you should not try to make him or her a little football star because that's what you wanted to be in your youth. I mean it gets more complicated then that, but most kids are not that hard to figure out, so ya, its not rocket science in most cases you know.