Talking to Random Strangers on the Street

a reply to: WhiteAlice

i missed this post earlier... and it's nasty, but essentially, so what? Should one use that as reason to never talk to another human in a public place who you have not met before?

I've seen heaps of "street theatre" too but that's life sometimes.

Keep calm and carry on!

Saw this video yesterday and it was pretty shocking, but at the same time it was picking and choosing.
They set her up for shady comments, a more curvy, young, attractive female strutting on the streets. BUT it achieved the goal, that some people can just be out right bold and rude while being bold. It's one thing to get someones attention, but it's another to pretty much insult them while they are just walking by.

I have sparked up conversation with random people before, but it's only after some sort of ice breaker, like waiting in line, or bumping into one another, or eating lunch alone, and they are alone, it's been guys and girls, but strangely it's been mostly females I spark up a random conversation with, for some reason, I feel like talking to females easier - yea wish I had this confidence in high school - but something like this guys just randomly spouting out "good morning" means they saw her, were attracted to her and wanted to smooth talk her in hopes for something more, it's not just a random "have a nice day" it usually means something else.

I wonder how this would play out if it were a dude walking down the street? Or if she had visible headphones on.

originally posted by: skalla
a reply to: WhiteAlice

Sure, it's not my intention to imply you thought it made one a loon, just my reflection on how people can perceive someone talking to a stranger in a busy city.

I've lived in some pretty rum areas, though as a dude it's a slightly different experience ofc. I often find that the rougher the area, the nicer and friendlier the decent folk, but then there have been times when folk may have assumed i was the potential trouble maker and given me a wide berth.

Sadly, sometimes it really is safer to view everyone as a threat and flat out avoid them (rather than just being a potential threat and to be alert). But it's a shame when we cant give a fellow human a little leeway and it's no surprise many communities have disintegrated when there is no trust, though in many case one can understand the reasons for extreme social caution.

Myself though, i'll carry on as i am and give a little trust to all except those that really set my dogs barking, but as a man who can still look after himself in most situations it's a lot easier for me to say that.

Perfect, skalla. Street smarts, right? That's something that anyone living in an urban setting eventually develops.

Insert corny wikihow website: www.wikihow.com...

A guy saying "how ya doing?" in a downtown setting is going to be regarded as being different from the guy walking down through your typical middle class surburban neighborhood that asks the same. It's that context and the provocation of any sort of potential negativity could be varied--could be race, could be economic status, could be that the person who just decked you for no good reason just wants to see the world burn--male or female.

Even the creepy guy that hounded the woman in that video could very well happen to a guy in the same setting. I've seen someone say "how ya doing?" to a guy and then, follow them saying almost the same exact things down the street. I bet you anything that guy was just as unnerved as that woman was. And that's the perspective I'm trying to drive home.

Having street smarts basically dictates that not everybody is worthy of trust and while that's really sad, it's true for both men and women. It's an issue of living in a population dense area where you're going to have a whole variety of people, both the good and the bad. Placing what is happening in that video into that kind of context can maybe help people understand that, no matter who you are, you never quite know what another person's intentions are outside of the sexual objectification questions. It's a shame.

originally posted by: Benevolent Heretic

So, a lot of them were hitting on her, rude, aggressive and scary, but a few were saying "hello"? Well, without sounding too bitchy, good for those few. As a woman and rape victim, I'm not even going to hear the few who are genuinely saying 'hello" to me. I'm scared, feel like a piece of meat on display and totally creeped out. I don't think you're being naive, I think you're maybe NOT thinking about her feelings in an attempt to protect those few who MAY have been just being friendly.

Firstly I am not protecting anyone.. I'm trying to judge the video on what I see, not what I project.
Of course, the majority are creepy guys who "want a piece of ass" and even as a guy... that creeps me out.
I can't stand to see guys do that and make women uncomfortable, I've never been like that and never will and it makes me cringe when I see that, I've even spoken up and intervened before.

Now onto the actual reply.

Well I don't know? Are we lumping them all in together?
We have no idea which of those guys was genuinely saying hello... we know which one's were blatantly hitting on her but there were a few "hey there" "good afternoon" type greetings too and maybe those guys were saying hello to others, we don't see enough extra footage to make that judgement.

about how one looks or how their ass looks or anything like "DAMN!" ... I NEVER call anyone "baby" on the street. Do you? This woman was NOT making eye contact. She was clearly disturbed at all the attention she was getting. But the men just kept bothering her.

Nope...never called anyone anything remotely like that & don't blatantly ogle women or hit on them.
And of course, the video was made for that reason... to show just how difficult it is and how much "attention" and harassment a woman gets just walking around.
But my only point was we don't know that every single "greeting " was harassment or sexual solicitation, yet the video includes seemingly harmless hellos and states at the end that this was all abuse and harassment, I'm merely pointing out that I don't think it's possible to judge that just from the footage.

I don't think ONE guy in that video was just being friendly. But to give them the benefit of the doubt, let's assume a few were. I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about the vast majority who told her to smile, and persisted when she didn't, commented on her looks, mentioned money, called her "mami", "baby", or "darlin", said simply, "Nice!" or "Damn!" The guy who said "God Bless you, have a good day" is the one who followed her for 5 minutes. God bless you, my ass! He was a freaking stalker.

Watch the video again and see how many genuinely friendly "hellos" there were... while they watched her ass as she walked away.

Totally agree... all those guys were assholes and should have left her alone.
They lack class and respect and I highly doubt that they have ever "picked up" a woman acting like that.


My comment had nothing to do with those guys.

a reply to: WhiteAlice

I'm not sure if you are agreeing or disagreeing with me! But the guys in the vid, imo, were pretty much being creeps but then i'm a brit so we'd more likely be a touch more formal and polite about things.

a reply to: WhiteAlice

Personally I saw nothing in this footage that could be called offensive or harassment. Admittedly the guy that followed her for 5 mins would have got an ear wigging if it were me and I thought he was a threat - but then I would have determined that within 1 minute or less by pausing window browsing. What I saw were men appreciating a beautiful woman walking by.

I've experienced sexual harassment in the work place and out of it. And before you ask I have also experienced abuse but I do
not allow it to control me. This is not it.

Yes - men appreciate a good looking woman and comment - I'd be surprised if they didn't. I actually enjoyed in my younger days the wolf whistles and cat calls. I knew I was looking good. And I would do the same if I saw a good looking male walking the street. Its what we do!

Seriously - who's agenda are we actually dancing to?

originally posted by: skalla
a reply to: WhiteAlice

I'm not sure if you are agreeing or disagreeing with me! But the guys in the vid, imo, were pretty much being creeps but then i'm a brit so we'd more likely be a touch more formal and polite about things.

Exactly... I don't think I've ever seen anything like that in England LOL
I guess it's hard to tell from the footage but to me, there were some genuine "hello's" in there... as I said, maybe I'm naive.

There was a time where an old man could sit on a bus and talk to the kid sat in the seat in front, or stop in the street and comment on a child's appearance or whatever... now they would be labelled a paedophile and we live in a society where everyone is now perceived as a threat or as dodgy, an assailant, a potential aggressor or whatever.

Like you, I'd rather give everyone the benefit of the doubt.



" You may say I'm a a dreamer... but I'm not the only one"

originally posted by: skalla
a reply to: WhiteAlice

I'm not sure if you are agreeing or disagreeing with me! But the guys in the vid, imo, were pretty much being creeps but then i'm a brit so we'd more likely be a touch more formal and polite about things.

I'm agreeing with you--no worries. This part of what you said is exactly the point I was hoping to bring to the table:

Sadly, sometimes it really is safer to view everyone as a threat and flat out avoid them (rather than just being a potential threat and to be alert). But it's a shame when we cant give a fellow human a little leeway and it's no surprise many communities have disintegrated when there is no trust, though in many case one can understand the reasons for extreme social caution.

As much as we may want to trust everybody to be good, kind, and etc, that kind of goes out the window in a downtown setting, either rightfully or wrongfully, because it is safer to view everyone as a threat and avoid them as sad as that is. Total agreement. Like you said in response to the verbal argument video--living downtown, we've all seen plenty of "street theater" and that's one of the reasons why it does safer to just keep to oneself and having a preference for avoiding being spoken to or noted on the street. Trying to blend in with the crowd and acting indifferent.

Myself though, i'll carry on as i am and give a little trust to all except those that really set my dogs barking, but as a man who can still look after himself in most situations it's a lot easier for me to say that.

This hits on the point I'm trying to make. Society tends to view women as being more vulnerable (and I"ll probably get my butt kicked by some woman for saying that). It's that heightened sense of risk. If you can give a little trust to all except those few that give off a really bad vibe because you're a man that can take of things should they crop it, it's easier. Me, as a 5'6 blonde, not going to quite feel the same way and so that level of trust is even lower and that chance of threat, higher.

Make sense? That's the point I was trying make with this whole thread, lol, so I really hope you get it.

originally posted by: skalla
Should one use that as reason to never talk to another human in a public place who you have not met before?

I don't even know why you would say this... Of course we shouldn't use this as a reason not to speak to other people. But demanding that she smile, persisting when she didn't, commenting on her looks, talking about money, calling her "mami", "baby", or "darlin", saying simply, "Nice!" or "Damn!" is NOT a simple and polite hello on the street.

Can't you tell the difference?

a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

It was rhetorical. Like i said (and i guiess that you missed it), i think they were pretty much creeps and as an English gent my manner of talking to a stranger is quite different.

It begins with "excuse me" and a polite smile.

I've never been to New York, have no desire to go there. I live In the south though born and raised and down here walking by someone and NOT at least saying hello would be considered very rude. I guess it's a cultural thing. I would probably be locked up quickly in a big city.a reply to: WhiteAlice

originally posted by: blupblup
Firstly I am not protecting anyone..

OK. It seemed possible to me, but I was wrong.

Well I don't know? Are we lumping them all in together?

I said I was willing to give the benefit of the doubt to the 3-4 who JUST said hello. The video makers apparently are not, but I am.

We have no idea which of those guys was genuinely saying hello...

I think I do. There were about 3-4 who made no other comment besides a greeting. If he says, "Hello beautiful", that's not just saying hello.

But my only point was we don't know that every single "greeting " was harassment or sexual solicitation, yet the video includes seemingly harmless hellos and states at the end that this was all abuse and harassment, I'm merely pointing out that I don't think it's possible to judge that just from the footage.

As I said, benefit of the doubt to those 3-4. Seems like I'm talking about the jerks and you're talking about the 3-4. LOL

And I tried to say that if I were in that situation, I wouldn't even hear the 3-4 nice comments because I'd be so freaked out about complete strangers calling me "mami" and "baby".

originally posted by: skalla
a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

It was rhetorical.

Seems like there are a few misunderstandings here today. No offense intended to either of you.

a reply to: WhiteAlice

I watched the video and saw a lot of inpolite people, but no criminal activity. In the USA, we still have freedom of speech, so if someone says something you dont appreciate, simply return the favor. Personally, I think all women should carry a gun...if someone tries to violate your personal space in a threatening manor, use it. Beyond that, there is no way to regulate morality. What that video depicted is the result of a generation of men raised without real father figures. This is the what remains of the "land of the free and home of the brave".

a reply to: BELIEVERpriest

A gun? Just a gun? lol When I lived downtown, I used to carry a gun, had a switchblade hidden in the lining of my jacket, a tazer in another pocket and mace on my keychain.

I don't know whether that should make anybody laugh or cry, lol.

a reply to: WhiteAlice

I hear ya, personally, Im always armed to the teeth wherever I go, but I didnt want my paranoia to rub off on our fellow ATSers.

originally posted by: BELIEVERpriest
a reply to: WhiteAlice

I hear ya, personally, Im always armed to the teeth wherever I go, but I didnt want my paranoia to rub off on our fellow ATSers.

I learned to be fairly paranoid by the time I was 23 after a history of bad run ins. The arsenal grew as my experiences did. I also took both judo and karate. You know though, I'd joke about how paranoid I was by the time I hit 25 but as a male friend of my observed, "it's not paranoia when there really IS something to fear".

She might have at least acknowledged some of the "Hello, How you doing today" Questions. More people need to talk.

Why is it that if we are in the Wilds, on long walks in the woods or on the hills/mountains we say hello to everyone we pass...On the street we just put the head down and never talk to anyone.

Humans are a strange species.

originally posted by: WhiteAlice
a reply to: BELIEVERpriest

A gun? Just a gun? lol

When I lived downtown, I used to carry a gun, had a switchblade hidden in the lining of my jacket, a tazer in another pocket and mace on my keychain.

I don't know whether that should make anybody laugh or cry, lol.

People should be afraid of YOU..you got more weapons than North Korea.

originally posted by: Soloprotocol

originally posted by: WhiteAlice
a reply to: BELIEVERpriest

A gun? Just a gun? lol

When I lived downtown, I used to carry a gun, had a switchblade hidden in the lining of my jacket, a tazer in another pocket and mace on my keychain.

I don't know whether that should make anybody laugh or cry, lol.

People should be afraid of YOU..you got more weapons than North Korea.

Well, I used to be such a nice and trusting person... LOL It's okay though the UN worked out a treaty with me a decade ago and I'm now largely disarmed. Except for the judo and karate because those kind of arms are still necessary.