Respect Your Elders?

Maybe this is a rant. I'm not sure. I've reached a point where I'm not sure what I should be teaching my 8 year old about listening to adults anymore.

All my other kids are grown and moved out, but my youngest who is adopted is still at home. I taught the older ones to listen to adults and treat them with respect, but I'm not so sure anymore. My youngest has some cognitive problems because of prenatal alcohol exposure as well as severe ADHD. Her cognitive delays effect her behaviour and memory, but not her level of intelligence. She is incredibly bright.

The problem? The neighbours are scaring the crap out of her via their children. The town is small and mostly fundamentalist. I was raised Catholic. Apparently we're hell bound because I won't go to church here. If only it stopped there. We bought her a bike with a monster jam character on it. It was purple. It was on sale. What more could you want in a bike? Unfortunately it is a symptom of demonic influence!!!! Yep my daughters bike proves she does not believe in God and likes demons. She did not ride her bike for a week until we had a discussion about adults sometimes being wrong. We had this discussion because the friends tell her this is what their parents tell them. Next we had to discuss that no, Halloween is not actually the devils birthday.

So we got through these things, and today we reached what to me is the ultimate of crazy for us. Minecraft. My daughter loves Minecraft. She loves to create. She's a little obsessed but kids with ADHD have that hyper focus issue.

A little boy came to the door and wanted her to play. She didn't want to as she was having fun playing toys downstairs. He went off on a spiel about how she shouldn't be playing Minecraft because it was created to brainwash children into following demons. I cut him off and said that's ridiculous. "That's what my mother says. She researched it"

I told him she can't play right now. I didn't know what else to say. Not my child.

If this was one incident with one child the solution is obvious. It's neighbourhood wide. At least 50% seem to be spouting this nonsense. I know it's time to move. It's going to take a little while to do that with getting the house ready to sell. In the meantime I don't know what to tell my daughter about the strange and spooky stuff she keeps hearing. Respect adults seems to just be flying out the window while they are saying such stupid things to small children. I tell her they're wrong. She is out there starting fights in the streets. She does have cognitive issues and repeats everything I say. Psst don't tell so and so, but her mother is an idiot won't work. Different people believe different things won't work because with her FASD she is a concrete thinker. She needs to be taught this is right, this is wrong. I'm being forced to teach her that these adults are not worth listening to and that feels wrong to me too. I want her to respect adults, but these are not ideas that are worth respecting.

I'm disgusted we are even going through this. It's like I'm sending her into a virtual horror movie with constant worry about evil and demons. We don't discuss these ideas with small children in my house. The scariest thing we discuss is broccoli. There are Creepers and Zombies in Minecraft, but she's not scared of them. It's a game. She plays in creative mode. Not because she's scared but because they're frustrating and destroy her stuff she's made.

I know this sounds rambling, but I'm confused. I don't know what to say to her that won't cause more problems in the neighbourhood for her and I don't understand these people. They're more focused on darkness than any group of people I've ever met while thinking they're bringing light. They're going to give her nightmares. I don't understand how their own kids don't have nightmares.

I don't want this to be a religious arguement. I just want to know how other people deal with beliefs of other parents or whoever that you completely disagree with. I want her to respect people. I want her to have friends. I just don't want her driven insane by complete bunk.

Where the hell do you live? Salem?

Tell them neighbors of yours to mind their own damn business and to read their bibles, not throw them.

As for your kid.
I have always told my daughter to trust her gut. If she ever feels something is wrong with a situation, just get away till you feel safe. You can always apologize if you were wrong and nobody would ever blame a little kid for being scared. Better safe than sorry.

P.s.
Minecraft was created by the devil.... But doesn't promote him...lol

I am not a parent, so I do not have experience raising children. However, my advice is to not let your little girl play with these kids until she is old enough to not be severely influenced by the religiosity instilled in them by their parents. I do not mind religion, and most people who are Christian have some common sense and tact, and do not try to force their beliefs on anyone else, and who do not go around telling everyone else what they should or should not do. I would stay away from the adults whenever possible as well. Do not teach her to listen to all adults, rather teach her to be respectful to them. I think there is a big difference in the two. I was never taught to listen to everything an adult says, but I was taught to respect adults, and doing this will eliminate some of the problems. Of course she has to listen to teachers, etc, and you should make as much clear to her imo.

If the super-religious parents have anything to say about your daughter not playing with their kids, tell them flat out that you do not want your daughter being exposed to their religiously-inclined behavior. I mean most people have enough common sense not to preach to someone else's child, first of all, so these people apparently are just dumb, to put it bluntly. They think they are doing the "right" or "moral" thing apparently, when they should realize that they are doing a horrible thing in attempting to teach someone else's kid something that is controversial. So just tell them that as long as they try to instil their own beliefs in your daughter, that she will not be speaking to them. I hate seeing religious zealots, or basically what amount to religious nuts. Again, religion is fine, but keep it to yourself.

I think that you should explain to your daughter that showing respect to adults is the right thing to do. A problem might arise if you tell your daughter simply not to listen to any other adults, because in school or something she might think that she doesn't have to obey the teachers, etc...So you need a way to get her to understand that adults can be wrong, but that she should listen to those adults in authority positions, like at school, or any other place she will be frequenting until she is old enough to make independent decisions a little better. I bet you that if the kids of these super-religious parents were taught something about religion that they didn't agree with, that they would be in your face in a minute...And if you tell them why you don't want your daughter to be taught such things by anyone other than you, and they get an attitude, just ask them what they would do if you were teaching their child something they did not believe in or agree with.

My daughter is almost 17 and I have always told her that she can't trust or believe everything anyone says... Not even an adult. There's nothing wrong with teaching her that at all IMO. It's the truth.

People are way too much into other people's business in your neighborhood it seems and stuff like that may be why she prefers Minecraft. Hell.... I'm religious and I would prefer it to hanging out with people like that.

Try to take it easy on the kids. They only know what they heard or been taught (you did great sending the boy away without voicing an opinion of his parents, kudos to you for that), the adults? They are too far gone already.

Teach her that some adults are mean, vile, liars, etc. It's the truth.

It will serve her well to know this truth.

a reply to: meomy

oh lordy....fundamentalists. i grew up in a small town near the buckle of the bible belt.

your best bet is to just ignore them entirely. tell your kids to listen to only you. It works for me.

a reply to: meomy

I was adopted at 5 and I sure had a bit of problems without the FASD. A good book I read was Damaged Angels ..about an adoptive mother who didn't even know she had adopted a child with FASD. There are some support groups out there who could perhaps help you. damagedangels.com...

A person is a person is a person. Subscribing to a certain religious belief doesn't give someone ultimate status or moral superiority . Your daughter isn't going to think in abstracts like " that person is christian, they are better !" unless you teach such simplicities.

She sees things on a character nature.

Sorry, but it almost seems like you're saying that the same "Christians" who were okay with your other kids, suddenly wanna be all biblical on your adoptee???

I treat everyone with respect until they give me a reason not to.
I don't care how old they are.
I had people shoving religious nonsense at me from the time I was a young child.
They seemed screwed up to me even when I was young. I tried to avoid them.
There was one pastor that I just flat did not like. I kicked him in the shin once because he put his hand on my shoulder after I had told him not to touch me. I got into all kinds of trouble over that. Turns out he was a pedophile.

Respect those who deserve respect. kids should be taught to Act as though they respect elders though'

I know more older people who are messed up in their perception than I do young kids, if the kids are messed up....they learned from someone.

Try cooked spinach with the kid. add some butter and salt. It contains a betaine which is a methyl donor and can help with ADD and ADHD disorders. Coffee also supplies methyl. So does Ridlin. Certain veggies and fish contain Betaines. TMG is another betaine found in beets.

originally posted by: meomy
Maybe this is a rant. I'm not sure. I've reached a point where I'm not sure what I should be teaching my 8 year old about listening to adults anymore.

All my other kids are grown and moved out, but my youngest who is adopted is still at home. I taught the older ones to listen to adults and treat them with respect, but I'm not so sure anymore. My youngest has some cognitive problems because of prenatal alcohol exposure as well as severe ADHD. Her cognitive delays effect her behaviour and memory, but not her level of intelligence. She is incredibly bright.

The problem? The neighbours are scaring the crap out of her via their children. The town is small and mostly fundamentalist. I was raised Catholic. Apparently we're hell bound because I won't go to church here. If only it stopped there. We bought her a bike with a monster jam character on it. It was purple. It was on sale. What more could you want in a bike? Unfortunately it is a symptom of demonic influence!!!! Yep my daughters bike proves she does not believe in God and likes demons. She did not ride her bike for a week until we had a discussion about adults sometimes being wrong. We had this discussion because the friends tell her this is what their parents tell them. Next we had to discuss that no, Halloween is not actually the devils birthday.

So we got through these things, and today we reached what to me is the ultimate of crazy for us. Minecraft. My daughter loves Minecraft. She loves to create. She's a little obsessed but kids with ADHD have that hyper focus issue.

A little boy came to the door and wanted her to play. She didn't want to as she was having fun playing toys downstairs. He went off on a spiel about how she shouldn't be playing Minecraft because it was created to brainwash children into following demons. I cut him off and said that's ridiculous. "That's what my mother says. She researched it"

I told him she can't play right now. I didn't know what else to say. Not my child.

If this was one incident with one child the solution is obvious. It's neighbourhood wide. At least 50% seem to be spouting this nonsense. I know it's time to move. It's going to take a little while to do that with getting the house ready to sell. In the meantime I don't know what to tell my daughter about the strange and spooky stuff she keeps hearing. Respect adults seems to just be flying out the window while they are saying such stupid things to small children. I tell her they're wrong. She is out there starting fights in the streets. She does have cognitive issues and repeats everything I say. Psst don't tell so and so, but her mother is an idiot won't work. Different people believe different things won't work because with her FASD she is a concrete thinker. She needs to be taught this is right, this is wrong. I'm being forced to teach her that these adults are not worth listening to and that feels wrong to me too. I want her to respect adults, but these are not ideas that are worth respecting.

I'm disgusted we are even going through this. It's like I'm sending her into a virtual horror movie with constant worry about evil and demons. We don't discuss these ideas with small children in my house. The scariest thing we discuss is broccoli. There are Creepers and Zombies in Minecraft, but she's not scared of them. It's a game. She plays in creative mode. Not because she's scared but because they're frustrating and destroy her stuff she's made.

I know this sounds rambling, but I'm confused. I don't know what to say to her that won't cause more problems in the neighbourhood for her and I don't understand these people. They're more focused on darkness than any group of people I've ever met while thinking they're bringing light. They're going to give her nightmares. I don't understand how their own kids don't have nightmares.

I don't want this to be a religious arguement. I just want to know how other people deal with beliefs of other parents or whoever that you completely disagree with. I want her to respect people. I want her to have friends. I just don't want her driven insane by complete bunk.

Find an appropriate peer group for your daughter to socialize with. Perhaps you could arrange for group outings and gatherings at your home until friendships have developed. In the meantime, start planning to move.

a reply to: meomy

Astonishing . I really didn't think that places like this really existed.Do the people there throw people in the river to see if they float or burn them at the stake . As for respecting her elders , respect has to be earnt , .Perhaps better to just bring her up to be polite . A purple bike and monster jam , really . I admire you ability to keep a level head .Good luck

Its not disrespectful to disagree with an elder (adult) its how you go about it.
Just discussing with your daughter how some of the folks in town have a different view on life than your family and teaching her what to expect and to understand why they say these things and how to respond is really all there is you can do.
Reason and logic in a way a young girl can understand, coming from you, would be one way of helping her as well as reinforcing your position as a trustworthy adult. The difference between "being respectful" and "respecting", as in respecting some ones position as an adult and behaving accordingly, but not necessarily respecting that adults opinion.

I wish you all the best, its not an easy task being a good parent.

PS, I wouldn't hesitate to move to another town either, but, there might be a good oppertunity before you leave to teach your daughter some valuable life lessons from these experiences you are having.

Rgds, Lindsay.

a reply to: meomy

Are you willing to move to make a better life for your daughter? The sad fact is that if you continue to live where you are currently living, your child will be subjected to this sort of thing on a daily basis.

Thank you all for the response. Yes the plan is definitely to move. Unfortunately yes towns like this exist lol. I'm sure it's not everyone in town, just enough people to make it miserable for anyone who disagrees with their belief system. In my years here I've seen many people come and go quickly once they get a taste of the "culture".

I wish sometimes I had been one to leave quickly too, but small towns do have their good points like safety and less expensive housing.

My older kids went through some of the same here, but I actually think the mindset is growing. It seems that fundamentalism is a growing trend. It was easier to explain away a few loons to the older kids than it is dozens to the youngest.

a reply to: meomy

I don't want this to be a religious arguement.

But it is one. They have made it so. Of course, your chances of swaying such lunatics into seeing reason, is doubtful, to say the least. Having beliefs is one thing. Assuming EVERYTHING is "of the devil" is just lunacy...