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Eye contact.

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posted on Oct, 26 2014 @ 04:26 PM
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Some people say that no eye contact means some thing about the person not making eye contact. And the are many reasons listed. Some notice i don't with some people. But my reasons are different. I don't like watching a bobble head talking or someone that flails their hands around excessively while talking. Or chewing gum or eating while talking. Am i the only one? What might that mean?




posted on Oct, 26 2014 @ 04:31 PM
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a reply to: roth1

As long as you can look into your own eyes when you stare into a mirror, you are fine. I just mirror people, making as much eye contact as they do. The only time this gets kind of weird is when I get someone else who is a mirrorer, because then we just end up staring directly into each other's eyes the entire time, which is a bit disconcerting. It is cool to get to observe in detail the texture of someone else's iris. Most people won't let you examine them like that.

Personally, eye contact and interpersonal small talk is kind of hard for me, being an introvert. You'll find those comfortable with hermitage are the ones least likely to be comfortable with eye contact. I'd honestly be more comfortable sitting beside a hermit enjoying a cozy shared silence than tolerating a noisy person who was overly needy any day. ;p



posted on Oct, 26 2014 @ 04:35 PM
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I can relate, I am kinda introverted too, except for the mirror thing. a reply to: Nechash




posted on Oct, 26 2014 @ 04:39 PM
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a reply to: roth1

I prefer to make unreasonably invasive eye contact to the point where people Ecole uncomfortabl. I find it entertain ng. And I tthink can really throw of someone who is unused to speaking g in public.

But that's just me.



posted on Oct, 26 2014 @ 04:42 PM
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a reply to: roth1

You should try mirroring people. It is a good exercise in self-discipline and using your personal authority to challenge your instinctual belief structure, plus people tend to feel more comfortable around you and to relate more to what you are saying when you mirror them. Just remember, we aren't apes any longer. Looking someone in the eyes isn't going to initialize a violent conflict.



Don't buy anything from her. If you need NLP stuff, let me know. I have almost everything downloaded already.


edit on 10 26 2014 by Nechash because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 26 2014 @ 04:56 PM
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a reply to: watchitburn




posted on Oct, 26 2014 @ 05:34 PM
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a reply to: roth1

Years ago I was at a NIN/Bowie concert and I wanted to see if Bowie's eyes were in fact different. We had floor tickets and I was at the edge of the stage looking up at his face staring into his eyes. After about 10 seconds we locked eye contact and he slipped up the song cursing me under his breath.

Eye contact is very important, as a person who hires employees I make it a habit of looking for this quality in applicants. Poor eye contact can be taken as a sign of inattentiveness and uninterest, just as a rule not a law though.




posted on Oct, 26 2014 @ 05:53 PM
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originally posted by: Nechash
a reply to: roth1

Looking someone in the eyes isn't going to initialize a violent conflict.



You ain't been where I've been.



posted on Oct, 26 2014 @ 06:44 PM
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a reply to: roth1

An important part of good communication, is examining the facial features of a person to discern their expression, which can be contextually important where nuanced communication is required. Personally, since I am consciously aware of the importance of body language in these terms, I always make some eye contact during conversation, and sometimes just walking down the street.

It is important to use the full breadth of the tools we are given to make ourselves understood, and in order to ensure that we understand others, or at least, that is how I think about these things.



posted on Oct, 26 2014 @ 09:01 PM
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a reply to: Nechash

I think mirroring might actually be too complicated and may come off odd unless somebody is really good at it. I'm an autistic and god knows we're really bad at the whole eye contact thing. "How dare you look into my eyes, you monster, because I'm quite certain you're stealing my soul!" is my pretty instantaneous response to someone looking too long into my eyes. That said, I've done some reading on why people like eye contact and found a method that both keeps me from feeling totally violated and also cloaks my autism. I had a mother of an autistic boy talking to me about the problems with her son and she had NO clue that I was autistic. I fessed up in the end and she was shocked. Why? Because I made eye contact.

It's pretty simple. Eye contact the whole time is going to come off weird. People do actually look away periodically if they are thinking or recalling something, even in mid-sentence. Eye contact, however, is important when the person speaking is making an important point or really revealing something to the other. That's when it's mandatory as a signal of "this is important" if I'm the one speaking or to let the speaker know that I AM listening. If I'm the listener, I'll make that eye contact and even throw down a nod or an affirmative noise. The rest of the time, I can look away and occasionally look them in the eye to make that affirmative listening nod or some other comment that signals the same. And if I'm speaking? Woohoo, I can look left, right, down..whatever, as long as I pop that eye contact when it counts.

Nobody has ever guessed that I am autistic because I learned to do this. I score 42 on the autism quotient, have been diagnosed as high functional with severe tendencies. It's kind of like being a Clark Kent really. They have no idea til super autism powers activate!



posted on Oct, 26 2014 @ 09:37 PM
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I must have a lot of ape genes because i hate eye contact with a vengeance , i hate someone looking into my eyes except my g/f but that is it . maybe one second in 10 in will make contact that is it for me



posted on Oct, 26 2014 @ 11:47 PM
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Wow, that is crazy thinking eye contact means not listening. People do not hear and process info with their eyes or their hands. Although it is common for people to think that. You can tell if some one is listening by how they answer back with words to the conversation. Words and their answers back to you tell you weather they are listening and processing what you are saying. Not body language. Many people look at me while i am talking and i may be looking at them. Many of those times they are not processing the info in the conversation. Just regurgitate what was said before. I have many dead end conversations with people that don't listen. The words they say back to you determine to me if they are listening. LOL . Also an employee that has to make eye contact to communicate probably stops working and gets noting done. Do you have to look at your radio to listen to it? The other day i was at my brothers and he had an electrician there working. He stuck up a conversation while working while i was watching him. He would turn and look at me while talking. He got nothing accomplished that way. I had to walk away so he could get work done. Seems a bit counter productive to look at someone when talking. a reply to: TrueBrit


edit on 26-10-2014 by roth1 because: Added last comment.

edit on 27-10-2014 by roth1 because: added



posted on Oct, 27 2014 @ 02:32 AM
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a reply to: roth1

Wow...

I suppose the conversations you have, do not contain any subtext. I hate to say this, and I mean no offence but it seems to me that if you are honestly saying you NEVER look at the person you are conversing with, that you must only have the most one dimensional conversations possible.

I mean, leave aside that it is rude to converse with someone with out facing them when you do so, but you are missing out on all the subtle cues that, for example, your words might have an affect on the people you love, that you are completely ignorant of, because some human reactions only show themselves in small shifts of expression. Of course, if you never look at the person to whom you are speaking, then you would not notice a full on scowl, let alone a raised eyebrow, a confused squint...

Every person who has researched the subject of communication has found that the majority of communication is non verbal, and relates to body language as being absolutely critical to effective communication. The only reason to ignore these things, is if you happen to have a damned good reason, like for instance, having some kind of autism or other, requiring a minimal level of sensory input to prevent some kind of internal meltdown.


edit on 27-10-2014 by TrueBrit because: Grammatical error removal



posted on Oct, 27 2014 @ 04:23 AM
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When I talk about something i care about the answer I do not care to see a wobble head. Or to see a crude attempt at liftoff to fly as they flail their arms around. If it were just facial expressions and eyes you may have a point. Are you telling me you could not understand what some one was saying if you were not looking at them? Or misunderstand the radio? I am just saying i am discriminated against because I do not care to watch people talk. If i listen to them talk and respond with a reasonable response to a question or statement, I deserve the same. be some thing. I see people look at me, take their hands off the wheel, when they drive and talk. Almost get in an accident not paying attention to the road. People stop working when some one asks them a question. Just answer and keep working. No need to look away from your work. And start with hand signals i cannot understand. How is this a good thing? I is counter productive and that cannot be denied. I see it as a flaw on others. These hand signals are random at best anyway. Has anyone described an object to you before. I bet you could not picture what they were trying to describe without the words. But i bet you could close your eyes and listen and understand. If they knew how to define it. Like i said i can listen to a radio fine an get something and i miss nothing. I do not care how excited, happy or angry ect..They are about it. I just care about the facts. .a reply to: TrueBrit



posted on Oct, 27 2014 @ 04:31 AM
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a reply to: roth1

lol, now I'm wondering if you should get evaluated for autism. It's all about paying attention. If you're turned away, not looking at someone who is speaking, they're going to feel like you're not giving them that full attention. Most people, as TrueBrit observed, use both verbal and non-verbal cues to communicate. Some, like me, have a heck of a time reading what somebody is feeling by looking at their facial expressions--especially the eyes--so those non-verbal cues are kind of meaningless. While yes, it seems like it would be inefficient in many cases to stop and make that eye contact, most people in this world appreciate it. Growing up autistic, my lack of eye contact would get people mad at me for "not listening" or "not paying attention" and well, I'd get in trouble with the guys because I'd do the ack, eye contact thing and look down. That sends the WRONG message, lol. Hell of a time in bars really.

Anyways, I learned to modify myself and adapt. Makes life easier and the people around me more comfortable. No big deal. Just because you or I may not get the point of it, it does have value to many, many people. If a high functional autistic can do it, so can you and trust me, if you want to see me go into a total panic, force eye contact with me lol. It's not pretty.

PS. Just read your second post, and yeah, reading that second post, it really makes me wonder if you are on the autism spectrum, too. We tend to be logic/efficiency beasts when we're high functioning.


edit on 27/10/14 by WhiteAlice because: added ps



posted on Oct, 27 2014 @ 04:48 AM
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Eye contact is very important, in fact observation of such and body language is imperative in interactive and successful communication person to person, face to face.

Such skills are measured in all situations, formally and informally, it is how we analyse a person.

As an artist, I am very observant of people and of environment, surroundings, audio visual impressions etc and I have to curb this slightly sometimes so as not to unsettle people.

Something of an observation on interactions on how aware and observant others are to each other, it appears people are less aware than they used to be, perhaps due to social media. The whole 'selfie' thing has also brought more personal awareness as a 'princess' factor, in that some people have developed more self appreciative awareness and almost expect to be looked at rather than interacting in normal communication, this is especially evident in teenagers, not surprisingly, more prevalent in females.

Hopefully, as such generations age, they will realise that actual person to person communication is important as it is an imperative skill that they need to know for when they have children, babies pick up on visual communication cues from birth and continually.

Whole group teaching styles and media based classrooms might also have impacted on generations of impressionable children which they have taken into adulthood.
edit on 27-10-2014 by theabsolutetruth because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 27 2014 @ 04:50 AM
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You may be correct about the autism. I was evaluated and they said i did not have it. They may be wrong. But as logic persists. Looking at some one when performing an activity. Stops all activity. Moving hands to talk with while performing an activity stops that activity. And i see it as a fault. Maybe i just think rational and logical and not emotional. That should be seen as a benefit not a fault. .a reply to: WhiteAlice



posted on Oct, 27 2014 @ 05:09 AM
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originally posted by: roth1
You may be correct about the autism. I was evaluated and they said i did not have it. They may be wrong. But as logic persists. Looking at some one when performing an activity. Stops all activity. Moving hands to talk with while performing an activity stops that activity. And i see it as a fault. Maybe i just think rational and logical and not emotional. That should be seen as a benefit not a fault. .a reply to: WhiteAlice


Well, like many female autistics, I am a social mimic and that's one of the things that make it so that a high functional female can go undiagnosed or get diagnosed as adults. I was 24 when I was diagnosed and it took being put under a magnifying glass to spot it. Since they looked outright for it in you, I'm guessing that you probably aren't. Maybe you're just INTJ. I'm INTJ as well and I'd say the biggest thing that separates a logic/rational driven autistic and an INTJ is sensitivities. Too much stimulation drives me batty and I'll rock to self soothe. Total autistic tendency there. INTJs don't do that.

Although TrueBrit gave me a free pass to my full eye averting self, I see eschewing all of that as being more of a time sink than doing the little things that make people happy. If you think about it, getting in an argument about whether you're listening or not is a time sink and sometimes with dreadful consequences.



posted on Oct, 27 2014 @ 05:35 AM
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INTJ never heard of that before. Thanks. Interesting read. It does seem to describe me well. As far as social and career path too from the site i checked. Was always autism or aspergers people said and no diagnosis. Thanks again. a reply to: WhiteAlice




posted on Oct, 27 2014 @ 05:38 AM
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a reply to: roth1

There's Myers-Briggs typology tests here and there on the net if you're really curious. One of my best friends is an INTJ and most of his friends are autistic. They always think he's autistic, too, but then we find out he's just a poser, hee hee. INTJs and autistics can be pretty similar.




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