My twin...ugh

I have an identical twin and long story short we don't always get along.

For one she is bi polar and in denial so she isn't very nice. She is selfish and all about money and material things, where I couldn't careless. She puts stuff in my house down and my car, which I OWN two, because they're not brand new like hers which comes with a car payment that could be rent for a all efficiency apartment.

I usually ignore her but now with my son I don't want to deal with her. If you disagree with her look out she will unleash on you and my whole family comments on it.

My entire life I've tried to prove I'm not like here because our first 18yrs everyone compared plus left and right, we had the same classes and extracurricular activities. It was like I had no real identity. I was just one of the twins. It was and still is annoying. So now that she is the way she is and I admit to my bi polar and take meds, which help, she is just not fun to talk to.

I recently got my nephew something small and all she does is bug me about sending it. It is so annoying beause she got my son something and I've not once asked when she will send it. I find that rude yet she's complaining to my mom about me not sending my nephew his toy! For her it's about things, materialistic things. We have stopped taking so many times over this. I get sick of it because I could careless about presents and what you can buy someone, it's HOW you act!

Ahhh I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm just over it. When she calls she doesn't let me say anything and then when I do she has to go. She does this to everyone in the family and everyone comments on it. One of these days I'm just gonna snap. I don't want that negativity around my son.

Anyway just had to talk somewhere.

I keep forgetting that you are a twin. LOL
This must drain the hell out of you. I can see where you wouldn't want to be around her.

a reply to: mblahnikluver

My girlfriend's and my entire families are almost pure materialists. As a result, we live a largely lonely life connected to only the few friends and family members that do not engage in that madness. It isn't that I don't love my family, but I am not yet strong enough to face their constant judgments gracefully enough to be loving to them when I'm in their company. They judge me, I judge them and it isn't good for anyone.

I'm sorry your going through this. Sometimes it's hard, but necessary to cut off most contact with some family members, just holidays and things.

I like you sharing this though, because I have the twin grandsons, and I don't want to fall in to that trap of not remembering they are individuals.

a reply to: mblahnikluver

You should bonk her on the head.

Oh, wait, won't you feel that too?

a reply to: mblahnikluver

I also had a sibling...He or she died when my mother miscarriaged-I was there when it happened and I wish I had a chance to bitch about him/her.

As toxic as your sister sounds, she is still your sister and she obviously suffers from mental illness. But what can you do? Either understand her illness and put up with her, or abandon her and live your life. The choice is yours.

Definitely not identical. You two seem way different personality wise.

a reply to: mblahnikluver

Well, sometimes it helps just to vent your frustrations so, hopefully you feel a little better getting it off your chest.

While I don't have a twin, I have a sister who is a year and 1/2 older than me and while growing up, everyone thought we were twins because there wasn't a big difference in our size.

We tend to get along okay now (mainly b/c I moved 9 hours away from her) but, there was a time where I just had to cut her out of my life completely for many years.

She was a compulsive liar and she slept with my high school sweetheart (whom I lost my v card to) so, I think I was justified in giving her the freeze.

My best advice, do what your heart tells you is best for you and your son.

a reply to: mblahnikluver

Being biologically related to someone, according to the accepted current social conventions and mores, means that you have a certain bond with them, an unbreakable connection of blood and familiarity.

However, it has been my experience that no matter what chains of blood link two people together, or even a number of people together, the problems come about when one is shown that one of their family members is about as loveable as a nicked artery.

At this point, one is faced, not only with a certain amount of subconscious guilt about ones dislike for ones family member, but also with the possibility that ones acquaintances will look poorly upon that dislike, on the grounds that family is considered sacred, because of the prevailing, and erroneous social conventions on the way family ought to be. The social stigmas against which you would be battling as a TWIN who dislikes their sibling, is vast.

But...

Frankly, blood is not enough of a reason to let a person screw with your life, your peace, your heart, and ultimately, your well being. If the woman to whom you refer is as air headed and toxic as you describe, then despite the fact that it will be difficult for some to accept, you are under zero obligation to follow through with a continuing relationship with this person. Clearly their behaviour is harmful to you, as is keeping up the pretence of unity, despite the totally unacceptable behaviour you are encountering.

If you ask me, you are better off without her noxious input, and you should feel no shame in excising her from your life. If she is going to behave in a cancerous fashion, then treat her like a tumour.

originally posted by: TrueBrit


because of the prevailing, and erroneous social conventions on the way family ought to be.

That makes me remember an old saying


God gives us relatives ....

Thank God we can choose our own friends

For many years I tolerated intolerable family members because of guilt that I should be more wonderful and understanding as they are family. It made me miserable.

When I reached my mid 30s I came to the shocking conclusion I would be happier without them in my life so I quit talking to them. It's like a huge weight was lifted once I had no contact. I no longer talk to my mother, father, or one half sister. They are mentally ill and abusive. I have one sister I am close to. She was still in contact with them and they were making her miserable and stressed too. She has cut contact with them too now and is also much happier.

Blood is not thicker than water, despite it being a quaint saying. You don't get to pick out your family before birth, but you can choose to walk away and have a healthier life. Do I feel guilty about not having them in my life? Nope. Do I miss the negativity? Nope.

a reply to: eletheia

Precisely!

We have many things in this world, that we cannot change. The things that we can do to free ourselves from chains that others place about our necks in malice, we should do.

When you figure out how to deal with materialistic negative people, let me know? My mom is one of those people, and she drives me insane. It's all about STUFF, and the STUFF is important, because her STUFF means she's better than everyone else, so her STUFF has to be the best STUFF she can get. Ugh. And the negative gossiping, omfg. I usually try to head her off with point blank telling her I don't care, or changing the topic on a dime.

I can't imagine how stressful it has to be to try to keep your identity separate in a social setting from someone who looks exactly like you, but is a polar opposite. I really feel for you there.