There have been an inordinate number of "no knock" SWAT raids in the last several years. I recently got to see one, up close and personal, as the
presumed guest of honor.
Here's the story.
A few days ago, I was outside on my front porch, minding my own business and smoking my pipe. It was just getting dusk, on a rainy evening. I noticed
a light beam flashing through the treetops, and being the curious sort I am, I determined to find the source, having decided that it wasn't lightning.
I heard voices to the south side of the house, and so I went through the house (can't get to the ground from the porch, or vice-versa - that's
important, later) to the deck on the south side, and intercepted my cousin coming up the walkway, flashlight in hand.
Now, understand, my cousin isn't really a nice guy. He's been involved in the occasional throat-cutting, beatings here and there, and so on. When we
were kids, he WAS a nice guy, but I believe some mind-altering substance of some kind or other has permanently altered his mind.
To be perfectly fair, I'm not a nice guy, either - but I never have been. No alterations necessary.
So I intercept my cousin coming up the walkway with a more or less unfriendly look in his eye and a flashlight in his hand. We'll call him "George".
"George", I says, "what's up?"
George replies "where'd they go?"
"The soldiers. I seen soldiers in the woods, and I'm out hunting them."
Ah. George, it appears, is off his meds. or maybe on them - who knows? Someone else in his party helpfully volunteers the information that George is
convinced that he saw men in camouflage in the woods. So I reply "George, I'm the only one in camo around here, and I ain't been in the woods all day
today. Ain't nobody here, George. They're 'gone' ". George looks a bit perplexed, but he and his party take back along the woodline towards home,
George still suspiciously shining a light in the woods, and I figure it's defused. Therefore, I go back inside the house.
Fast forward by about two hours.
I'm sitting in the house at my desk, still minding my own business on the computer, when I notice a beam of light sweep across the top of the curtains
out of the corner of my eye - I've got pretty good peripheral vision... it's been trained into me over time. Now, that's the sort of thing that put me
on to George being out thrashing around earlier, so I figure George is up to no good again, so I go to check it out. I don't much care for strangeness
going on in my immediate vicinity.
I get up, and go to the bedroom, cutting the lights inside the house off as I go - the living room light is already off. I got into the bedroom and
checked the load on my rifle to make sure it's ready, and cut the lights off in there, too. I don't care to be silhouetted in windows, and prefer the
light to be on the OUTSIDE, ruining someone else's
night vision. After the lights are out, I peep out the window, and lo and behold, I see a
sihouette dodging around the corner of the downstairs (enclosed) porch and taking up a position at the corner, peeping along the front of the house.
What he's watching for, I dunno, but that right there tells me there are more than one, and at least one of them is planning to ambush me. He's there
to back someone else up.
Where I come from, and where I've been, sneaking and peeking in the middle of the night are never GOOD things, especially when it's someone else doing
it, on YOUR place. I started throught the house with the rifle to a place where I
would heve the upper hand in any bushwhacking going on, and
my wife asks "where are you going?" So I told her plainly that I was going to shoot someone, thinking I was going to have to shoot George, and maybe
anyone else with him.
Well, looking back on it, that probably wasn't the right thing to do - it gets the adrenaline pumping - I mean hers. Mine was already going.
My teenaged niece was downstairs, and said she heard someone snatching at the storm door, trying to get onto the porch. Wouldn't have done them any
good - they would then face a bullet-proof grouted cinderblock and reinforced concrete wall, and a solid-core steel door in a steel frame to have to
get through after that. But I digress.
So I go through the house in the dark, and open the front door to the (upper) porch, and my gawd! there's just about an acre of camouflaged men in my
front yard! Maybe George was right all along! One of 'em glances up and yells out "SHOOTER!" and I reckon about 8 or 12 muzzles start rising towrads
me that I can see - no idea how many I can't
see. I didn't stop to count them, hence the estimate. I had better things to do at the time. I
duck back into the dark where they can't see me to hit me, and all hell is breaking loose in my front yard, men raising weapons and diving for cover.
I hear one of them yell "HE'S GOT A GUN! I SAW A GUN IN HIS HAND!" and I yelled right back out the door "YER GODDAMN RIGHT I GOT A GUN! WHAT THE HELL
IS AN ACRE OF ARMED MEN DOING IN MY YARD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?"
One of them yells "SHERIFFS DEPARTMENT - SHOW ME YOUR HANDS!"
I yelled "YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO SEE THEM BEFORE I SEE A BADGE!" because my hands were full at the moment, you see. So I'm standing back in the
shadows and watching, and a hand pops up over our car in the drive, holding a badge.
Well, then I laid down my rifle in the living room and announced "I'M COMING OUT. HANDS FIRST SO YOU CAN SEE 'EM. CALM THE HELL DOWN AND HOLD YER MUD
- IF ANYONE GETS EXCITED HERE, WE DON'T WANT IT TO BE YOU WITH ALL THEM GUNS". Then I went out on the porch hands-first as promised so they could see
they were empty, and stayed where I could dive back in if I had to - and if I was still able to dive at that point. They asked me if I were George,
and it was my turn to be confused. I told 'em no, and told them who I was, whereupon they wanted to know what I was doing there.
This is the point where my wife came charging out yelling "WE LIVE HERE!" I reckon all the guns pointed at me sort of made her nervous. She said later
that she was just trying to keep me from being shot. I told her to get back inside (because in case she hadn't noticed, there was just a whole gaggle
of men with guns out there), but it really did no good to do so. She stayed right there, I reckon to give 'em more than one target to have to decide
Anyhow, now it was the police's turn to be confused - why was I living at George's house? Didn't make no sense to them... so they asked me if I'd seen
George that evening, and I told them I had...over there
, pointing to the south, towards George's house. Evidently, they had a warrant for
But were trying to serve it on the wrong house.
By the time I pointed "over there", George was out on the end of his porch, hands way up over his head. I guess the commotion got his attention, and
seeing all the cops and all their pretty guns, he pretty well knew what time it was.
So all the cops changed houses, ambled over there, cuffed George up and took him away. They'd gotten a report that he was armed and acting out of
sorts (it appears that my peace wasn't the only peace he had disturbed, because I sure as hell didn't call 'em in), and they knew George, had dealt
with him before, so they sent in SWAT.
- TO BE CONTINUED -
edit on 2014/10/22 by nenothtu because: (no reason given)