So out to dinner the other night with some friends and acquaintances. Usual chit-chat, jokes, state of the nation stuff etc.
The conversation took a turn when one of the women present, a recent single mother turned the conversation to her ex and the current state of affairs
between him, her and their four year old child.
At the moment he is only working part time, and up until recently was only having his son a day at a time. Whatever his reasons were for this were his
own, not my place to judge.
Now she's always been pretty demeaning of him since the split, he has no interest in his son, he doesn't care, he's moved on, the usual stuff. The
problem with this kind of thing is if you only ever hear one side of the side of the story, it could well just be a case of sour grapes or even
So she's going on about how he now wants his son one night a week. My reasoning for this, although I don't say it out loud is to perhaps ease his
son into dad and mum's new single life, or perhaps she is right, he isn't that interested. Who knows. Having been there myself, that initial
transition is a difficult one for kids to process and adapt to, although they do it surprisingly well.
So then she blurts out about money. It seems he was paying around $40 a month in child support, which she gleefully took off him, citing the bastard
should pay his way, he should be held accountable, blah blah blah. So now because he has rung child support, and they have lessened his payments to
her as a result, she's up in arms about having less play money each week because her kid's dad is doing what she was bitching about him not doing
in the first place.
Now I have to say at this point this girl is no angel herself. She frequents parties and bars, is in and out of various guys since and purportedly
before the breakup, smokes and drinks like a train and a fish respectively. So not going to win mother of the year anytime soon. But the way she acts?
The way she runs her ex down like he is some scumbag deadbeat? I've seen guys walk away from a woman the moment they mention pregnancy, guys who
disappear and never have anything to do with their kids. One night a week? A few days here and there? Hell, at least he's making an effort...
But why is it that these women always boil it down to money? They seem to enjoy screwing every cent they can out of men, regardless of how much or how
little they have to do with their kids after the fact. It's like it's not enough people have to deal with the pain, the nastiness and all the other
BS that goes along with a breakup, men have to deal with this conniving, retaliatory, not to mention unnecessary fear of a woman still trying to
control their lives or seeking revenge, by justifying hurting them financially through their kids?
Not to mention the impact on the kids it has. Kids see a lot more than people realise, and if you are trivialising their father as nothing more than
an additional income source, then what does it say about you as a person? How will your son view this when he begins to understand what it is your are
projecting about his dad?
I know for a fact the child support system in many countries is totally broken, and is extremely biased against men. The Family Law Courts even
moreso. But there's absolutely no reason to boil the tatters of a relationship down to how much he is paying you at the end of the month.
If adults can't sit down together, and sort their # out in simple terms of what's best for the kids, both financially and emotionally, and not
what's best for the revenge against the ex, or who should be screwed to the wall because you need that extra pack of smokes this week, then they
really should be questioning their role as both parents and adults.