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Many people who bring medicines and other supplies from Turkish Kurdistan are risking their lives because the Turkish government closed the border crossings and the Turkish border guards do not hesitate to shoot Kurdish civilians. Turkish border guards also arrested 158 Kurdish civilians of Kobane today after they tried to cross the border into northern Kurdistan (Turkey). They are now held as prisoners in the border village of Ali Kur. I talked to one girl among those arrested because she still secretly has her phone and she said that the Turkish soldiers have threatened to deport them back to ISIS-controlled areas of Kobane. The soldiers have told them that they should have evacuated Kobane long ago and that they are now considered illegal smugglers because the Turkish government no longer accepts refugees from Kobane. So this was my besieged city today. It is alive still, pretty defiant in the face of all these sorts of pressures, embargoes and terror attacks coming from all sides. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.
I counted the bodies of nine dead ISIS gunmen on the ground, and one YPG fighter told me that they had killed them in an ambush earlier in the morning when the gunmen had advanced, unaware that the YPG fighters were stationed inside the demolished buildings.
Sali was sitting outside the Democratic Union Party (PYD) headquarters holding his gun in one hand and smoking a cigarette in the other. He appeared very sad and I had never seen him so down. He told me that he has been informed that gunmen had beheaded his 74-year-old grandfather who was a farmer and had refused to leave his home in the village of Pinar, in the outskirts of Kobane. He said his cousins and uncles are now in Turkey and they rang him to confirm the tragedy because ISIS published photos of his beheaded grandfather on the internet.
As I sit, sipping coffee in the comfort of my bed....laptop laying on my lap, I read this vivid account and all I feel is shame. Ashamed....Ashamed of my country...ashamed of this government that claims to speak for me, with my tax dollars. Ashamed that the foreign policy of my nation helped create this situation. Ashamed of the lies....Ashamed, knowing that the tax dollars provided by all of us are killing people in distant lands. Ashamed knowing that we sit back, the "social pundits" of our day, analyzing, opining, speculating.....all the while the truth of the situation lost in the "fog of war"..... There is nothing but sadness here. Nothing but lose. All the veracity and morale of a people determined to survive, no matter how commendable, cannot hide the shame....it cannot hide the horror. All that any could say cannot stop what I feel....without feeling. Strange how that works. So detached, without emotion, it seems so far away.....yet so real, so close, so.......emotional. The human race is a disgrace.....we were born and bred to do nothing but self-destruct, save the ability to pretend that "there is beauty"....all the while actively working to destroy it, be it consciously or on some strange, subconscious level. How can one turn a blind eye to all this (and so much more) and even smile? How can one not be jaded by this? How is it possible, IF it is possible, not to feel hopelessness? What is "faith"? How does one obtain that? Oh, how I wish I had faith, in something.....in ANYthing! Despondent, dissociative, disheartened, and disillusioned.....it is all I take away from reading these types of accounts. ............and yet I have the ability to "turn it off".....to "tune it out"....to "make play" like it isn't real. To live my life free from this type of suffering. How is that fair? How did I end up with this life while so many suffer?...........................Sometimes, sometimes I feel like the lone survivor of some horrible plane crash, always questioning WHY I am the lone survivor. Always questioning, how did I end up here and so many others with some much more "spirit" than myself end up in such forced suffering, living it atrocious conditions seeing and surviving repugnant and atrocious things.....unspeakable things. It isn't fair...... Where is your god? .....your God turned "his" back on this place long ago. In every real sense of the phrase......your God is dead. Only evil remains, sometimes masking as beauty only to keep us attached here....to feed on us, like vampires they do. My words here aren't articulate......it matters not. What is to be said that can turn beautiful the horrors of mans' work? There are none.....there is nothing that can be said. Only the ramblings of those far into the distance, wishing desperately that this world wasn't what it is......Only ramblings of one who is sometimes at a lose for words because the emotions don't fit the mind's state..... ....the mind says "this is horrible".....the emotions say, "I cannot feel".....I have long ceased feeling, for it is painful and the only escape is to retreat from the emotions themselves. It is pure, plain, simple survival, that is all it is....I do NOT kid myself! .....Oh how I wish I was blind.....I wish_I_was_blind
I also find it very inspiring, their fierce courage in the face of such a terrifying outcome is astounding to me.