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originally posted by: HillbillyHippie1
As a writer, I like it. It is very descriptive, but I might say a little too complex or overly descriptive for the average Joe. I hate to say "dumb it down", but you may want to simplify it more. Make it more of a story than a poem. Do you get what I am saying? Make your descriptions more compatible with what the average Joe is capable or willing to follow. Be more balanced in your matter-of-fact along with your poetic descriptions and you will be a top-notch writer. That is my constructive criticism.