It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable AboveTopSecret.com in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.

 

Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.

 

relationship: sticky situation. Need advice

page: 1
9
<<   2  3 >>

log in

join
share:

posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 06:16 PM
link   
Hi guys,

I'm in great need of advice after finding myself, yet again, in a complicated and stressful "relationship".
To make the long story short I'm a busy furniture maker, recently relocated and work a lot in a remote workshop in the countryside (close to Lyon France) and all my friends are now either married, have children and are too busy (or know better) to introduce me to their female friends.And I don't go out like... by myself.
That's why I started using dating sites to try to meet girls, potentially to build something real. Unfortunately I have not met the right girls (I guess I am quite choosy).

Anyway.

I started seeing this girl two month ago. We started off by really getting along together and had this good friend vibe. Shared some topics of interest etc... then we took it to next step and I must say I really felt like it was not really what I should have done.

Our relationship turned into something really difficult for me in a very short time. She turned out to be really really demanding in terms of "proofs of affection", texting me all day long. I hate this thing. Like... I'm a really hard worker and I need to be focused and the pressure of someone you don't know that well waiting for me to answer millions of messages and most of the time for such a poor content of discussion kills me. I'm into real things. face to face.

Then she quit her job. And had even more time to obsess on me or us or whatever.
Then she started having money problems and I discovered she had some serious health problems. Which made me feel sympathetic.

To be honest I want out this relationship so bad. It is really affecting me because she has turned into a very moody, depressed, slightly crazy person I didn't even really know and now I feel I must stay with her to help her at least get out of that state of self neglecting.

I knew from the start she wasn't "the one" but we both needed to share some affection. Now I am stuck with a person that is focused on me due to lack of personal projects and in need of constant proof of love. Which I don't have...

How the Freak am I gonna get out of this. I'm so close to breaking point. I just want her to vanish.

I know... it's horrible. I just don't want her to loose it though.

I'm not a bad person. I'm ready for something real. I'm just struggling to find love. :/
edit on 12-10-2014 by Logiciel because: (no reason given)

edit on 12-10-2014 by Logiciel because: spelling. I'm a frog




posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 06:28 PM
link   
Dating sites are like this.

The type of girl you Don't wont to take home to your mum and dad are hugely over represented simply because dating sites are their last chance.

Just say something like, I know we are not compatible.

Those really nice girls that hit dating sites are gone in sixty seconds.

Those not really nice girls are there for ever.

If she is not for you then do something now.

Dating sites work ...... sometimes ....... but not often.

P



posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 06:29 PM
link   
Just be honest. If she can't handle the truth, that's her problem. You don't want to be stuck in a miserable relationship until everything goes bad and you end up hating each other. Sometimes it's better to just be friends.



posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 06:29 PM
link   
if you want out....get out...use work as an excuse but make it nice and be a gentleman about it....good luck



posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 06:30 PM
link   
You are not responsible for whatever baggage this lady has. Do the kind thing and tell her it is over. Two months is hardly a commitment. She obviously had problems before she met you. Im female by the way and I wouldnt like to think a man felt this way about me and everyone else knew and not me. Maybe dont go down the internet dating road either. Join some different social scenes and dont look for love it will find you wgen not looking for it.a reply to: Logiciel



posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 06:30 PM
link   
a reply to: Logiciel
Good God man...RUN!

Let her be someone elses problem.



posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 06:32 PM
link   
Your situation sounds like my past, and like many others I have personally helped out with stuff.

She's gotten addicted to the emotion of being with you, and it's likely that she has done exactly the same things in her own past relationships. You, as well, are likely addicted to similar things, and you'll know if you're fitting into your personal pattern of relationships if the one with her is very similar to ones in your past, or if the relationship is essentially the "same" with the same themes, etc.

The best thing to do is to break the patterns that have formed. If she isn't the one, don't string her along, or yourself along. Just pull the band-aid off and break it off.

Otherwise, you're just going to find it getting worse and worse, and that's no good for either of you.

Best thing I can advise with it.

If it helps, I did do a podcast episode about this very topic, which you can find here. (I would not normally promote something here, but it does fit the topic and I think would be a real help. Mods, if it's inappropriate, i apologize.)



posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 06:37 PM
link   
a reply to: Logiciel

If you know she isn't the 'one'. Then the answer is plain. You need to break up with her and send her on her way. She seems to have mental and physical issues and is really really needy. If you were to get involved any deeper with her she would end up ruining your life. Suck it up and tell her to go on now. Much better than letting it drag out and cause you more distress.



posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 06:38 PM
link   
Be honest...

The sooner the better.



posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 06:53 PM
link   
start acting like an arsehole.
stop texting her, ask her about her cute friends.

do really rude things like urinate in her front yard and get drunk and look at porn while she is there.
you can also start pointing out how other chicks are htoter, thinner, smarter in front of her.

or, just dump her.

take a deep breath, say good bye .. then BLOCK HER NUMBER!



posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 06:53 PM
link   
All the above advice is right. She has a personality disorder, for one. She may have other mental illness diagnoses that you know nothing about.

However: You are only responsible for your own happiness, not hers. Just because you slept with her doesn't mean that you owe her a darn thing.

Tell her that you need your space, that you and her are not compatible, and be done with it. You are not responsible for other people's feelings or actions. Only your own.

I met my husband online, BTW. It can happen. But you gotta go through a lot of psychos in order to find somebody. Best of luck to you.



posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 06:53 PM
link   
I am a woman who was in your situation about a month ago. I mean my feelings were almost identical to yours and he behaved in the same way as your girlfriend. We were together five months, which was four and a half months too long. I had let it go on too long and had no idea how to broach the subject of breaking up. So, I began pulling back with my feelings and my time and tried to become distant. That was easy because I honestly did not want to be with him anymore. By doing that, I seemingly forced him to confront me, to ask me what was going on with me, what was wrong. This gave me the opportunity to say I'm not happy and no longer want to be in the relationship. He was shocked and did not get that I was totally serious. I had to stand my ground on multiple occasions after that, and explain why I thought we were not right for each other in numerous ways until he finally accepted the break up.

I admit, it's hard to tell someone you don't want to be with them without hurting their feelings. I highly recommend using the "It's not you; it's me" method. Don't go into detail about what she does that bothers you. Just tell her you've made this decision for the betterment of both your lives. You don't think the two of you are right for each other.

Then, don't answer her calls. Don't give into her pleas and you will be free and single again once more. I'm not proud of staying in my last relationship long after I knew it wouldn't work between us. I just wanted to share with you how I did what you are trying to do in the case that it might give you some guidance. Good luck to you!



posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 06:56 PM
link   
a reply to: Logiciel

Being with someone who is obsessed with you can be dangerous! Sometimes they just can't let go and it gets to a point where they don;t want to see you with anyone else. Jodi Arias was obsessed and look what happened to her boyfriend Travis! Don't wait, end it now! You can't let your feelings of her health problems pull you into a relationship that isn't being true to yourself.



posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 07:03 PM
link   
Dump her. After an hour or two of guilt you'll feel great and she will get over it.

Go NSA with the next one, or "ones"

No guilt, you get to focus on your work and get laid every once in a while without the proofs of affection



posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 07:03 PM
link   
Dump her. After an hour or two of guilt you'll feel great and she will get over it.

Go NSA with the next one, or "ones"

No guilt, you get to focus on your work and get laid every once in a while without the proofs of affection



posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 07:07 PM
link   
Tell her what you want and expect and tell her how far you'll compromise on what she expects from you. Tell her if she doesn't want to play ball then she can kick rocks.

Don't give in to tears, be a d!ck.



posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 07:10 PM
link   
It is simple. You tell her you just don't think the two of you should see each other anymore. If she asks why you tell the truth. Yeah it is going to suck and you are going to feel like crap for a day or two, but it is far better to end it now then continue on the path you are on.



posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 08:21 PM
link   
a reply to: canucks555




Dump her. After an hour or two of guilt you'll feel great and she will get over it.

Go NSA with the next one, or "ones"

No guilt, you get to focus on your work and get laid every once in a while without the proofs of affection



Really canucks555???

What about love? What about true companionship? Not interested?

Sometimes getting laid brings children, and I'd say that's a very real proof of affection.



posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 09:24 PM
link   
a reply to: Logiciel

Old dude here who has been there done that. Please don't take this advice as rude. Its just stern and to the point.

"Drop that chick and don't look back".

You have no reason to invest energy in a situation you wisely know is unfruitful. Be an adult and cut her off. Give her an explanation "preferably face-2-face. Don't be the jerk who texts or emails it".

And really...its that easy. Just do it. Not a single reason you shouldn;t have gotten this done already or needed to ask a forum. Be a man and get things correct for both of you.

Anything less is cowardly and unfair to her and yourself.

MM



posted on Oct, 12 2014 @ 09:49 PM
link   
a reply to: Logiciel

RUN.

Run like hell.

If you can.

You have got yourself into a terrible emotional sticky-trap. Your lady friend isn't going to let you go in a hurry. There's no easy, gentle way to do this. Tell her you're off. Live through the ensuing scene, the anger, the tears, the suicide threats, whatever. Repeat your message. Then pack your things and leave. If she's living in your house, move.

There is no cure for the situation you're in. Your choices are acquiescence (on her terms) or departure.



new topics

top topics



 
9
<<   2  3 >>

log in

join