Researching this subject more can be really enlightening.
For most of my life, I was unable to understand why many people have a hostile reaction to me.
Not all, but in particular, people who have a very dominant type personality, both male and female.
But I have a tendency to be submissive, passive, and receptive way of reacting to all people (this, people who know me well even confirm). When faced
with others, I just feel overwhelmed by a desire to get along with them and be as agreable as possible. I easily feel overwhelmed by my empathy and
concern for others, causing me to be somewhat of a pushover.
So would anyone have the first reaction to attack me? I could not understand it, and none of my friends could see it either.
Until I read up on facial traits and instinctual reactions- I have everything that is supposed to inspire the image of being forceful, dominating,
authoritative (heavy square jaw, lips downturned at the ends...) then , in reading about body language, realized I do things like stand with my legs
apart and firmly planted, hands on hips, which indicate a very forceful dominant personality.
It just blew my mind that I am sending out these signals that seem so wrong about who I am and my intents!
How could that be?
It took time to realize that, my self image in relation to others is very different from my self image alone.
These sorts of body language, I do not do while faced and interacting with others- but if they see me doing them from a distance, while alone, or
while concentrating on something else, they get a distinct idea of my personality.
It doesn't even matter if they don't see it while talking with me (my body language changes drastically when engaged in exchange with another)- that
just means I am a dominant personality- in a temporary moment of vulnerability (the moment to act quickly and attack!).
I do not have low self esteem, but my esteem of others is just as high. It seems like many people judge in an either/or fashion- this is either better
than that, or worse than that.. I am better than he, or worse than he.
As far as our instinctual reflexes and social drives go, nothing is "equal but different". "I'm okay, you're okay" is not common perception.
I am starting to come to the conclusion that perhaps I was born with a natural tendency to be rather "alpha- ish" and extroverted, but my early
experiences caused that to be somewhat repressed or scrambled. I had a friend I recently talked with who stated she also saw that I have innate
leadership type of qualities, but it becomes clear, when people know me for a while, that they were twisted and "neutralized" (her word) by my early
environment and experiences.
I think much of my social instincts became warped. my tendency to be extroverted and dominant were pushed into introverted and obsessed with self
mastership and discipline instead.
This is not of interest to anyone else, I know. What I guess I am getting at, is the notion that we don't know ourselves as much as we'd like to
"Do people perceive me as I truly am?" is a rather complex question, and not easy to answer....
edit on 8-10-2014 by Bluesma because: (no