Funny Kid One Liners

I was watching the news this morning and they were discussing funny kid one liners. Being a mother, it bought back a flood of memories about some of the things that my daughter has said through the years. There is a reason why Art Linkletter's show "Kids Say The Darndest Things" was such a hit. It has been replicated for the same reason.

Kids have an uncanny ability to say some of the most off the wall things, say things that will surely embarrass the pants off of you, and say the absolute wrong thing at the absolute wrong time. All in innocence of course... I think.

Who really knows?

I thought it would be fun and maybe bring a smile to everyone's faces, if we shared some of our personal stories of the funny things our kids have asked or said to us that have left us red from embarrassment and laughter.



My daughter once asked me if they had McDonalds when I was a kid.

She once asked me what ED (Thanks Viagra and Cialis... Really) was when I was sitting alone (except for her) with my father in law while waiting for my husband to meet us for dinner. If you knew him... It would be funnier. I could have melted into the couch. As it was, I think my ears and cheeks caught fire and turned to ash in a matter of seconds. I, of course ignored it (as she was only 2) and directed her attention to the beautiful little people school bus in the other room...

She has also asked what a period was during one of those nifty Kotex commercials that used to have the red period jumping all over the screen (Thanks again) in a waiting room at the doctor's office (when she was too young to explain that as well) which seemed to be filled with about 1,500 men... That's what it felt like at the time anyway.



She asked my mom one day if she ever saw dinosaurs.

She still lacks a filter at times. And she still says things that leave me thinking wth?

A few weeks back my husband and I were joking around with each other and my husband said "I'm not even fooling with you anymore". My daughter piped up from the other room and said "You already did... At least once." My husband nearly blacked out while I was all but trying not to fall in the floor laughing and encourage her.



I could go on and on as she is almost 17. There are a lot of years to cover lol. I will add more later as they come to mind. But I want to know about your kids and what they've said through the years.

Maybe we can forget about Ebola, ISIS, and all the other problems we have for a moment and just have some light hearted giggles and share fond memories amongst ourselves.

So... It's your turn.

Best one I can think of off hand, my daughter was not even two yet. My wife was driving and the daughter was in her car seat in the back seat of the car and my wife heard her say "where's my f***ing bottle?!"


I work at a bulk materials facility an unload train cars as part of my job. cornola pellets when they get wet smell just like cow crap.
After work I stopped by my sisters place to get my wife as she was baby sitting our niece who is allmost two. I hadn't changed clothes yet after work and my niece asked me, "uncle tony got poopy butt?" Ugh

My boyfriends son recently turned to him out of nowhere and said:
"If you see Father Christmas on fire, just let him burn..."

No context, no lead up, just completely out of the blue.

One of my little nephews was heard to remark "This damn car, I hate it, it won't go"; evidently parrotting, as his mother admitted, something she must have been muttering once.

originally posted by: caterpillage
Best one I can think of off hand, my daughter was not even two yet. My wife was driving and the daughter was in her car seat in the back seat of the car and my wife heard her say "where's my f***ing bottle?!"


I work at a bulk materials facility an unload train cars as part of my job. cornola pellets when they get wet smell just like cow crap.
After work I stopped by my sisters place to get my wife as she was baby sitting our niece who is allmost two. I hadn't changed clothes yet after work and my niece asked me, "uncle tony got poopy butt?" Ugh

The f'ing bottle part reminded me of A Christmas Story for some reason. That had to be a shocker lol.

And poopy butt?? Isn't it nice that they have no clue if they are embarrassing the life out of you?

They just announce things in a voice loud enough to ensure that EVERYONE hears that you have an issue.

Thanks for they giggle. I feel your pain!

a reply to: Lulzaroonie

That's a tad creepy lol. Just right out of the blue... Who will deliver the prezzies if Santa burns?



Priceless. That reminded me of when my dog was acting strange and wouldn't sit beside me like usual. My daughter said that maybe he sees something sitting right beside me that I couldn't see.

I wanted to get up and move. Really bad. I didn't. But I damn sure wanted to.

I think that's why so many horror movies have kids in them. They can be downright creepy at times.

originally posted by: DISRAELI
One of my little nephews was heard to remark "This damn car, I hate it, it won't go"; evidently parrotting, as his mother admitted, something she must have been muttering once.

It certainly doesn't take us long to realize that little ears can hear almost everything! During those times, you can't really punish them because they learned it from you. It goes from being a bit funny to being something you know you can't allow them to continue to do. Then you have to figure out how to tell them "Do as I say and not as I do". That's really hard to explain to small children.

It's also hard to correct them when they do say something so wrong, but funny all at the same time.

I'm glad my kids aren't the only ones who drop the F bomb.

a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

Years ago, a friend of mine was in a long line, with her two young sons, at a cafeteria-style restaurant. A rather rotund man standing in front of them broke wind. The four year old pointed at his rear end and exclaimed, "It came from THAT BUTT RIGHT THERE!" She was so shocked, she did not have time to grab him before he stepped out of line, and got EVERYBODY'S attention (in case someone missed out the first time I guess) and hollered, "HEY... HEY!!! (pointing again) IT CAME FROM THAT BUTT RIGHT THERE!!!"

She just grabbed both kids by the hand and left, LoL...

I love it when kids get a word wrong. My daughter had a friend who thought that cigarettes was pronounced "secrets". She used to say "Smoking secrets is very bad for you."

I love this video of the little girl telling her mom how she would kick the movie monster's "ask".

a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

The only thing we could think of that made any kind of sense, is that he must have just had some kind of fire safety talk at school. He's only just started school and it's pretty routine for firemen and the like to go to school and give kids a talk about fire safety.

Perhaps someone had said, "if you see a fire, candle burning etc, leave it alone and just let it burn and go get help" and all he remembered was "if you see something on fire, let it burn."

No idea why poor Father Christmas had his goose cooked though

a reply to: kaylaluv
Oh,well, if we're getting onto mispronunciations...
My brother was very excited on our first Scottish holiday because he was hoping for a sight of the Loch Ness lobster.

My father was a primary school teacher. One of his pupils once asked him "Please, sir, how do you spell "breathless"?" My father told him, and then said "That's a good word, Mervyn [or whatever the child's name was], how are you going to use it?"
"Please sir, I'm going to write 'This morning, I had bacon and eggs for me breathless". Quite right. Every child should start the day with a good nourishing breathless.

Weirdest thing; Since my first son could talk, he called me a "ding-dong dummy", in a playful manner. I, or no one I know, has ever used that term and don't know where he picked it up from. Now, it's a term of endearment between him and I.

What a great thread!! LOL

My great nephew when he was 4 was playing out in the yard and yelled, "Auntie, a worm!" Then he squished it and yelled, "Look Auntie, two worms!"

Another time he came over my house to tell me about one of his pets dying. He said, "Auntie, I have some very bad news." I said, You do, what is it?" He said my guini pig died." Then he added..."But I didn't shoot him or anything." LOL