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originally posted by: FlyersFan
originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: droid56
The only peace I wish to ever find, between my father, and myself, is the sort of peace that comes only after a final and catastrophic hammer blow to the base of the skull.
I'm not trying to be a downer, but there are some people that ones life, and the planet in general, can do well without. Trying to make peace with some of these people, is like a body making peace with bone cancer, in that its a bad idea, and kicking the snot out of the disgusting corruption is a much better one.
However, each to their own. Now my mother on the other hand... I do not need to make peace with her. We stand against the tides of madness shoulder to shoulder, look out for one another and others. We share solidarity of purpose, and unity of action. She's a great human being, and the only times we ever collide in an unpleasant manner, it's because we are so similar, rather than because either of us is wrong, or deliberately antagonistic, like my father was.
originally posted by: droid56
I was looking through a photo album this evening, and I stopped to focus on a picture of my father and me. I was about 16 years old, and he was in his fat phase. Now that I am 65 years old, my dad doesn't look very old in that picture now. My dad died in 1999.
I used to be not very close to my father. I was a sensitive, artistic, kind of physically small boy, and my dad was a tough guy, very handy with a saw and hammer. I had one brother who was everything I wasn't, tall, good at athletics, handy with tools, popular with the girls. I could sense that my dad preferred my brother to me. And that caused me to feel pain, and thus the wall between my father and me grew strong over my teenage years.
In my early adult years, there was never hostility between us, but our relationship was a bit on the cool side. But as I moved into early middle age, I began to grasp the reality that we are all creatures that have been conditioned by our environment. My father believed that we should "spare the rod and spoil the child", and "children should be seen and not heard" because that is what he heard his father say over and over to him.
And one day, I began to realize that my aging father was not going to be around too many more years, and that I should make the effort to improve my relationship with my father since I was a product of a more enlightened generation when it comes to parent-child relationships.
And that is what I did. I visited his home way more often, and I showed more love towards him, and over time the love I expressed became more a reflection of my true feelings. In fact, I finally understood it was there all along.
When I think of my dad, I feel happy that we became close in his final years. I know my mom, who died in 2000, was happy to see us grow closer.
If you are close to your aging parents, I'm happy for you. If not, make peace with them before they're gone. And I say this knowing that some misbehavior might not deserve your forgiveness in this life.