a reply to: AlephBet
I went through a hedonist phase from 13 to maybe 22 (to my dismay now), and even back then I couldn't stand rush. They have one song about an elm and
an oak that I appreciate on a lyrical level, but musically I don't see how anyone ever listened to them.
It isn't like I don't get what you are saying and I can feel your God pulling on my heartstrings telling me that it isn't too late to abandon
myself and surrender to him, but I don't want to become just another possession. At one time I think I was seduced by what you might call demonic
forces, you know the whole mountaintop "you are special, I could give you the world" type experience.
I think many people of a certain archetype have that experience. I was lost in my ego for a very long time, but after I died and I faced hell head on,
I came back different. I ran from it for awhile, trying to build my own life here, and I don't want to spend my eternity there, but I don't want to
bend the knee to a God who would condemn me either, and I certainly don't want to own the world.
The beauty in people is their potential for creative genius and I can't impose that onto them. That has to well up from inside of them. Slavery kills
that function in us. What kind of prize would I be if I drank the kool aide now? Would your God condemn me to spend out the rest of my days warming a
pew at the local church and graciously surrendering to whatever role I could embody here on the local level?
Maybe I'd climb to the top of my affinity group and I'd get to have a real say in my own "we." That might be really impressive. I don't want
that. If the price I pay for walking away from the established collectives of this world is to be isolated then so be it, and if I cannot be of use to
this world as a free being who stands on his own two feet, then I won't be anything at all. I just wish I had more optimal choices. It seems the
whole game is rigged to suck.
The sad thing is, your God had a real potential to be a good father to us, to guide us in our employment of freedom, to be proud of us as we step into
the light, and he's dropping the ball on that one. If he'd just get over his own myopic need to be the source of all things, he could sit back and
enjoy the things that we choose to create for him too. There really is no reason for there to be hostilities. And the institutions of this planet
could be benevolent to humankind if they'd just let go and give some control back over to the people.
Why are the institutions that mystics create, who claim to be all about surrender and the beauty of a spontaneous world so totalitarian in their
designs? Why is their fruit born into reality so disgusting? Who can Om out on a mountaintop while children are raped, mutilated and tortured? Who can
worry about their social status while people lose hope in themselves and turn to a god who just counts them as another tally mark on a black wall of
putrid flaming onyx?
Some day, a free people are going to get over their paranoia of one another and they will build something together and then they'll stand back
satisfied and they will say, "It is good." And when that happens, this whole thing will not have been for nothing. Whatever happens to me, I'm glad
I got to be here. It was worth it, and as far as I know I've still got quite a road ahead of me.
I'll tell you what. I'll give your God my computer for Christmas. On it, he can create whatever he wants and arrange it into anything his mind can
design, and he doesn't need a single willing human sacrifice to achieve that goal.