posted on Oct, 9 2014 @ 01:10 AM
In reading the OP, I want to ask- what do you mean by cheating?
Cheating in general, or are we talking about relationships?
On cheating in general (in business, in a boardgame, etc.) there doesn't seem to be any clear cut natural instincts. Humans and other animals can and
do use deception to increase survival chances.
Though some instinctual behaviors indicate that animals can have a sense of justice, or a form of ethic, theirs has much to do with group
identification- members of their own group, they will be concerned about being "fair" with, but not of another group or species. You can see this
with humans as well.
Some cultures embrace cheating and it is socially accepted. In a socialistic type of system, I have seen that it is considered healthy to cheat a bit
(and expected). It is considered mature self expression as an individual. If you don't, you are immature and not yet "individualized" in will. So
the person who does not cheat is less respected than the one that does.
On the subject of cheating in monogamous relationships.... there is different ideas of that. Sexual infidelity, emotional infidelity...?
Is it cheating to have a deep emotional tie to a person of the opposite who is not your life partner? Even if there is no sex involved?
I find that a natural and instinctive thing for me (a woman). I have troublenot loving other people!
I don't feel my ties and emotions for my husband to change in the slightest bit if I become emotionally engaged with another man.
Is cheating sexual? Men claim they feel a desire to have multiple sexual conquests, and that doesn't effect their feelings and bonds with their
female partner at all.
Some women say the same too, but it seems to be less of them.
There is much claim that our "natural" instinct is to be sexually active with many partners. Okay... I was raised in a "free love" environment- my
parents had various partners, they had group sex, they were a threesome for a while, I was taught that this is what is best and right. I now live in a
country that is pretty open about sex, and less concerned with fidelity, and am at an age where it seems everyone is expected to become "libertin"
(the french equivalent of swinging, very popular with the 40 and 50 year olds who finally have children out of the house).
So.... I would expect that I would find this all very easy to engage in, right?
Nope. I have made great effort- I went to swinging clubs with my husband to check it out, and my repulsion was visceral, beyond my minds ability to
repress or overcome. Letting a stranger touch me sexually, or enter my body awakens every inch of survival instinct I have. I am not concerned
about my mate having sex with others- I feel safe in his feelings and our commitment to each other- even if he were to have sex with another woman.
But I feel terribly bad about this inability to be sexually "free"- I feel like a freak. If it is supposed to be "natural" why, with the education
I had, and my whole environment supporting it, can't I do it???
I need to establish a bond of trust with someone before being sexually intimate. I feel vulnerable in intercourse. I have tried talking with other
swingers, discussing with them on forums, trying to change my perception, and none of it worked.
From once feeling a bit embarrassed at my sexual appetite and creativity with my mate, I know feel there is something inherently wrong with me. A
If it is "natural" to cheat, then I guess there are some people who are born with handicaps in that area.Maybe there is a spectrum of libido, like
the autistic spectrum.... I don't know. The question is still as sensitive one for me, and I have not come to a firm opinion on it yet (hence my long
winded personal whining here....)