When spirit is broken, call a mechanic

Had a very disturbing, but enlightening dream last night. (You’ll see in a bit why I chose to enter this in the Gray Area forum instead of the ‘dreams’ forum.)

I get sleep paralysis. So the dream I had was more of a paralysis-hallucination. I don’t want to discuss the science of sleep paralysis and hallucinations (I’m well aware of the science.) I’d rather just focus on the emotions and result of the experience—because it has shaken me to the core.

I’ve been battling with a lot of things this year, depression and very low self-esteem mostly (sheesh this theme keeps coming up in my threads and I hope this is the last time!)

So I jerked awake-ish into the paralysis state. Had a flood of thoughts running through my mind, very fast—so fast that I struggled to catch them all. They were like memories bursting through the floodgates. Some memories I recognized, some I didn’t, many of the memories just buzzed right by without a chance for me to examine them on a more conscious level. I hope that makes sense! Because it’s difficult to describe exactly what it felt like—as if an assembly of thoughts and memories were being flipped through rapidly like pages of a voluminous book.

In the paralysis-hallucination, I sensed there was someone, a presence near me—something that was instigating this rude awakening.

I feel like this presence was kind of opening me…probing into me. It made me feel like just a piece of hardware that this presence was working on—as if I were a broken down car, and this presence was a mechanic.

I know this is grim, and believe me, I am shocked and sickened this even passed through my mind…

Out comes this memory…there is a killer inside me. Some part inside me is a killer and has killed before. Some scant details about this popped out as well, but I can hardly remember anything specific. It felt like the message was, there is a killer somewhere in here..like, not that NB is a psychotic murderer, but there’s a glitch in there that needs to be fixed. It was very literal, but ambiguous, this passing thought. I took it to mean that there is a part of me that is very damaging to myself, and to others. But there was a hint that maybe there was once a killer in a very real sense; possibly a remnant from another lifetime or incarnation.

(Maybe I’ve just been watching too much Twin Peaks and David Lynch lately, who knows!)

Anyway, the “mechanic” is there working on me, making adjustments. I can’t quite see this presence, always seems just out of the corner of my eye, but I see enough to know it's there. I feel it there. I feel it working on me.

So the mechanic finds this “killer” thing—like a wrench jamming up the gears in what and who I am, and the wrench is pulled out of my chest. As this happens I feel this incredible wholeness of my being. It’s very hard to describe. It felt like all of a sudden there was a part of me that was far too big and powerful…so big that it broke out of my physical, bodily limitations (I’ll try an analogy—made me think of a light bulb, how the light extends far beyond the shape and form of the bulb…the light is much greater than the actual bulb.)

It felt like a part of me was suddenly being projected outside of the body…it was that sensation again like “the floodgates are bursting”…like I extended far beyond my body—like I’m too big to be contained in my body, but the body is more like a focal point for what’s really there inside and outside.

Aside from the feeling of wtf and being disturbed at the thought that there was some kind of “killer particle” inside me…

I’m feeling truly delighted and electrified! I am feeling a balance and poise I haven’t felt in a very long time.

I have had a few similar experiences with these paralysis-hallucinations and presences nearby. Some seem benevolent, some malevolent. I am most fascinated with the benevolent ones—the ones that make the experience seem like much more than a simple nightmare image.

I have speculated that they may be angels, or some type of guides, or light workers, or whatever folks call them these days.

The experience I described above isn’t even the first time I’ve met these “mechanic” types. I can recall at least a handful of distinct experiences I’ve had with them in addition to this latest one. Allow me to share a few of my most memorable and favorite interactions.

1) One of earliest I can remember, I tried to interact with them: I asked, “Are you God?” In a lovely female voice, it responded laughingly “No. I’m not God.” I sensed only humbleness in this laugh—nothing malicious at all in the delivery of the answer.

2) Another time I sensed 2 males. They were talking to each other, about me, as if I weren’t there! One said to the other something like, “He’s been through a lot. He’s going to need a lot of work.” I felt this amazing healing ‘energy’ in my neck and shoulders (an area of constant pain and discomfort for me.)

3) Once during these paralysis-hallucinations I saw a bright, golden light while sensing the presence of a “mechanic” behind it. I asked If I could see her and she simply said it’s not allowed..again she dispensed a healing energy on me.

I am very grateful these beings/ entities are around, and that they seem to want to help! I seem to be a major project for them. I’m not implying I’m anything special; nothing of the sort! Just that I’m so clumsy about life that I seem to need a lot of repair work. Maybe I’m the human equivalent of a ‘lemon’ or a jalopy ha!

Now if I could just keep myself in good working order and give these mechanics a break! That’s the trick.

Many are familiar with my story about when I was administered chemotherapy during my fight with cancer, and how I felt 2 presences pick me up out of my body and carry me.

Does anybody else have repeated visits or encounters like this? I’d be fascinated to hear about it! It doesn’t have to be a dream per se; I am just intrigued to hear about experiences with these benevolent helpers. They may be doing tons of works behind the scenes and we’d never know it! I really wish I understood it better.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha


They sound more like "Visions" than dreams.

The fact that you agree that you need help and are receiving help that carries over to your reality makes me think you are receiving help from God or the light through visions. This is possible according to the scriptures.

I pray that you continue to find peace in your visions. Thank you for sharing them, they bring me peace also.

Are they Angels? Are they part of you?
Why not Yes and Yes?

originally posted by: sacgamer25
Are they Angels? Are they part of you?
Why not Yes and Yes?

Exactly. I feel there are multiple things going on here. As I always say, truth is multi-layered.

Thanks so much for your input and support

I'm glad for your sake,that you had that help,NB,who or whatever was the source.For some of us there's no help,ever,from anything or anyone.But then,maybe the experience was generated from within yourself-but was perceived by you as from an outside source-the mind and psyche may have presented/manifested to you as an outside source,idk..either way I'm happy for you that you received assistance,no matter the point of origin. a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Interesting!

I suppose there is a killer in all of us, after all it used to be an essential part of our evolution and growth as a species. Of course that has changed over the centuries, we are more inclined to suppress and ignore these aspects of our nature these days. Mainly because we value our own life & that of others more, we make better & more educated decisions and take less destructive paths to reach our individual & collective goals. But the attributes of a killer still remain in us, and they will not hesitate to show themselves when it comes down to it.
But acknowledging those aspects of yourself, seeing what we as individuals are capable of, is an important lesson on our journey to self awareness and a deeper understanding of our surroundings, not to mention gaining control over our feelings/emotions. We cannot grow if we are in denial of our very own nature.
And yes, these are remnants of another lifetime, genetically as-well as spiritually.

But the word "mechanic" is a the wrong word in my opinion, you are neither glitched nor broken. But we all are in need of guidance, especially in times when our judgement is clouded by our surroundings and self-doubts. I am sure there are forces out there making sure to keep us on the right track.

Speaking of one of my own experiences. In my dream I found myself in a plain white cathedral/temple. There was a woman in a white dress sitting in the center of the room. It is hard to explain, but she emitted a force that I can only describe as pure/unconditional love, her sheer presence was life changing for me. Just that simple, yet profound experience made me a new person. It is hard to believe, it is impossible to put into words, but that feeling will always stay with me and help me regather my confidence in myself and the universe. There are forces out there so beautiful, pure and clear, trusting and loving, it is hard to get on the wrong path.

a reply to: Raxoxane

Thanks for your reply!

I'm not too terribly concerned with the why and wherefore either. Whether internal or external, psychological or spiritual--they all seem to be integrated in interesting ways anyway--the message is as you say...there are tools to help us.

I am curious now..Why do you believe some are beyond help? I don't believe this. I may fall back on my face tomorrow, but I don't believe there are truly forsaken people out there without hope.

We have the tools. Our stubbornness can get in the way of recognizing our strength and potential though. I'm as stubborn as they come. But life seems to have funny ways of breaking down those old foundations so that we can rebuild.

originally posted by: Clairaudience
But the attributes of a killer still remain in us, and they will not hesitate to show themselves when it comes down to it...

...genetically as-well as spiritually.

Yes, this is the impression that I got while trying to keep up with those fragmented memories and images...That there was a killer in there, and that it was now aiming itself at me.

I do remember thinking to myself, "This is why memories get buried." It was emotionally painful and frightening to have this "killer" inside me, even if just a metaphor. Being confronted by that was devastating.

It was a very confusing and overwhelming experience, to say the least.

Speaking of one of my own experiences. In my dream I found myself in a plain white cathedral/temple. There was a woman in a white dress sitting in the center of the room. It is hard to explain, but she emitted a force that I can only describe as pure/unconditional love, her sheer presence was life changing for me. Just that simple, yet profound experience made me a new person. It is hard to believe, it is impossible to put into words, but that feeling will always stay with me and help me regather my confidence in myself and the universe. There are forces out there so beautiful, pure and clear, trusting and loving, it is hard to get on the wrong path.

Don't ever forget this! I think experiences like these are like a promise. It's a goal for you to always look forward to. I think life is about seeking and knowing this kind of peace once again. It becomes the highest goal.

I've probably had only two experiences of sleep paralysis and one them really bugged me. It was more or less a Deja vu experience, however I vaguely remember talking to my self in my bed about my life and what was gonna happen. I recall one vivid image that I had dream t about that actually came to life, before I was getting into spirituality, or when I started trying to find one to relate too. This was way before my negative experience with third eye meditations, or any life changing perspectives.

Other then that, I had to find my own way from spiritual ruin. Sure praying to Christ when your a scared dumped kid, great and all, but it get to repetitive sometimes, with very little spark or fiz zazz to it. I do recall having dream of a ball of light for a few nights. Did nothing other then flash at the end of my dreams.

I think Batman had a bad case of sleep paralysis in this scene.


Other then that, not really much more to say.

No there are,there are truly forsaken people out there,NB.Well for this incarnation anyway.All such people/souls can do is soldier on till the exit point,while trying to have honesty+integrity,and above all,harm none.While trying to get through without amassing much bad karma,to put it simply-and just be strong+see this tour through to the end as best they can.Why I think so? I Know so from almost 50 years here,NB-and I'm tired of waiting for help that never comes-i am tired of expecting integrity and righteousness and decency and compassion from the ones who Can help,but won't.So I just soldier on,and do my duty while I wait for my exit point.

Tools are useless if the sabotage and interference from forces majeure never end.But I do believe,if we have been,as souls,more good,and kind,and compassionate and helpful-if we basically are good souls who did our level darndest while enduring lifelong torment,we do get a say about our next incarnation,we get some form of choice.I shall choose to never incarnate again,anywhere,at any time,If I have the choice,I will rather be snuffed out,as a soul/soul matrix,than to ever incarnate again.What a mercy that would be.I basically just replied to your thread to say I'm glad for you-don't worry about the rest of it-just indulging a depressive mood..a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

All can be helped but it is easier to help some than others. When the student is ready the teacher will appear.

I am very grateful these beings/ entities are around, and that they seem to want to help! I seem to be a major project for them. I’m not implying I’m anything special; nothing of the sort! Just that I’m so clumsy about life that I seem to need a lot of repair work. Maybe I’m the human equivalent of a ‘lemon’ or a jalopy ha!

Lol. From my point of view I am a very bad at playing human myself. . I just fit in badly from my point of view.

NarcolepticBuddha can you replicate the energy flow thru your body with meditation/reiki (or similar intent->maniferstation chi/light flowing tool)/singing/listening or some other tool?

Was the energy flow pulsating, hot, very hot or cold?

a reply to: Raxoxane
I very much sympathize, and your post wholly resonates with me. I understand the feeling of helplessness, feeling like a victim to twisted circumstances. It's true, it's all true. We do the best we can and try to avoid the cross-fire. But that will lead to stagnation for sure.

No, we certainly won't be seeing heaven-on-earth or utopia-for-all. It's depressing. This must happen first on the individual level. We must cultivate on the individual level.

So scale back: What exactly are you missing? What is it that you don't have that will make you happy? I have found that everything I've ever asked for, good and bad, has been given to me. I find that I have also taken a lot of life's gifts and tossed them in the trash because they did not meet my expectations. Be super specific about what you want. Envision it and all its details.

I ask again, what's missing in your life? Start there. I don't think there's anything so unattainable in any of our lives that it can't reasonably be fulfilled. Be prepared to change your expectations and standards though! It starts with determining the answer to 'what is missing?'

If you don't want to discuss on the thread, please feel free to U2U me. I'd be very interested in continuing our dialogue. Maybe we can compare notes and share some helpful tips That goes for everyone!

a reply to: Raxoxane

This place is not easy for even those who have the help and the waiting is hard. And never being a human again sounds like a dream come true for me also. Thank you for your sacrifice.

Namaste (I bow to the divine in you).

originally posted by: LittleByLittle
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha
All can be helped but it is easier to help some than others. When the student is ready the teacher will appear.

Intent, desire, and determination are the keys! Oh yeah, also patience and persistence. The teachers have no time for back-row hooligans looking to coast through the class.

can you replicate the energy flow thru your body with meditation/reiki (or similar intent->maniferstation chi/light flowing tool)/singing/listening or some other tool?

Was the energy flow pulsating, hot, very hot or cold?

As a matter of fact I can! I am very aware and sensitive to these energy channels running through the body. It took some time for me to figure out what these sensations were; took me a while to discover what exactly I was dealing with. I thought I had some major nerve damage or something for a while. No doctor could figure it out when I attempted to describe it (before I, myself, knew what it was.)

The sensations for me are very tingly, dynamic, and vibrational. Sometimes it's like a pins-and-needles sensation. Sometimes it's very intense like a jolt of electricity (Indeed, this is why you find lightning gods such as Zeus and Indra. Metaphors! Imagine that!) It can be soothing, but it can be very intense to the point where it becomes overwhelming and uncomfortable (not necessarily painful; it's just a very unusual sensation I'm not very used to.) I don't get a sense of hot or cold.

There are different methods and techniques to incite this 'energy.' The ones you listed above will do the trick with enough practice.

What this 'energy' is good for and what it does...well that's where I'm clueless! I just kind of look at it as the transmission of information and intelligence on a deeper level than what most of us understand: chi, The Force, kundalini, whatever, etc.

a reply to: Raxoxane
a reply to: LittleByLittle

If I have the choice,I will rather be snuffed out,as a soul/soul matrix,than to ever incarnate again.

And never being a human again sounds like a dream come true for me also.

It certainly sounds appealing! I'm sure you're aware that this is usually the goal of most spiritual journies when you look into any discipline, belief system, or religion--the goal is liberation and rest.

But I look at nihilism as a detrimental attitude to the whole. We all have a unique piece of the jigsaw puzzle. We must, all of us, lay down our piece to see the bigger picture. It's a group effort with a collective reward. In fact, this is the lesson of karma--inaction gets you nowhere fast.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

As a matter of fact I can! I am very aware and sensitive to these energy channels running through the body. It took some time for me to figure out what these sensations were; took me a while to discover what exactly I was dealing with. I thought I had some major nerve damage or something for a while. No doctor could figure it out when I attempted to describe it (before I, myself, knew what it was.)

Lol. Been thru the same thing with doctors. .

You can use it to achieve perfect synchronicity sometimes where intent->manifestation becomes 100% probable.

As you said information exchange with telepathy. Calming people down with Reiki and improving self healing placebo effect.

One theory is that the energy you flow thru saturates on this place so that the more energy pushed thru will make the transition to energized state easier (en-lighten-ment). If that is true then the ones who came before us paved the way for us making it easier.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Just because I will not be human do not mean I will not be something/exist. Spirit having a human experience. I am doing one part.

Nice to have a thread where people talk about this openly. I get tried of the whole keeping it hidden.

originally posted by: LittleByLittle
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha
Nice to have a thread where people talk about this openly. I get tried of the whole keeping it hidden.

It's been a pleasure exchanging with you. And thanks for your helpful description above. It wasn't even my intention to discuss anything other than experiences with these mysterious 'helpers.' But it looks like I attracted some interesting people onto the thread! I totally get what you mean about having to keep it on the down-low; even with close friends and family. People either just don't get it, or will ridicule. I have not enjoyed being isolated in this sense. It would be great to meet some kindred souls someday.

A lot of these lessons I had to learn myself through repeated experience or trial-and-error. I have had the privilege to meet and learn from some very fascinating teachers/ gurus. They were always the kind to say "just be and do and nevermind the details."

So yeah there's still a lot I'm trying to figure out

Thank you for good reply,NB.You know,I do realise that Soul cannot be snuffed out,and that nihilism benefits none-i was just very tired last night,physically and mentally,so I stated that I would rather have soul obliterated than reincarnate again.I know it's not possible.But there Are other options.

I just do not want to reincarnate into form again-because That can be as limiting and useless as being "snuffed out" ,imo and indeed,in my experience.BUT will/intent is the strongest,most powerful force in the omniverse-and my will/intent is to pass from this prison,into spiritform,to have soul be that which it is-and remain thus,into an existence of the purest service.Service to the omniverse,including the besieged human race- an eternity of service ,to which I am looking forward with GREAT relish:-)a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

a reply to: Raxoxane

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originally posted by: Raxoxane
Thank you for good reply,NB.You know,I do realise that Soul cannot be snuffed out,and that nihilism benefits none-i was just very tired last night,physically and mentally,so I stated that I would rather have soul obliterated than reincarnate again.I know it's not possible.But there Are other options.

I just do not want to reincarnate into form again-because That can be as limiting and useless as being "snuffed out" ,imo and indeed,in my experience.BUT will/intent is the strongest,most powerful force in the omniverse-and my will/intent is to pass from this prison,into spiritform,to have soul be that which it is-and remain thus,into an existence of the purest service.Service to the omniverse,including the besieged human race- an eternity of service ,to which I am looking forward with GREAT relish:-)a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Well, I don't know about all that! But I'm just sayin'...start by doing something that makes you happy. Examine what is, and what isn't working for you. If you don't know what makes you happy, then try doing something you haven't in a long while, or try something you haven't done before.

Just take a step in any direction that isn't the one you're facing now (the one that is making you miserable.)

I realize this advice may appear simplistic and patronizing, but it can be tough to recognize its value when in a certain frame of mind, believe me I know!

Fear is the mind-killer. Maybe that's what my dream episode was all about. If you're anything like me, you'll have to stop finding excuses to stay miserable when you could just do something that makes you happy.

You're not here to service the planet or sacrifice yourself for any omniverse. Your only job is to enjoy yourself as much as possible, and to spread that joy to others. What if that is the only service we're being asked to do in this 'incarnation?'

Again, what's stopping you from enjoying yourself? What's stopping you from taking a hike in the rain, or reading a good book, or telling a funny joke to some strangers? Be intuitive and feel your way around this process. Things will fall into line, trust me!

Again, I'm not trying to put you on the spot here! And if you prefer to discuss in U2U that's fine too. I'm just encouraging you to make the necessary repairs so that you can operate on maximum efficiency

You said some are beyond hope--I strongly disagree. Sure, you could prove me wrong about that, but I'd rather you didn't make a liar out of me!