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Tween Angst - What advice would you give your middle school self now, that you didn't know then?

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posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 10:12 AM
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Or...how do you counsel/guide your tween/teen? What mantras or words of wisdom or strategies do you use?

My kid started middle school this year - great kid, honor roll all through elementary, funny, compassionate, imaginative. But also awkward and desperately trying to sort himself out socially.

I tell him to follow his own interests and don't define himself by superficial things or labels and not to place too much importance on situations or people who won't be in his life even five years from now. At the same time, I encourage him to get out of his own head and view the world from the perspective of others, to try new activities and be as open to the world as possible. - but still remember our family values. Our tongue-in-cheek slogan is "Mind your manners and carry the (family) banner.

I'd like to know how other members have coached their kids through this time.
edit on 9/19/2014 by kosmicjack because: (no reason given)




posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 10:14 AM
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a reply to: kosmicjack

If I knew then, what I know now?

"Dude, you have been doing a great job keeping your anger in check, but trust me, it is not worth it. Just kill them all and be done with it."

There or thereabouts.



posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 10:19 AM
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I would tell myself that school DOES matter and figure out what you love to do and excel in it (something along those lines). Whether I would listen or not I don't know. I was more concerned with having fun and hanging out with friends than my future.

I am sure your kid will find his way socially, it doesn't come as easily for some kids it just takes a little longer.
edit on 19-9-2014 by Shepard64 because: (no reason given)

edit on 19-9-2014 by Shepard64 because: (no reason given)

edit on 19-9-2014 by Shepard64 because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 10:24 AM
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I would say..."Tell that girl she can keep her 'cigarettes'..", "stay away from the arcade" and "at least learn to drive before you think of stealing the car"



edit on 19-9-2014 by occrest because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 10:26 AM
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a reply to: kosmicjack

I don't think it's possible to tell an adolescent anything. It's just confusing and with support and love they work thru it on their own. Just a "rite of passage" ....

I know it must be difficult in a culture of so many mixed messages and social "hucksterism"

edit on 19-9-2014 by olaru12 because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 10:31 AM
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a reply to: olaru12

So, so hard.



posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 10:35 AM
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a reply to: kosmicjack
I would have told myself to do my homework because I easily could have gone Ivy League ... but I NEVER did homework, I passed with tests and essays.

You have good advice for him. Here are some things I told or discussed with my stepson.

1. It's not always about you, most of the time when someone comes at you with an issue, they are doing so because they are not sure how to deal with it within themselves but always recognize and admit where you fault and make corrections in your character.
2. Always listen to your heart, it tells you what you truly desire; always trust your gut, it might be wrong, but more often than not, it is right and is your instinct - it will keep you safe, always; pay attention to your mind, it is the self regulator to your heart and gut and will work out the differences. Use these together and you'll have a good basis for instant analysis of any situation.
3. Always question authority but do so respectfully, even when your last resort is utter defiance.
4. Care what you think of yourself, not what others do.
5. Lastly, take this if you want but I understand if you don't. I gave the drug talk and was straight and told him everything I knew and did myself. I told him I actually expect that at some point, he would experiment, that it would be stupid for me not to. So, I divulged information, told what each was like and pressed the (dangers health and legality). Seems to have worked, he's tried one thing and has been around others, sometimes not talking to some friends for weeks because he chewed them out. Each case is different though.

There is more I am sure but these are the ones off the top of my head.

P.S. I also told him if he ever gets arrested he's spending the max amount of holding time before we pick him up, haha.



posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 10:40 AM
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1. DON'T BECOME A POLICE OFFICER!



posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 10:46 AM
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The one thing I would tell myself, is that for you to memorize something, you have to write it over and over, you can't just read it. I didn't figure that out until high school, just in time.


One thing I always told my sons, is that school sucks. Not the classwork stuff, but the social part. I've raised you to be good boys, and I trust you. And I am always here to listen, no matter how bad it gets, or the great stuff.
Funny that their friends took me up on that, more than they did.
Even when it was about my sons. LOL



posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 10:48 AM
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I'd tell myself -

1 - School grades DO matter.
2 - Don't be distracted by the boys. They'll come and go.
3 - In the future, when offered USMAPS .. do NOT turn it down.
4 - NEVER date Eddie when you get to high school.
(cheapo slouch 'artist' type)



posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 10:54 AM
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Take the "Blue" Pill.
2nd



posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 11:02 AM
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I would shake my head and say 'what's the point? Your going to do it anyway!' lol But seriously, I could have done without being so naive in early adulthood.



posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 11:34 AM
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Not to listen to Tween wave music!

I would probably tell myself to not trust anyone. I was a little naïve. I would also warn myself to stay away from my first love. Believe me, it would've been better to not have loved at all. She was a mind-game playing, heart-ripping out, expletive deleted.

I put myself in my daughters shoes and explain to her how things are, now that she's in High School. I don't want her making the same mistakes that I did.



posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 11:50 AM
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a reply to: kosmicjack

I ask myself this question a lot.
The things I could have done in highschool and such that I know now... bleh.

Although I wasn't really all that 'out there' as a teen, I was quite moderate, I just stuck to my hobbies, played sports, went to family events, didn't drink, smoke, or hang out with the wrong crowed. The only thing I would have changed would be more productive with my time, concentrate more on my school, and stick to one field of interest.

OH and realize when a girl was into me... oh boy, the amount of times I look back and could have scored with many girls, I was just to oblivious to see the signs.

I think preaching to your kids or what ever doesn't really work, teens will listen, but it'll just go in one ear and out the other, you need to guide them, get them involved, push them into uncomfortable situations to learn life lessons. They might bitch and complain, but in the long run forcing them to say, work at a soup kitchen will give them interaction skills and realization that the world needs WORK to run, not video games, or sitting around texting or browsing buzzfeed and facebook all night, things like that come after contribution and hard work.



posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 11:59 AM
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originally posted by: strongfp

I think preaching to your kids or what ever doesn't really work, teens will listen, but it'll just go in one ear and out the other, you need to guide them, get them involved, push them into uncomfortable situations to learn life lessons. They might bitch and complain, but in the long run forcing them to say, work at a soup kitchen will give them interaction skills and realization that the world needs WORK to run, not video games, or sitting around texting or browsing buzzfeed and facebook all night, things like that come after contribution and hard work.



Really great point. Pushing back against a sense of entitlement in modern life is definitely wise.



posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 12:05 PM
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originally posted by: strongfp
I think preaching to your kids or what ever doesn't really work, teens will listen, but it'll just go in one ear and out the other, you need to guide them, get them involved, push them into uncomfortable situations to learn life lessons. They might bitch and complain, but in the long run forcing them to say, work at a soup kitchen will give them interaction skills and realization that the world needs WORK to run, not video games, or sitting around texting or browsing buzzfeed and facebook all night, things like that come after contribution and hard work.

Yeah, I agree, the tween/teen years you have to take a more mentorish approach than a parent approach, but not abandon the parent approach as you still need to be there for them or put the foot down when it really calls for it.



posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 12:13 PM
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I found individual sports after school helped to bring me out of my shell(People have been bitching about it ever since
). Badminton. Karate. Tennis. Etc.



posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 12:16 PM
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My advice to my teen self?

BUY MICROSOFT.



posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 01:22 PM
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You don't have to wait for the "right" girl.
Have sex as much as possible.

Oh, and buy Microsoft.
edit on 19-9-2014 by TerryMcGuire because: Oh, and buy Microsoft.



posted on Sep, 19 2014 @ 01:31 PM
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a reply to: kosmicjack

I'd have told myself, "dude, you know that girl likes you, go for it!"

I can think of quite a few as I got on through high school as well, but I don't remember ever hooking up with any of them... sigh



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