PART TWO (Rape Culture)
I lost a lot of gusto since the last post, so hopefully I can construct this one with more flamboyant imagery and solid rationale. Kangaruex4Ewe and
Cuervo managed a direct hit at the core of the problem with modern feminism. Hypocrisy. Also it's funny that you mention door opening. I started
writing this hours ago but had to do the 'mom' thing. It has all that everyone discussed up there about chivalry too. I have a few 'mantras' in my
house. "Do not touch what is not yours." and "Always open doors for elders and women." are among the most popular.
I have a decent relationship with my extended family. We’re all a bit crazy, but it is what makes us wonderful. There are so many different
opinions, and political views. I was chatting with my cousin (We’ll call her Ella) about my boys and their upbringing. She was disappointed I have
taught my boys to “always open doors for elders and women”. It was the “and women” thing that got the whole conversation started. She said she
wants my boys to find women who knew how to operate the door-handle. I said “I do too” then made a jab back, “Not only know how to use a
doorknob, but maybe even one that can say thank you when someone else is being nice.”
Later we were having coffee and I spoke to her about this, because I was surprised that she even used the term ‘find women’. She rolled back her
sleeves and showed me her newest tattoo “FEMINIST” inked in the most feminine flowing script over her forearm. Lacking any pink ink, ribbons, or
bows, it was the most categorically girlie thing I've seen on a woman’s body. We spoke about the tattoo (I have four myself) and I wanted to know
why she decided to get this permanently scrawled on her skin. She explained ‘teaching your boys to hold the door open’ was somehow culturally
stigmatizing them – apparently a man opening a door for a woman is about ownership. My skepticism antae went up. The conversation morphed as I
listened to her excitedly talk about her views. Even knowing this topic, even knowing the deep dredges it can scrape at the bottom of the barrel, I
cannot express how dumbstruck I with what she said next. Here was my beautiful, intelligent, well-spoken, educated cousin was being taught by a
university professor that all “PIV” sex was like rape. And she agreed wholeheartedly.
So I should explain, I personally could only imagine a few things in life that are more traumatic than rape. I am sure there are plenty out there so
let me say this: I am so grateful that my particular upbringing allows me to see rape as so horrific that there’s little else on the fringe of my
mind that is worse. I strongly believe that rape is one of the worst crimes one human being can do to another. As I tried to continue my coffee,
successfully not spitting it out all over the table, her, and the guy sitting behind her, she outlined the argument for me. Each point made me choke a
bit more on the coffee I was (by sheer willpower) managing to contain in my mouth.
- Because conception does not require biological processes anymore, sex is therefore pointless.
- Because pregnancy is traumatic for a woman, sex is not good for her biologically.
- Because abortion is traumatic for a woman, sex is not good for her biologically.
- Because contraceptives a woman can take chemically change her it’s not good for her biologically.
- Because women feel shame after sex. Always.
- Because women are brainwashed into thinking sex is pleasurable.
- Because if ‘no’ doesn't mean no then ‘yes’ has no value either.
- Because any "PIV" is by biological definition - a woman's body being violated by an outside object.
After I stared at her as if she grew a second (then third) head atop her shoulders I managed to swallow my coffee. I can’t list them all, as I
can’t remember every point. I took another 5 sips of coffee because I wasn’t sure how to respond or even if she was still talking at that point. I
pretended to sip, even after the last bits of coffee had been desperately drained from the stupid paper cup. She said that my children were the
product of rape and she felt so sorry for me.
Her new favorite term was “rape culture”. Oh, how far we have fallen if we have taken such a serious and dehumanizing crime and made it a
buzz-word. She talked about that new nailpolish that can detect date-rape drugs in drinks as if it were evil. “Well if men didn’t rape we
wouldn’t need nail-polish like that.” Yes. It is so sad we have to invent ways for people not to forcibly have sex with one another. That
doesn’t mean that the effort to save a person from rape is pointless. Needless to say this logic is FLAWED. And if criminals didn’t exist we
wouldn’t need prisons. You know, if bullets didn’t kill people we wouldn’t need bullet proof vests.
She spoke about the naked pictures celebrities had stolen. She said that was rape. Detour here. I think that whoever did that is scum. I believe they
should be fully prosecuted. Yet I can’t help but reflect… I was always taught if you don’t want something repeated don’t say it. If you
don’t want someone to use something against you don’t write it down. Politicians and celebrities haven’t perfected this yet by the looks of
their Twitter feeds. I think the same logic goes for photography though. If I don’t want my picture to be on “The People of WalMart “ then I
don’t go to WalMart in my best bathrobe with My Little Pony all over it in skid-stained Spiderman underroos. I never understood this shock when
photographs are leaked – but this stance is apparently ‘victim shaming’. Even if I think the people who did it are reprehensible. Here I thought
it was common sense. Apparently it’s rape too.
What blew my mind was that Ella failed to address when rape is motivated not by sexual aggression, but by power except in one instance. She said
something that just made me excuse myself from the conversation. If your blood isn’t boiling, it might kettle scream now. Please do not be holding
anything hot that can spill on you, and your keyboard. I warned you. “Men can’t rape men. Because men have no masculine power differential with
So she’s not alone in this. I found a blog parroting the exact arguments she gave me. If you are interested here it is. I couldn't stomach reading
it. This is not some… fringe idea. This is being taught in our universities.
So my beef (other than the obvious) is this. By taking a topic as serious as rape and comparing it to consensual adult sex, we (impersonal mind you)
have completely devalued the word. We have ripped all meaning and power it carries with it. We have stripped it from being a heinous crime and
compared it to a normal reproductive process. How can we expect a jury to take seriously a violent rape when we say that all sex is rape? How
backwards is that? How horrific is it that rape isn't EVER about power in this line of thinking UNLESS a man rapes another man – but then it’s not
rape. Is this really the face of feminism? I.. there are no more words.
edit on 9 16 14 by KaDeCo because: Wanted to add a warning for people who may have had trauma.
edit on 9 16 14 by KaDeCo
because: (no reason given)