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Dealing with myself as multifaceted, the struggle between the external and internal "self"

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posted on Sep, 15 2014 @ 01:09 AM
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"Be yourself because you might find yourself by yourself, and that's no fun."

This revelation is new, and is the result of much contemplation about the way that I behave and the way that I communicate.

I would like to start by saying, that I talk to myself, "he" is the "personality" that is conveyed through ATS. However, if you were to talk to "me" in person, it is likely that you would not recognise it as being "Resistor" - he is a totally different person. I would not say that I have a multiple personality disorder, because, they do not switch on and off unexpectedly, rather, it is a deep issue that I have in communicating to others.

This post would fall under "psychology" in the philosophical sense.

The "me" that engages with others is sweet, polite, and generally, from what "I", Resistor has managed to discover, is even considered "special".

The first title here, is called "Reinforcement".

I find that "Resistor" is not reinforced in society, he is the "me" that exists in isolation to others, and when he does manage to "talk", every so often, he is often ignored. However, the other "me" - what I can call an "inner child" is treated like a pet - he is humoured, he is approachable, and many talk to "him" - it is clear that "he" is being engaged with, however, when he is spoken to, "my" state of mind changes - I become timid and my thoughts change, and I become transparent in the way that I convey myself, a naïve innocence. In the background is "me" and I can't stand it. The constant reinforcement of "him" and the isolation of "me", Resistor, has turned me into a recluse, a personality that only expresses itself when speaking to itself. "Resistor" I fear would be in trouble if he were to be the prime communicator because, "he" - the external communicator, is the one whom they engage with, and whom they even consider as a friend.

Choices and motivations:

There is another "key" here, because he has a different choice set to myself, his choice of words are used in conversation, and when "I" think of something to say I often don't, because, all "I" get is silence, and "he" is treated favourably. I really wonder if "he" were to be "deleted" - "I" could have had a totally different life, with choices that "I" made.

For example, "he" really likes computer games, and when I buy these for "him", playing them fuels his personality, so, I usually submit to "his" choices, and this, increases the energy given to him as an identity.

Dealing with "him":

I often feel agitated by others whom humour "him" - you can imagine, him being seen as a polite young man, a bit "special" and timid in disposition, and "me" behind the curtain, having to put up with the fact that "I" am perceived in a belittling way. When "I" do try to break through, "I" am ignored generally, and have to stay behind the curtain and deal with an external "self" that is the very last thing that I would want to appear as.

A question:

My question to you is, do you feel that the "self" that you are when you are alone, the "self" that you are when you talk to yourself, is different to the "self" that others perceive when you are out in society?

Do you often wish that this inner self, you, could break through completely and become the you that others see you as, regardless of social acceptance?
edit on 15-9-2014 by SystemResistor because: (no reason given)

edit on 15-9-2014 by SystemResistor because: (no reason given)




posted on Sep, 15 2014 @ 01:46 AM
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Im coming from a little bit of a different angel, I'm transgendered (m2f), and so my struggle with my selves something I have been dealing my whole life, but in a little bit of a different way. I'll try and answer your questions anyway, it might provide some insight.


My question to you is, do you feel that the "self" that you are when you are alone, the "self" that you are when you talk to yourself, is different to the "self" that others perceive when you are out in society?


Before I was "out" definatly yes, the person I was pretending to be (lets call this person C) was in no way the same as the person I was in private, (lets call this person P). But there was also this transitional person that took elements of C and P's personalities, this personh was not completely private like P, but certainly not public like C (lets call this person B). B would interact with people in an intimate way.

After coming out, C was completely regected. B became the dominant personality in public and P to take on the role B once played...

Confused yet?

Im in early transition, so P will be the dominant once things progress a bit further.


Do you often wish that this inner self, you, could break through completely and become the you that others see you as, regardless of social acceptance?


I think the answer to that has been addressed above, but to put it explicitly: Yes, you dont make the choice to marginalise yourself if its not something you need to do for your own sanity.

Thats me (B, P and C)



posted on Sep, 15 2014 @ 02:06 AM
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There is a reason i call myself "Me and i" and that is exactly what you just described, when i'm alone i am me, when i'm out being social i become everyone else...I.

I can't stand being someone else as i try to be flawless and usually succeed, but it drains me of energy, so i usually just stay by myself, much easier to just be me.

My small quote in my signature explains it ( meet yourself ), it has required a lot of thinking and acceptance of who i really am, the link is just my introduction i wrote in a weak moment( I actually like to be anonymous ) , it's just there to remind me of that i had a great life though i never really was my self and covered my own needs, i always took care of everyone else but forgot to take care of my self.

The only ones who gets attention now beside myself are my children, 16 and 19, and i'm teaching them what i forgot...Know yourself and act like yourself.

edit on 15-9-2014 by Mianeye because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 15 2014 @ 02:14 AM
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a reply to: RifRAAF

I understand, the transitional element becomes dominant when addressing both "sides", perhaps this person can be called the observer, and becomes active when it is able to perceive both the interior and exterior "self".



posted on Sep, 15 2014 @ 02:20 AM
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a reply to: Mianeye

The problem is society, the inner "me" has spent too much time roasting in its own juices, and is simply not geared to engage with others in a social setting.

The result is that when I do manage to communicate, I appear as a simpleton when I am not talking about myself.


edit on 15-9-2014 by SystemResistor because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 15 2014 @ 02:23 AM
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I didn't read it all


So the way I solved this was by reidentifying myself in a way that includes both the social masks and the internal self.

I am the ability to recreate myself at will, to express myself as I choose, and to continuously integrate by remaining aware of that which allows myself to fragment off in the first place.

Sounds like a bunch of hooplah! I can say it many other ways. The words don't even really matter. It's a self-awareness and feeling along side it that allows me to be okay with fragmenting, because I realize we all do this, it's necessary, but also that in being aware and accepting, I will integrate at the same rate. It's a constant flow, and therefore, I don't get worn out doing it.

Accept yourself as behind the internal/external. You are whole!



posted on Sep, 15 2014 @ 02:32 AM
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a reply to: pl3bscheese

The obvious problem is that I come up with things to say, however, I do not deem them to be appropriate to express to others, when this happens, the other "me" speaks instead, and often speaks before "I" even have a chance to come up with something to say.

"He" is reflex whereas I need to be in my own "space" in order to communicate, and this space is only really available to me when I am on my own or when conversation is dry and I am able to come up with something - usually something about my own experiences, often irrelevant and too meaningful.

For instance, I would really love to talk about what I dream, however, this is a topic that is generally not received well.

"He" only really speaks when spoken to and any conversation is generally anecdotal.

Further, he talks in a completely different pitch and tone.
edit on 15-9-2014 by SystemResistor because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 15 2014 @ 02:41 AM
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Well from the buddhism that i have understood mixed with what I have understood. There is always the hintergedankin "thoughts in the back of your mind, (Alan watts) that all humans have.
That seems to be the self you feed with video games negative indulgent thought etc. That facet will never be indulged. Some have it as Gambling, sex, shopping, etc. All the vices. That vex mankind. I hear it too friend, my vices being symmetrical women, fine tequilas and fine art. The greater self the one connected to the (source) IE creator, god etc. Wants us to be free from want, free from desire always on that higher plane. Some call it code shifting, as a Gemini I find it easy to compartmentalize experience, relationships etc but many can't see that we all wear masks in life, come to grips with the masks you don, in a sober reality and at least at the very least you can decipher the code you live by.

Hope that helps friend as i have been in similar states.

Killeonidas



posted on Sep, 15 2014 @ 02:44 AM
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originally posted by: SystemResistor
a reply to: Mianeye

The problem is society, the inner "me" has spent too much time roasting in its own juices, and is simply not geared to engage with others in a social setting.



This I can totally relate to, and its common in the my community that when someone comes out that they lose some of their maturity just because that personality has yet to develop in a social setting.

Do you engage online as the inner personality?



posted on Sep, 15 2014 @ 02:48 AM
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a reply to: RifRAAF

I would say that I do, as an example, if you were to talk to me in person and ask the same question, you would get a totally different response to the responses that I type - a forum allows me to gather my thoughts, structure them into something coherent, and express them in writing.

This process takes me more than five seconds and generally I would not be able to speak in the manner that I can type. If I could however, I would be exactly the same on the inside as the outside.

When by myself, I can think and talk at the same time, I can ask myself questions, ponder them, and then come up with things to say to myself. When I talk to others generally I am placed on the spot, and my responses are more like reactions - they sound totally different to the voice that I hear when I am on my own.

"He" is someone that I have only really recently been able to observe from the point of view of those that receive him. As you can understand, It was a major blow to my ego, a complex, mature individual is seen as simple and naïve to the outside world, and perhaps even "special" and humoured as such.
edit on 15-9-2014 by SystemResistor because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 15 2014 @ 03:05 AM
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See, you still worry about what society thinks of you, that's your problem. You can't worry about what people will think or say about what you have to say. When you realize that you're the sh/t, what other people think doesn't matter at all. You gotta love yourself, and let it flow.

I used to be a super introvert that worried what everyone and anyone thought of me. My best friend told me something one day, "be who you are no matter what, look at the world around you, it's a joke, have fun and enjoy it". It changed my life.



posted on Sep, 15 2014 @ 03:14 AM
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Id say get into some sort of chatroom, that will bring out the inner self as you would in a forum, but also force you to engage in a more conversational dynamic.

Ive never used the chat on this site, but I use messanger heaps more than I use a phone to communicate with friends (but that is because I have PTSD and telepones give me anxiety).

Have you considered it mit be some sort of accute anxiety disorder? I'm not trying to lable you as anything, but if it is anxiety that is holding the inner you back then there are ways to counter that (with or without Dr Uggs).

Its against T&C (I think) for me to tell you what medication Im on for my anxiety, but I can tell you that breathing ex., murdas and meditation do ground me and help heaps. Google "mudras for anxiety" they are simple hand "yoga" that you can do in situations where meditation and breathing ex are not practical.



posted on Sep, 15 2014 @ 03:22 AM
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a reply to: RifRAAF

I would say that my reactions to others are the result of a kind of anxiety, it is a kind of fear, however, it is something that has been there for a long time, the main issue psychologically I believe is reinforcement. The self that has emerged to respond to others has developed in such a way that it has, and does gain favourable responses in comparison to the inner self that is often shunned when it garners the courage to express itself.

The problem is that, "I" have recognised the way in which "he" appears to others, and have also realised that "he" is generally what others see "me" as.

I can elaborate:

When the true self chooses to express itself, it falls prey to the opinions and reactions of others, when this true self has suffered too many unfavourable responses, it becomes detached from the external world - the world of things that people engage with - and develops a pattern of reaction that shelters it from being examined. Such "masks" are often there to protect the inner-self - for example, I have an incredibly complex mind, and I have a huge range of things to talk about, however, they are all personal and self-relevant, as I have attempted to speak of these things, they have resulted in rejection - and even a psychotic episode - and after trauma, I have closed my self off.

The result is that I sound simple-minded and defensive.


edit on 15-9-2014 by SystemResistor because: (no reason given)

edit on 15-9-2014 by SystemResistor because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 15 2014 @ 04:52 AM
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You sound similar to myself, in many ways.

I can write with very good clarity, and convey my messages well, but am unable to reach anywhere near my level of communication, when speaking.

Having said that, I too, am often ignored, and spoken over whilst attempting to converse, but here's the hitter, and this has only become apparent in recent years.

When people seek advice, opinion, or clarity, they all come to me, and hang on every word I say, and behind my back, I am regarded as a very knowledgeable person, but my social skills stink.

I believe it is how your brain is wired, call it autistic, eccentric, or just plain awkward, count yourself lucky that you are different.

With yourself, I see that you are judging yourself on your interpretation of normality. The others around you, most likely have a very different opinion of you than you do of yourself.

Being overly self critical is a burden that I still carry, but have managed to contain over the 50 plus years I have been around.

Let go a little, go with the flow and live your life, you may be pleasantly surprised by what others really think about you.

Peace.



posted on Sep, 15 2014 @ 05:18 AM
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There's different ways of looking at this experience, you could use the theory sstructure of different psychoanalysts or philosophers.

I am on my phone in a tree house, so I need to keep this short.

I find that when in the presence of others, my behavior and sense of self is highly influnced not only by my conditioned responses, but simply by the emotions, behaviors and intents of those around.
I cannot help it- even my biology is effected on deep levels out of my conscious control.

So that even if I behave in a way I would while alone, it is not any more authentic- because I would be denying and trying to repress that very real influence which is actually going on inside me!

I have found the way to integrate these selves is to cease trying to distinguish how I am in a static way. I am many things, many ways, constantly changing and often contradictory. I am powerful and vulnerable, wise and naive, couragious and fearful, cruel and kind, sociable and not.

In between all that is the present experience. The observer of both internal and external events. The reporter who is basically a neutral party, witness to it all and writing a record upon memory of what is.

Your description of this experience identifies "I" as first one part, and then another. That is you. The journalist, the mediator trying to make sense of a conflict. Trying to determine who is the "real" self, who is the bad guy and good guy. All relative though- in each context, one or the other will be more appropriate. If you can get past the conditioning (try a radical change of environment to jar your senses- visit a place far from your known experience) and try expression of the so-far- internal personality, you might find that there are individuals who would like and respond more favorably than you expect.

interacting with them more often could begin a change in conditioning- what I often call my programming. You can reprogram your body and mind so that other behaviors become automatic.

I would suggest that programming behaviors which integrate BOTH sides would be wiser than trying to choose one extreme over another. Being completely sef centered and interested only in your isolated pleasure will only end up creating an internal conflict with your social animal inside.

But that is just my opinion, based on my own experiences. Your milage may vary.

I feel pretty much content with the balance I have found now, but it was difficult at first to risk exposing my more powerful individual parts. It does turn some others off at first, but through experience I've observed they usually warm up after to it.

From one reporter to another- happy mediating!



posted on Sep, 15 2014 @ 09:09 AM
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a reply to: SystemResistor

Who cares about the different pitch and tone? I have many!

You don't feel comfy to be more non-reactive in social situations. That's the problem right there. You have to work on allowing yourself "space" no matter the external circumstances. Space is more about our level of comfyness, at least in my experience.

I have what I call a "bubble of awareness" that stays with me. No matter what the external circumstances, I allow myself to reshape the context towards my benefit, so as to remain calm, and beyond the in-the-moment stressors. I think you'd do best trying to develop this bubble. It's the same bubble that gives you a sense of self beyond internal/external and "real self" and social masks.

You are all of these in truth, and yet none of them by theirselves comes close to who you are in full. If you try to just be one or the other, you're just working against your potential. Find what area of your body centers you. I do visualization. At times in my life, it's been just below my belly button. Later on it was my heart. Now it's the front of my head. If I focus on this spot, I become well.



posted on Sep, 15 2014 @ 09:26 AM
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a reply to: SystemResistor

I do not think the self we are when we are alone is any different. There is no distinction between selves. There is no inner and outer self. No observer. No Resistor. It is still "him" pushing the keys. It is still "him" communicating and expressing himself.

Good thread.



posted on Sep, 15 2014 @ 12:17 PM
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originally posted by: SystemResistor
"Be yourself because you might find yourself by yourself, and that's no fun."

This revelation is new, and is the result of much contemplation about the way that I behave and the way that I communicate.

I would like to start by saying, that I talk to myself, "he" is the "personality" that is conveyed through ATS. However, if you were to talk to "me" in person, it is likely that you would not recognise it as being "Resistor" - he is a totally different person. I would not say that I have a multiple personality disorder, because, they do not switch on and off unexpectedly, rather, it is a deep issue that I have in communicating to others.

This post would fall under "psychology" in the philosophical sense.

The "me" that engages with others is sweet, polite, and generally, from what "I", Resistor has managed to discover, is even considered "special".

The first title here, is called "Reinforcement".

I find that "Resistor" is not reinforced in society, he is the "me" that exists in isolation to others, and when he does manage to "talk", every so often, he is often ignored. However, the other "me" - what I can call an "inner child" is treated like a pet - he is humoured, he is approachable, and many talk to "him" - it is clear that "he" is being engaged with, however, when he is spoken to, "my" state of mind changes - I become timid and my thoughts change, and I become transparent in the way that I convey myself, a naïve innocence. In the background is "me" and I can't stand it. The constant reinforcement of "him" and the isolation of "me", Resistor, has turned me into a recluse, a personality that only expresses itself when speaking to itself. "Resistor" I fear would be in trouble if he were to be the prime communicator because, "he" - the external communicator, is the one whom they engage with, and whom they even consider as a friend.

Choices and motivations:

There is another "key" here, because he has a different choice set to myself, his choice of words are used in conversation, and when "I" think of something to say I often don't, because, all "I" get is silence, and "he" is treated favourably. I really wonder if "he" were to be "deleted" - "I" could have had a totally different life, with choices that "I" made.

For example, "he" really likes computer games, and when I buy these for "him", playing them fuels his personality, so, I usually submit to "his" choices, and this, increases the energy given to him as an identity.

Dealing with "him":

I often feel agitated by others whom humour "him" - you can imagine, him being seen as a polite young man, a bit "special" and timid in disposition, and "me" behind the curtain, having to put up with the fact that "I" am perceived in a belittling way. When "I" do try to break through, "I" am ignored generally, and have to stay behind the curtain and deal with an external "self" that is the very last thing that I would want to appear as.

A question:

My question to you is, do you feel that the "self" that you are when you are alone, the "self" that you are when you talk to yourself, is different to the "self" that others perceive when you are out in society?

Do you often wish that this inner self, you, could break through completely and become the you that others see you as, regardless of social acceptance?


I completely understand where your coming from with this. As for me I have what I call the higher self and the lower self, and they are constantly at odds with each other. The higher self I would say is spiritual, intellectual, mostly devoid of emotion as it is cold and calculating in "it's" responses. My higher self also seeks knowledge and understanding above all other things.

The lower self is the part that I often have played in society, "it's" emotional, extroverted and always ready for a party somewhere. Also my lower self has gotten me into more trouble than I would like on many occasions mostly due to emotional responses, and the fact that I'm a natural born fighter..I don't back down from anyone or anything.

Over the years I've slowly integrated both of these aspects into my own personality and a large part of the success has been to not particularly care what society thinks of me. It's not ideal that I can assure you, I have only a few good friends (I could count them on one hand) and I have even fewer love interests these days, all because I choose to live primarily in the personality I have chosen.

The main reason I don't have many of the latter is that I view the majority of the world as ignorant, and devoid of my knowledge or time as they will, as in the past, do absolutely nothing constructive with it. Also I typically view emotions as something of a barrier to understanding certain things, not to say I'm devoid of a heart nor am I cruel but I choose to not indulge in them as to not pursue a cause that is not worth the time I have in this world.

Another aspect that helped me somewhat make better sense of it all was my own theory regarding duality in all things. To make it short form I believe all things have two equal values..good and evil for example, one cannot exist without the other and it is a basic building block of the universe/dimension we are living in. Also a astrology offers some insight into this with each person having two signs and not just one. I am both Leo and Aquarius, when I studied both signs I could find myself in both..often the higher self taking the form of Aquarius and lower self being Leo. I'm really rushing through this so if you would like me to go deeper into the subject please send me a message and I would be happy to delve deeper into my theory.



posted on Sep, 16 2014 @ 12:10 AM
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a reply to: threeeyesopen

In the context of duality, the inner-self is reflective, and communicates authentically, the outer-self is on the other side of the "mirror" and can be seen as its opposing reflection.

Often I can feel that I am behind the mirror, and the outer-reflection acts as a counter-balance, if it is a reflection, it could be the very opposite of what one would like others to see, representing a "desire" to convey ones personality, and thus is met with "suffering" in the form of a duality between the external and internal reflection.

I really wish that I could have some kind of device that allows me to see through the minds of others, that way I could get an accurate picture of how I am perceived, the only way that I have been able to observe how "he" appears is when "I" make the choice to listen to the way and manner in which I am spoken to when "he" is in the fore.

You could say that, previously, my "ego" saw others as being simple-minded, and saw itself as self-important, however, when I was able to think about it, I realised that this "me" rarely expressed itself, and they were reacting to "him" by talking down-to and humouring him.

Perhaps to express the real "me" would result in negative reactions, and for this reason I have a different reflection, trying to protect myself from negative responses has denied a part of "me" and as a result this denial has emerged in the expression of "him".

edit on 16-9-2014 by SystemResistor because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 16 2014 @ 12:30 AM
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a reply to: pl3bscheese

"He" sounds just like a child.

Being seen as a bit "special" is almost a nightmare for my "ego" and it was for that reason that I had not noticed it, I do now, and I feel stuck with a false reflection.

When I am on my own, I sound just like a regular man.



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