Living with Social Anxiety sucks

originally posted by: Lysergic
a reply to: Sparkymedic

I'd argue that psychedelics could cause a lot more damage than potential benefits.

I honestly believe Cognitive Behavioral Therapy would be superior.

Yes, you could argue that. You could argue many avenues of mental health treatment.

Like I said, they aren't for everyone. And to take them as a form of therapy should be done in a controlled setting at a high dosage. That said, CBT isn't always a shoe in for everyone either. Personally, I feel there are no experts in the mental health field. Just guessers and testers. The only experts tend to be the patients, as they are the ones who know their mind best. Unfortunately, that doesn't help anyone. All in all though, I have little faith in mainstream mental health. Based on my own experiences of working in the field.

a reply to: muse7

Don't know about other comments. But sounds like to me you're putting your body through some pain.

Easy don't go, stay home do what's easer for you.

I too live with social anxiety, its a horrible thing to live with and most people don't understand the condition it causes. I have had episodes so bad that it caused me to black out. I feel your inner pain, believe me... I have lived with this fear for more then 35 years; it never really goes away but it can get better.

It took many years to get somewhat of a control on this issue for me, it begin by stopping the doubting of myself and by facing the fear head on... I forced myself into positions where I had to socialize, even if it meant being embarrassed from time-to-time, I would be embarrassed because of not being able to express my point of view in a social conversation... I found the more I engaged in social activities the better I got at expressing myself... believe me, it's a long road to take by yourself and if I had to do it again I would seek physiological help. I not saying that as a joke either, that's from experiencing what a physiologist can actually do. I had the pleasure of meeting a good one hired by our work place, he is the one who actually broke the ice I was trapped in. "wish they would have kept him on the payroll"

Yep, I did a few shots of alcohol in my time and it works for the most part... but sometimes a few shots too many would ruin a good day... lol

originally posted by: RayVon
a reply to: muse7

Don't know about other comments. But sounds like to me you're putting your body through some pain.

Easy don't go, stay home do what's easer for you.

I agree to some point. Only do what you can without causing more pain, but it is worth pushing yourself when you are ready to. Do consider seeking help if your physical health is compromised.

originally posted by: muse7
a reply to: Kali74

I don't have friends. I had a few but they stopped talking to me unfortunately.

This is something that I'm used to dealing with. When my classes started a few weeks ago it was worse. I threw up every day and as I was walking to my classes I literally got sick to my stomach.

oh I am sorry to read this. I am a lot older than you...and the only thing that keeps me going is my sense of humour and I try to engage it as often as possible.

I am going to light some candles for you tonight...

hugs

a reply to: muse7

But you're doing it! If you pat yourself on the back for those accomplishments which seem tiny to most people but are huge to people like us... you will start to feel less anxious and more confident. It takes time and often this isn't something that be overcome but managed. I'm in the managing phase and sounds like you are too, keep it up!

a reply to: muse7

I have a heavy dose of of PTSD,social anxiety comes with it. Here are a few tips to help you out
Tap a finger on your knee repeatedly when you're sitting with your family, it sounds stupid but it helps.

When your heart rate starts to go crazy, control your breathing, keep it slow and deep.

sit with your back to a wall or anywhere that people won't be tempted to walk behind you.

Sunglasses. Think of them as invisibility glasses. they might help you out but you have to give it a chance.

Water or tea. take a small sip while you feel anxious. That helps for some people.

If anxiety starts getting the better of you let your family know that you need a minute then retreat to a comfort zone until you are calm again and when you're ready, rejoin your family.

No one is perfect. We all have our flaws and faults. Other people put their underwear on the same way as you. LOL Nothing makes them more important than you. Don't worry about saying or doing the right thing. Be brave and be yourself and try to calm down.

I've dealt with the public most of my life and I was good at it. I'm tired of it now. I don't know why I was so social. My wife hated that I could strike up a conversation with every stranger I met. Very few times did the people try to ignore me and give me a cold shoulder. I can still do that but my desire now is to stay home and have a more stressless life. I loved stress before, I ate it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

For a while I felt distraught because of the change but now I accept it as the new me. It isn't actually an illness at all, I have a right to be less social. One thing I learned from being social is how people think. Many of those who are social believe that being private is a problem. It is not a problem unless you let it be. I am not becoming more recluse because I feel inferior to anyone.

I do not feel damaged even though I have health issues that are said to be hereditary. I am a little paranoid of doctors trying to tell me I am not healthy when I am feeling good while saying I am healthy when I feel like crap. I may be different than normal people because of these special circumstances but I am not going to let them tell me I am inferior because of these problems. I have seen them treat my relatives and grind their health down to a weakened state because they did not understand that the doctor was using evidence that did not apply to make his recommendations.

Now, I am not trying to be superior, the doctors are doing what they are taught to do. I just have a lot of information of our family history because all along I asked my relatives questions about their health and had an interest in health. It just took me this long to get the time to research everything.

To the OP. Try adjusting your diet to back when you felt more social. Look at what your relatives eat at that function. People who avoid foods because they are said to be bad sometimes have issues, food is more than just one or two chemicals. Also eating something for health benefits can cause problems, sometimes we do not have the enzymes to process the nutrients or the toxins completely in these foods. Ask your relatives that are normal and ask any that aren't acting right what they like. You can learn from other people's mistakes also, remember that. Test this on yourself with help from family members. Now everyone is a little different, I can't eat everything my brother does, but I do eat many of the things he does. I get hangovers easily, he can drink without getting one. I have a shortage of an enzyme. All food has psychotropic qualities, some are stronger than others. Very few people actually need medicines.

But here is the important part, if you don't do what is needed to fix the problem, you do need the medicines. Only you can find the answers you seek.

a reply to: muse7

Practice your body language. Assume more aggressive stances to increase confidence. Inflate rather than deflate your chest and shoulders. The hormones are stimulated immediately. Confidence occurs on the bodily level, and the mind will follow.

Culture yourself; that is, become interesting. Small talk is no longer small-talk when vocabulary is broadened by experience. Read and write. Find your voice.

I know this struggle very well. Let me tell you, knowing people who have anxiety and are willing to talk about it is the best thing that ever happened to me. That could be found here, at another anxiety forum, or in a chat room. I know what helps me the most is knowing that other people... a LOT of other people... deal with it in some way/shape/form/degree. The trick is really taking the power out of the anxiety and for that you have to blow it wide out in the open and when it's bad, you have to have people that you trust.

a reply to: muse7

Unchallenged thoughts leads to fear.
Unchallenged fears leads to anxiety.

By unchallenged I mean, thoughts which have not been verified to be true yet they are still believed (kind of like religion). In other words, fear is an illusion. It is made up, and has nothing to do with the reality. In fact, reality is ALWAYS gentler than our imagination.

How to prove it? By challenging it, questioning its authenticity. Write down every fear-related statement you currently believe is happening or will happen, be PICKY, don't neglect any fears even if you think they are too small or too stupid and ask after each and every statement - is it true? Repeat the question a few times "for a better result". It is a very simply tool yet very efficient, the truth is more powerful than the imagination of it.

a reply to: [post=18413968]muse7[/postI know exactly where you are coming from. Its never easy but if you force yourself into on a regular basis it gets easier. That being said if you stop for a while it gets harder lol. I was in AA for a while and it was really hard dealing with groups of random people everyday, but it got easier and easier over time. I quit AA after a while and just spend most of my time with my family, it is hard for me to be in groups outside of work again. At least I know now that regular exposure can help if I ever decide to be a social person again.

a reply to: muse7

Dear Muse - so many awesome suggestions on here for you. My heart breaks for you. You're young and should be enjoying your young life and having fun.

I completely understand what you're going through. I was so shy and terrified of interacting with people as I grew up. I never uttered a word in my elementary early years. I started to open up and realized nothing happened as a result. It empowered me. Then high school started. It wasn't until I moved out of home did I come out of my shell. However I will go out of my way to cross a street with waiting cars, I will shop early in the morning and I cannot stand family get togethers. I love people and I adore my family but it take so much energy. I go home absolutely drained.

I had to laugh when you said you wish people that interact with you would go away. I am the same way. I can be with someone I haven't seen in years and after half an hour I'm done. I still love them with all my heart but it is like I am putting on a play. There are times when I find I am relaxed and can be myself and I have a wonderful time.

I have used most of the tricks that everyone on this post have suggested. They really do help.

I am 49 now and I have really backed off on making myself feel obligated to be at every family event. Or if I just can't handle it I just leave early and I no longer feel guilty.

I think other than suggesting the tricks that have been recommended just be yourself but be careful not to let this control you. Remember YOU are the one that is in control. An emotion is simply that - an emotion, or a feeling. It's not always reality. When I have to be somewhere and I feel like I can't handle it I do the calm breathing and tell that inner voice of fear and worry to shut up. It actually does help. There's nothing wrong with you. In fact it would probably shock you how many seemingly outgoing people feel exactly the same way - they are just great at hiding it. You're totally fine.

Please check out Holy Basil by Natural Chapters. It is a natural herb and safe to use. Take a pill before you leave and you will be amazed at how much it helps. I have used it and my daughter has used it (she is 14). It makes you feel calm and at peace. It works practically instantly. You might check out Nervoheel as well. And read up on L-Tyrosine.

You're not alone. Ever. And we're all here to chat with if need be. I have tons of online friends that I babble away with and we can write pages and pages of inner deep thoughts, yet when we meet face to face we sit there and stare at each other, ha, ha. Hugs young friend.

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overcomingyouranxiety.net...

I know exactly how you feel. I think sometimes, that some people just aren't made for the crowded modern world. I never want to live in a big city. Last time I was in Chicago, taking the L train was dreadful! It was always packed with people, and it almost impossible to not interact with someone, whilst 10 or more strangers stare, or at least that's how it felt.

I'm not going to tell you to just ignore it, I know that doesn't work. What might though, is working out (if you don't already) + Zinc (helps raise testosterone). It gives you more confidence in yourself and to deal with the anxiety. Just keep in mind that working out is a very slow process, setting expectations too high and failing to achieve them can backfire and make things worse.

Also, a shot or two to take the edge off before a social event (assuming you aren't driving) never hurt anyone.

I am like you and was perscribed buspirone and xanax, the xanax made me feel like I wanted to kill myself so I stopped taking it. The buspirone so far, I cannot tell much difference. The only way I can get over my social anx is to drink, which in turn causes more problems.
Firepiston.

I don't recommend drinking to take the edge off unless you know 100% that you don't have a problem with alcohol. If you need to take something you should be talking to a doctor.

originally posted by: Kali74
I don't recommend drinking to take the edge off unless you know 100% that you don't have a problem with alcohol. If you need to take something you should be talking to a doctor.

I didn't get my buspirone and zanax from some street dealer..... Guess who gave to me? Yes a doctor.
Fire

I can never understand why more people have not heard of EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique, developed by Gary Craig. It is mainly for anxiety and fears and works well for that. It can be applied by ourselves via DIY and is safe and effective.

Often EFT practitioners offer a 15-30 minute free starter session and this might be all you need to start yourself on the road to recovery. Certainly, some pretty powerful problems have been sorted out in a short time with this modality.

EFT works on the princple of meridians or body energy lines which have been used by the Chinese for thousands of years in their acupuncture and Traditional Chinese Medicine system. All you do is do a few rounds of tap on some points and say a statement - how much simpler could it get?

If you think "How could something so simple beneficially effect my huge problem?" then I would suggest you keep an open mind (since you dont HAVE to pay anything for EFT) and give it a try.

How to proceed.
Specifically define your most urgent and severe issue. Then start with subjectively marking your problem on a scale of 0 - 10 with 10 being the most severe. Then do the tapping and evaluate the problem again. Often it reduces from a 8 or 9 to a 4 or 5. Then do more on other issues which are (now) more severe and gradually over the course of some minutes, things will probably get better.

PM me if you have questions.
Good luck.

Couple of links to help
Link 1 - emofree.com
Link 2 EFT Universe

I dont much care for some people and i dislike social conformity for the sake of showing my face at events, however its one of those those things you have to do. I just dont think about it, i take a deep breath and i get on with it, i dont like it, but to quote a cartoon "smile and wave boys, just smile and wave".

Its a few hours out of a peaceful life that affords you many benefits by playing along.

I prefer nothing more than being left to my own devices, i do not dwell on the dislike or uncomfortable feeling of turning up to social events im expected at. Its just a thing to do in my diary, turn up, smile, shake hands, laugh at bad jokes, stay until somone else leaves first and then make my escape. Just dont think about it before hand, it'll be over soon enough and you are once again free to do as you please with or without people.

Sometimes i simply cant wait to leave a social event or activity, but i wait till im there to dwell on it, not before, that will drive you/(me) insane. Think about the relief you will feel when you can leave without being rude, not the unpleasantness you might feel before you are even there, heck on some occasions somthing i think that might be bad, turns out to be fun.