I have serious tendencies towards isolating myself. I feel like it's in my genes, just a fundamental part of who I am. I know some of my family is/was
like this as well. I have always considered the most important time I have to be the time I have alone. It's always seemed sort of like the only
'real' time, everything else is stuff I do because I'm supposed to, and then I go home, where I'm by myself, and that's 'real.' For one thing, I just
enjoy the freedom, the comfort. My friends in high school didn't understand how sometimes I just didn't want to do anything. I would rather not make
up excuses, and the fact is sometimes, a significant amount of the time, I just don't want to do anything. It has absolutely nothing to do with
anyone, and it wouldn't matter what it is, I just would like to be home.
I moved across the country after high school. It was difficult making friends without being in school. This allowed me to sort of idealize a social
life, using it as an 'excuse' for why I was alone, as if it were not what I wanted. But as time went on, I have made some friends. But still, what I
really like to do is be home, alone. I do things occasionally with friends, and it's fine, I have a good enough time. But still, it feels like
something I'm 'supposed' to do, then I get that done and get to go home.
It's not that I'm some cold person. In fact, I am extremely empathetic. I tend to see very deeply into who people are, and feel a strong connection.
So, with that there is certainly potential to get very close to me. And, it would be nice to have a few people who I truly, genuinely, deeply
connected with. But as it is, I just tend to feel how I described. I sometimes wonder whether this tendency will just further my isolation. But my
inner response to that is oh well, I like being by myself. I'm certainly open to, like the idea of, real genuine connection with another, and I sort
of feel like real connection like that will just happen when it is meant to. But yea, are there others out there who have this tendency to isolate
themselves? Who enjoy being alone? Thoughts?
edit on 24-8-2014 by TheJourney because: (no reason given)