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Tell me your favorite joke!

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posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:25 AM
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Hey everyone,
I know that ATS can sometimes only be serious business. It is nice to take a break from all the bad news, conspiracies, and drama every once in awhile and to share a good laugh. So with that said, tell me your favorite joke(s)!


Here are a few simple ones I like:

- Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

- Did you hear about the two antennas that were married? The wedding was okay but the reception was perfect!

- What do you get when two snare drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff? A: Ba Dum Tssssh

- How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb? A: A Brazilian

- What do you call a cow with no legs? A: Ground Beef

I hope everyone can run with the idea and we can laugh at jokes we have never heard before. Thanks everyone!




posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:28 AM
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My favorites would get me banned. LOLa reply to: imnotanother



posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:31 AM
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Ok I can do a one liner. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Bob. The same guy on your living room wall? Art.



posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:33 AM
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a reply to: imnotanother

The one from deperados...

when tarantino is in the bar and tells the joke and his friend gets annihilated lol! only funny when in Mexico!



posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:33 AM
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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.. This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.



posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:36 AM
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What did the homeless child get for Christmas?

. . . nothing.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

.



I would go on, but I'd be pushing it . . .




a reply to: imnotanother



posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:38 AM
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This one I'm totally ashamed of.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing. She's already been told twice. I know I know...

This one is a little dirty but not offensive. A couple is going to have sex for the first time. The guy takes off his shoes and socks and his lady notices he had no toes. She says what's up and he say...when I was a kid I had tomain poisoning. Oh she say. Ok
Then he takes off his pants and his knees are messed up. She says what's up with those knees? He say ...when I was a kid I had pneumonia ( knee monia) . She looks at him with a curious tilt of her head and she says... before we go any further...did you ever have prickly heat?



posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:40 AM
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I'm not the only sick puppy in the litter.a reply to: denybedoomed



posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:41 AM
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What do you get when you crass the Atlantic with the Titanic?
Halfway!



posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:41 AM
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Excellent !!!


a reply to: imnotanother


edit on AM000000310000000883144312014-08-01T11:44:08-05:00 by AutumnWitch657 because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:43 AM
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Why were the hills at clusters last stand covered in white?



posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:44 AM
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I don't know. Why were the hills at Custers last stand covered in white?

a reply to: denybedoomed


edit on AMu31u0883145312014-08-01T11:45:35-05:00 by AutumnWitch657 because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:45 AM
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What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on the doorstep? Matt

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a tiger cage? Claude

What do you call a girl with no arms and legs in a river? Flo


a reply to: AutumnWitch657



posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:46 AM
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Poor taste is just poor taste no matter who spouts it huh? LOL.

That same guy at a baseball game? First base... I know I'm ill.
Help me.....a reply to: lindalinda


edit on AMu31u0883147312014-08-01T11:47:43-05:00 by AutumnWitch657 because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:46 AM
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- A solider who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran.

- I stayed up all night long to see where the sun went, then it dawned on me.

- I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down!

- Energizer Bunny Arrested: Charged with battery.

- How do you make holy water? Boil the Hell out of it

- When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

- Broken pencils are pointless.



posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:47 AM
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a reply to: AutumnWitch657

A man arrived at work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened. The man said, "I was standing next to this incredibly beautiful brunette at the crosswalk. Before the crossing light changed, I noticed her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."

"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.

"Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out ... so I put it back."



posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:48 AM
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I laughed harder with every line I read. a reply to: imnotanother



posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:49 AM
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Ok that scent. I just peed a little bit. a reply to: Snarl


edit on AM000000310000000883153312014-08-01T11:53:41-05:00 by AutumnWitch657 because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:50 AM
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Double post
edit on AMu31u0883153312014-08-01T11:53:08-05:00 by AutumnWitch657 because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 1 2014 @ 11:53 AM
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One of the funniest jokes I've heard:

Two guys are out in the woods hunting when one of them falls to the ground. His eyes are rolled back in his head and he doesn't appear to be breathing.
His buddy takes out his cell phone and immediately calls 911. Gasping, he says to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
"Take it easy and calm down," the operator says in a calm voice. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There's silence and then a shot is heard. The guy comes back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"




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