Person Who Will Embalm You Walking Around Out There

Here is my cynical thought of the day, brought to us by The Onion.

Explaining that this will be the person who one day undresses your corpse on a flat, disinfected slab before injecting your arteries with a formaldehyde-based solution, sources confirmed Tuesday that the individual who will embalm your dead body is currently walking around out there somewhere. According to accounts, the person who will expertly contort your nude cadaver into a resting position and massage rigor mortis out of your muscles is in existence some place in the world and is engaged in everyday human activities not at all unfamiliar to you, and may, at this very moment, be enjoying a walk in a park, folding laundry, or arguing with a spouse.

Source

This is one of those things that are self evident and obvious when you stop and think about it, but probably wish you hadn't once you actually do stop to think.

Imagine, we could be standing beside the person who will fill this role when we go shopping next time. It could be the guy behind us n traffic or the person we get mad at after holding something up by stupid questions. I guess it's fair to say we just never know.

Not necessarily. Suppose I die at 88. I am 57 now. Now suppose that my mortition is only 25 when they get me on the slab. That person won't be born for another six years. Bad logic on the part of the onion. s reply to: MrCynic

a reply to: AutumnWitch657

You do understand this is 100% satire, in the joke forum and intended to illicit a laugh or at least a smirk. I don't believe the Onion intends their material to be the subject of examination by logical process. It would fail on every story, every time, since none of them are meant to carry logic as more than part of a punch line.

It wouldn't be humor anymore.

I was the guy removing the organs from your uncles dead body if his family agreed to an autopsy. I did it as a twenty year old college intern for free!

It was after that ghoulish experience that I swore nobody in my family would ever get an autopsy if I had any say in it.

At least the morticians appear to have some respect for the dead. In the morgue there was s certain dark humor that turned me off and influenced my decision not to go to med school. We literally butchered the cadavres with power tools and beautifully sharp scalpels.

a reply to: mcChoodles

I have wondered how much of that black humor goes on in the morgue.

A family member of mine who had seen some of that demanded with force that he never be autopsied no matter how he died. I never understood it because he hadn't been willing to explain. The demand was just absolute and written into his papers. Your description gives a bit of perspective. Thanks!

I guess my first thread attempt needs work though. Back to the chalk board with me.

I do realize that. Although I don't really see the funny in it. What's funny about thinking about the person who's going to embalm you walking around out there. And for that matter what's wrong with me pointing out that the author is not only not funny but wrong in the logic they assumed would get a laugh.? I have a pretty good sense of humor too. So it's not me. reply to: MrCynic