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Danger Sex--- Or rather just danger...

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posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 10:55 AM
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Sorry folks, nothing naughty in this thread.

But even I have to admit it was funny as hell--- today--- not so much last night....

So there I was getting into bed with my wife... getting all lovely-dovey and she wasn't pushing me away if you know what I mean?

Well just as things start getting interesting--- The damn cat picks that very moment to hop up my butt and sinking her long sharp claws into to my tender-bits to do the kneading thing...

Naturally I come flying off the bed... Put my foot right down on top of my youngest daughters "Barbie Fun Bus"
I always new there was a reason I hated Barbie!

Now I'm flying backwards, arms wind-milling--- I manage to turn and catch myself on the nightstand--- with my forehead.

Then I'm sitting in the ER, holding a bloody washrag to the cut above my left eyebrow and trying to explain to the nurse lady how it happened, without going into embarrassing detail. of course seeing my face go all red just makes my wife laugh all the harder.

I got 4 stiches BTW...

The moral of this tale...

Sex is dangerous man...!!!!
Esp if you got a cat...!!!!




posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 10:59 AM
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a reply to: HardCorps



The damn cat


There you go.

Damn CATS!

ETA: You are lucky you didn't get tuberculosis!
edit on bu312014-07-21T10:59:50-05:0010America/ChicagoMon, 21 Jul 2014 10:59:50 -050010u14 by butcherguy because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 10:59 AM
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a reply to: HardCorps

I clicked on here thinking it would be about the dangers of unprotected sex with prostitutes.

Funny story, the good part is you didn't land on "it"



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 11:00 AM
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a reply to: HardCorps

Wait a sec ... where did those claws sink in? And you're talking about 4 stitches on your forehead. What?? LOL



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 11:05 AM
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a reply to: Snarl

I could show you where...
but then you'd have to marry me... winks


Naw I got the stiches on my brow ridge just over my left eye



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 11:12 AM
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Geez man.
You forgot the most important rule of bedtime. Always shut the door, with the animals on the other side.

We learned that, but with dogs. LOL. Nosy buggers! LOL


Sorry about the stitches though!
edit on 21-7-2014 by chiefsmom because: addition



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 11:13 AM
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a reply to: HardCorps

Oh my gawd, I don't think I ever read anything so funny in my life as this butt.....

this is ATS so I will have to say this:

(censored!) Pics or it didn't happen!

Just kidding and lmfao.

As an aside, coud your wife see the funny side of it?




posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 11:14 AM
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a reply to: chiefsmom

yup... a cold wet nose right on the 'Tookus'
Is a total mood killer...



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 11:16 AM
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a reply to: HardCorps

The scar'll add character.

I'm waiting for you to 'hook-up' with butcherguy over the cat thing. You've got vacant space in your profile block. -grin-




posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 11:17 AM
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originally posted by: LightSpeedDriver
a reply to: HardCorps



As an aside, coud your wife see the funny side of it?



Worse than that... My wife works at that hospital and she's buddies with all the staff there...
So while I'm getting fixed up and can hear her and her friends out in the hall laughing it up!
the ladies got no mercy when it come to betraying a mans dignity, or lack of...

If I have a heart attack I want them to take me to a different hospital man...
edit on 21-7-2014 by HardCorps because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 11:18 AM
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a reply to: HardCorps

Heh...

Once I was with a lady who had a cat. The daft bugger (the cat), liked to pounce on people's feet. Therefore, when I was... otherwise occupied, the cat would leap onto, and attack my feet, and/or the feet of her lady owner. It made for some entertaining evenings, but we usually knew when we had a good night, not by whether or not we had lacerations to our lower quarters, but whether we had noticed them at the time, or only realised the day after!



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 11:21 AM
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a reply to: HardCorps
Brother, now I truly feel your pain!

(Although I must confess to sitting here with an even bigger smile on my face than when I first read your thread...)

/walks off to slap himself hard.

My apologies!

edit on 21/7/14 by LightSpeedDriver because: Typo

edit on 21/7/14 by LightSpeedDriver because: Typo 2 (sorry, the laughter is ongoing and clouds my typing)



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 11:23 AM
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pics or it didn't happen! .....of the barbie bus that is...

great story mate.



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 11:33 AM
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originally posted by: rockpaperhammock
pics or it didn't happen! .....of the barbie bus that is...

great story mate.


Don't remind me about the damn 'Barbie' bus...

as soon as I got back home there's my little seven year old big old alligator tears in her eyes
all because her daddy broke her toy...

So now I got to go buy her a new one...Despite the fact that if she'd put it away like she was suppose too....
oh my god I'm turning into my mother AHAAAAAA....



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 11:43 AM
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a reply to: HardCorps

teach the cat never to be on the kitchen table. Once that is done, you know at least one place you can have some peace.(piece)



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 12:21 PM
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a reply to: HardCorps

OMG that is tooo funny! Sounds like a scene written by Tom Sharpe (of Wilt and Porterhouse Blue fame)

Is this a good time to say 'pics or it didn't happen'? ;P

Thanks for sharing and hope you feel better soon



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 12:33 PM
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a reply to: HardCorps

There is a show on TV for guys like you, the wife watches it. "Sex sent me to the ER"

Last night could have been your episode.



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 12:51 PM
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If the founders could see what was going on today they would not only be spinning in their graves but the breeze could be felt coast to coast.


Maybe they do.
Good luck with your stitches.



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 12:59 PM
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a reply to: HardCorps

The wife has two cats, at night while I am laying on my back under the covers, one of the cats will jump up on the bed, land on my groin and start kneading through the covers.

I thought maybe she had one trained for remote foreplay LOL.

Cheers - Dave



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 01:39 PM
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I think what freaked me out more is the cut to the eyebrow. I have two scars there. O.o




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