What Patriarchy?

a reply to: InTheLight

Sounds like a veiled insult. Please, if you have an opinion, contribute to the discussion.

originally posted by: InTheLight
...with 1/2-1/3 of fathers choosing to never see, or rarely, see their children after a divorce...

What do you think the factors are leading to this (highly questionable) statistic?

Have you removed from those statistics the situations where not even the mother is sure who the father is? Compared the difference between different economic groups? Removed the ones where the mother has made it clear she doesn't *want* the father around or makes it a miserable experience to even try to get close? Also the ones where the child has been turned against the father? Oh... also don't forget the ones who just leave the father and never tell him she was pregnant. Also the ones who specifically got pregnant to be on TV, collect bigger welfare checks, or secretly skipped birth control to force the guy to marry her or at least support her? Don't leave out the ones that got pregnant in a one night stand and don't want him around because he's a "loser"? (true story)

Don't forget to remove the ones where the father decided that due to the problems between him and his ex-wife... he decided to sacrifice his relationship with the child to prevent them from experiencing the toxic situation and resigns himself to just sending money hoping to connect when the child is old enough to understand the complexities. There are also the ones where the "new man" tries to intimidate away the real father... often to the satisfaction of the mother. Or family members/friends tell the father he's not welcome even though it was the mother that went a bit "nuts"? Don't worry dude... move along... we never liked you and family will make sure she's ok.

Have you added genuine respect (not token socially expected respect) for all the fathers who do continue to make the effort despite one or more of the factors above making their life hell? Who did it in that magnificent window called every other weekend visitation "rights" and working two jobs to cover child support?

No... it's not about blame mother. It's about the children of those divorces finally being old enough to stand up and say that mother is sometimes full of # and father isn't always such a demon. Usually both were too young and unprepared in the first place. Those kids are now older than their parents were when they had the kid and can see what was really going on.

It makes them more understandable in hindsight... but also means the kids aren't falling for the stories that the parents told their kids to "protect" them. AKA taught their kids how to lie if you will look bad if you tell the truth and think the other person is too stupid/young to know better.

originally posted by: LesMisanthrope
a reply to: InTheLight

Sounds like a veiled insult. Please, if you have an opinion, contribute to the discussion.

Strange that you would read it that way, anyway, it is not an insult as I too am very opinionated. Actually, so far I have contributed more to the discussion that you...it's your turn.

originally posted by: GetOutOfMyLight

originally posted by: InTheLight
...with 1/2-1/3 of fathers choosing to never see, or rarely, see their children after a divorce...

What do you think the factors are leading to this (highly questionable) statistic?

Have you removed from those statistics the situations where not even the mother is sure who the father is? Compared the difference between different economic groups? Removed the ones where the mother has made it clear she doesn't *want* the father around or makes it a miserable experience to even try to get close? Also the ones where the child has been turned against the father? Oh... also don't forget the ones who just leave the father and never tell him she was pregnant. Also the ones who specifically got pregnant to be on TV, collect bigger welfare checks, or secretly skipped birth control to force the guy to marry her or at least support her? Don't leave out the ones that got pregnant in a one night stand and don't want him around because he's a "loser"? (true story)

Don't forget to remove the ones where the father decided that due to the problems between him and his ex-wife... he decided to sacrifice his relationship with the child to prevent them from experiencing the toxic situation and resigns himself to just sending money hoping to connect when the child is old enough to understand the complexities. There are also the ones where the "new man" tries to intimidate away the real father... often to the satisfaction of the mother. Or family members/friends tell the father he's not welcome even though it was the mother that went a bit "nuts"? Don't worry dude... move along... we never liked you and family will make sure she's ok.

Have you added genuine respect (not token socially expected respect) for all the fathers who do continue to make the effort despite one or more of the factors above making their life hell? Who did it in that magnificent window called every other weekend visitation "rights" and working two jobs to cover child support?

No... it's not about blame mother. It's about the children of those divorces finally being old enough to stand up and say that mother is sometimes full of # and father isn't always such a demon. Usually both were too young and unprepared in the first place. Those kids are now older than their parents were when they had the kid and can see what was really going on.

It makes them more understandable in hindsight... but also means the kids aren't falling for the stories that the parents told their kids to "protect" them. AKA taught their kids how to lie if you will look bad if you tell the truth and think the other person is too stupid/young to know better.

Remember the saying "Where there's a will, there's a way"? Well, in my book, that excuse for abandoning one's children altogether does not hold water because legal recourse is at hand in the form of a third party pickup/dropoff supervised locations.

www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca...

a reply to: InTheLight
Oh come on. I could argue your case better than that.

Where there is a will there is a way, eh? That's an interesting corner to paint yourself into.