What I'm getting from that is your wife is feeling very defensive and attacked and so she is attacking you back as a means of self-protection.
I can see how she would feel "picked on" by the WAY you said what you said. You are upset, I understand, that you have to spend hours hunting down
an escaped dog - I totally get that. I'm guessing she 1) feels bad about it, 2) is angry you are calling her incompetent and, 3) angry about the dog
situation in general.
First, if this is a repeated thing, then I would say look to a solution other than expecting your wife to deal with it the way it is, followed by
berating her for not doing it the way you want, calling her stupid (yes, you did that) for letting the dog "outsmart her" and then both of you end
Use "I" statements (not accusations and blame - that will get you the iron curtain and for good reason) and offer to help her figure out how to
solve the problem of the dog escaping by looking at it from a "systems" perspective, not a blame perspective. So, here is an example:
"Honey, I get so frustrated when the dog escapes because I have to go look for him and chase him down. Can you help me figure out a way that he's
easier to handle for you? What can we do to solve this? How can we work this out so he's less hassle for you and I don't have to go and chase
him... (a win-win!!)
Then enlist her and yourself in a brainstorming session, to identify if there is a possible solution. Does the dog know how to open your door (some
dogs do!) and if so change the handle type so that he can't. Do you have the $$ to invest in an electric fence to keep him from running off once
he's out of the house? Or a regular fence? Is there a better way to contain the dog than just the door? A kid-fence? I obviously have no idea,
because I don't know you, your house, or your dog, BUT you get the idea. The conversation has shifted from "oh yeah, well you mess up too you
know!!!" to "how can we make this work for BOTH of us?"
It sounds like you could help her feel taken care of, and take care of a problem for yourself in one effort... Could be VERY worth it!