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You're Never Alone

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posted on Jul, 2 2014 @ 02:44 PM
First off I want to say some of you here have seen my posts and know that I am not what you consider a great poster. I am not good at writing in general, and have trouble putting thoughts into words. This is why I have not that many posts. I apologize if this post seems illiterate or dry. I am also writing this on a tablet that I am still getting used to working.

We see so many stories now on the news and in the papers about people who either attempt or commit suicide. Some say it is more prevalent now, and others say it has always been an occurrence. I know many people have different views on suicide, many of which came to be from personal experience. Some people feel sorry and try to help these people in their low points, and some people choose to turn away and say its your decision. Either way I feel we need to do more as a society to try and help people who feel this low. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Anywho, this is my story.

After 911, some time had passed. I decided to join the Marines. I had moved around quite a bit as a young child, so I never had the close friendships and stuff that alot of people do. I figured the military would give me a good sense of purpose as well as family. I ended up doing 3 tours altogether overseas. Many people in war never have to take a life, but others do. When I came home for good I faced alot of inner turmoil. It caused my relationship at the time to suffer. I suffer from ptsd and depression mainly because of my time overseas. I could still see peoples faces and to this day I still can remember every second before, during, and after the time I had to pull the trigger. I am me, and I made every decision on my own, but each decision came with a lifetime of consequence.

To speed up the time....I arrived at home and didnt get any help worth a flip from any organization. I had changed as a person and became someone I wasn't. I had turned into something I can only really describe as maybe a monster? My relationship went south because I was a different person. My anger was out of control, and I was so down all the time. I would sleep maybe 2 hours at a time and any time I attempted to get good sleep I woke up from nightmares. This went on for some time and I finally turned to alcohol to dull the pain. I ended up being addicted to alcohol and turned to it in my time of need. This culminated into a whirlwind of problems which led me to my breaking point.

One night I was drinking as usual, and I came to my breaking point. I loaded my handgun, chambered a round, placed it to my temple and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. At that point something changed. I cant really describe it, but immediately I was filled with emotions from everywhere. I dont know why my pistol didnt discharge to this day, but because it didnt, I got a second chance at life. A second chance that most people never get. I went to the emergency room the next day and got some help. They hooked me up with a good therapist. I also called my father and told him he needed to hold on to my guns because I didnt need them around. Not because I would harm someone else, but because of fear of what I would do to myself.

Fast forward....

A few years later I have relapsed a few times but I still continue to remain sober. I received alot of good help and im able to live with myself. I went back to school and became a Paramedic here. It gives me a real opportunity to try and help others who suffer the same lows that I did. Every now and then you get a call and run a suicide and it does really bother me. It kills me. It rehashes everything I dealt with. It kills me because these are mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, and they didnt get a second chance. No matter what you go through there is always light somewhere. Sometimes its extremely hard to find, and nearly impossible to find alone. I have a great deal of pain and love for these people and wish there was something more I could do. Its a huge problem we face everyday. Joeblow on the street usually isnt going to go into every personal issue he is going through, so its very hard to help these people.

Thats really all I got. I lost my grandfather last night and this rehashed alot of emotions. Not like before, but your typical sadness. I just wanted to reach out to some people and I guess more or less try and give a little insight into the mind of someone who has attempted this. Maybe we can help more people in some way. Many people on this very website helped me tremendously. Lost Viking, Mike, Slayer, Neo.... a major shout out to all the support you guys gave.

posted on Jul, 2 2014 @ 02:53 PM
a reply to: LoverBoy


I think you've expressed your thoughts rather well actually... Perhaps you might consider posting more

Theres not a lot i can say on this topic... The simple fact is, it wasn't your time...

You're here today for a reason, just like everything else in this life... there are lessons behind everything

Coming from my personal beliefs, suicide isn't a solution to anything... You'll just be tossed back into the physical, worse off then when you left...

Stay strong... Open your heart and love with all of it...

And remember the title of this thread.... Always

posted on Jul, 2 2014 @ 02:58 PM
a reply to: Akragon

Thank you! I just wanted to shed some light on something so dark. You see it everywhere, here, at home, on tv. People treat these people like scum. Its a shame really. I was hoping to maybe give insight to how they may be thinking or feeling. We dont know what these people are going through, or the hell they are living. Not everyone deals with things the same way. I guess my hope is that maybe this could help someone else. If anyone needs to talk im always here.

posted on Jul, 2 2014 @ 03:05 PM
a reply to: LoverBoy

Actually we've lost a few friends to this issue over the years...

A dear friend of my made this video as a tribute to one of them

posted on Jul, 2 2014 @ 03:13 PM
a reply to: Akragon

Wow, that is a beautiful yet sobering video. I'm very sorry for the loss. Another life taken that could have been spared possibly.

posted on Jul, 3 2014 @ 12:06 AM
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your Grandfather and what you have been through over the years. Life is difficult for many of us here and you are right...we are never alone. We have our ATS family by our sides and what a wonderful family that is! HUGS to you!

posted on Jul, 3 2014 @ 03:42 AM
Fantastic thread! Thanks for sharing. Star and flag!

I hope your story helps others that are on the brink of snapping.

FYI: If I was you, I would be careful about talking about guns and suicide on the internet. If anyone stated they had attempted to commit suicide with their own gun and the government gets wind of this - they will break down your door and confiscate all of your weapons, arrest you and then stick you in a rubber room for evaluation. And if you have a dog, when they kick in the door the first thing they will do is shoot your dog and if you make any sudden moves - you could be shot as well.

Be strong is a mind game.

I will pray for you.
edit on 3-7-2014 by Jesuslives4u because: (no reason given)

posted on Jul, 3 2014 @ 04:38 AM
Im really sorry to hear about the loss of your grandfather i lost mine recently aswell i know its not easy! Its weird you posted this because i was thinking today how we are trully never alone even when it really feels like nobody is here for us and feel like no one gives a f#&% i believe we always have someone with us in spirit guiding us and looking after us whether its a deceased relative or someone else i honestly believe we are never alone, so it caught my attention when i saw your title because it was on my mind alot today, anyway for me its a good mindset too have i am usually mostly negative and think people don't like me i know it sounds silly, it is.. So this reinforced that positive thinking for me thanks! And by what happened with your gun not fireing that too me just shows there has to be unseen spirits or something around us i have read many stories like that too believe otherwise.

posted on Jul, 3 2014 @ 05:46 AM
a reply to: Shana91aus

Oh definitely! I was a twin, my twin passed away during birth. I always felt a strong connection to him and almost feel like hes with me. Maybe he's my guardian angel.

posted on Jul, 4 2014 @ 03:51 PM
a reply to: LoverBoy

edit on 4-7-2014 by OpinionatedB because: (no reason given)

posted on Jul, 4 2014 @ 04:10 PM
Yeah, when my wife died I was a mess..But..there is always someone out there, not at all times is on different levels. You just have to be open and alert know??

posted on Jul, 7 2014 @ 02:04 AM
That was very kind and brave of you to post such and I admire you and appreciate you for doing so. It is not always easy to open up like that and reach out. Your post is very timely as I am in a very dark place right now because of health issues and other stresses, (family, relationships, etc.). I find myself holding back relevant to reaching out like you did.

I have done so in the past a few times and most were kind but some folks, not so much...and that is counter productive and just makes things worse. I find myself, more and more being less cordial and open and less apt to try and cultivate relationships anymore...more or less going the "lone wolf" route. I used to feel like I had a sorta family at ATS but not so much of I say, feeling more detached and lone wolfish.

Anyway, thanx for your words of help and wisdom. I am sorry for your loss and for any sadness and hardships you endured to bring you to the brink at times. My hubby is a 100% disabled Vet and he has been through a lot and has many issues as well that cause him a lot of grief and heartache and moods. Anger issues and sad moods and the like. We muddle through so far.

Thanx again guy. So far, am trying to keep on keepin on. Sure, I could let stuff get to me...or not, and get run over by a's all a toss up. Blessings to you.
edit on 7-7-2014 by shrevegal because: added thought.

edit on 7-7-2014 by shrevegal because: error

posted on Jul, 7 2014 @ 10:37 AM
a reply to: LoverBoy

S + F for You for sharing something so personal! Continue to Fight the Fight. Your story has shown me that there will be a better path to take.
I know I'll find it soon. (looking a Life's Map.) ...... Syx.

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