So I'm Looking For a Better Job...

Who isn't? Anyone who is a contributing member of society still longs for that dream job; complete with more money, vacation, benefits, coworkers/bosses that aren't #-bags all while doing something that one can tolerate for multiple hours a day.

But you know what keeps us all wallowing in the muck and mire of mediocrity? #ING HUMAN RESOURCES!

Who could forget infuriating phrases like:

"We're not hiring but we are taking applications." (Why are you then wasting MY time in filling it out and YOURS to trash it?!?)

"We only hire through a 3rd party temp agency." (Then WTF do YOU do?!?)

"I see you have multiple degrees and several other certifications. I feel that you would be overqualified for this job." (No bitch, that means I'd rock that #!)

"Were looking for someone with experience." (For entry level production? Did you even read that #ing cover letter that your 3rd party vendor claimed you required!??)

"I'm sorry, the positing was filled.....6 months ago." (THEN UPDATE YOUR #ING WEBSITE!)

"You have listed experience operating heavy machinery on both a flight line loading aircraft in a warzone and at a port loading warships. Were really looking for someone with experience with a 2k forklift and a hand truck." (Do you even know the difference between 20,000lbs and 2,000lbs? What about load balancing so the bird doesn't fall out of the #ing sky?!!)

But so far, my favorite is their inability to even send even a #ing form letter saying, ''Thanks, but no thanks." Seriously, you contract out the application/resume selection through a dozen different vendors (monster.com charges $299 for 30 days for 1 posting), and the majority of your job consists of generating superfluous paperwork to justify your existence, regurgitating PC gobbledy-gook, tow the company line and ensure that the only people entitled to get away with anything are their fellow HR #-offs, celebrating #ty/frivolous holidays/recognition/heritage months, dreaming up asinine ways to ''improve'' a procedure that you have never done and force team building exercises that are nothing but a drain of resources in the first place.

In essence HR are the sort of people that when considering job applicants to run post-invasion Iraq, would consider Saddam Hussien, Fidel Castro or Robert Mugabe, as a) They all hold Doctorates. b) "Have relevant experience and contacts." c) Have done the job before.

To summarize; I love working, I want to work (at least be more gainfully employed), so for #s sake sign some #ing sheet of paper, give me a job, get the # out of the way and watch me # rainbows.

a reply to: Lipton

You're hired man. All you had to do was walk in, and tell me you sh# rainbows.

I never understood the "you're over qualified" aspect until I started to move up myself in the company I work. Quite frankly it really #ing sucks to have to replace positions. But I've always thought that if someone apply's for the job whether or not they are over qualified I will hire the guy that I like best and is best for the job. My current position there isn't a lot of companies that do it. So there is that chance I may need to start at entry level again and work my ass up again. If I'm willing to apply for that then give me a fair shake. I agree with your points OP.

Sorry you have had a bad experience finding yourself a better job. I might not be able to steer you into what you are looking for but might be able to offer this. If you hold such a negative and hostile view of Human Resources and wish to seek employment from some HR, it's not going to go well. No matter how much you hide you disdain for those type of people.....however you wish to profile them, you hatred will shine through one way or another. Perhaps it's best to maybe understand what it is they do DO and maybe that will provide just enough appreciation to hide such ill will.

Hope that helps....

They don't want to tell you the real reason they are not hiring you, they use politically correct, neutral answers to avoid lawsuits. They can't just say your ugly and we don't want you.
They do have a point with the over qualified thing though. Why hire an engineer to sweep the floors? He will be looking for a new job while he's sweeping and they will have to go through the hiring process again.

"We're not hiring but we are taking applications."

Sometimes they don't bother advertising for positions - sometimes they just look through their "talent pool" and pick the 10 most likely candidates that the HR admin likes. In the companies I've worked for, that was all due to using pink scented paper to store their resume.

"We only hire through a 3rd party temp agency." (Then WTF do YOU do?!?)

They get so many clownz applying for their jobs that they have given up reading through the resumes and get a
company to sift through them by the lorry load. A large city in the UK and a high-profile advertising campaign would
get over three thousand applications for ten positions.

"I see you have multiple degrees and several other certifications. I feel that you would be overqualified for this job."

They are scared that you might just be using their employment as a stop-gap measure until you found something better. Though of course, they're just as likely to lay you off if they were able to find someone cheaper.

"Were looking for someone with experience." (For entry level production? Did you even read that #ing cover letter that your 3rd party vendor claimed you required!??)

That's their way of saying ... we only hire interns who have worked for us in the past and were willing to work for free.

"I'm sorry, the positing was filled.....6 months ago." (THEN UPDATE YOUR #ING WEBSITE!)

That one sucks.

sounds like a possible candidate for a union operator apprenticeship.

My husband feels your pain from the other end. He's in a position to interview and hire candidates for his own group, and he has to run the gauntlet of both HR and the third party temp agency to try to get candidate resumes of people he both wants to interview and thinks are qualified. He spent three months fighting HR just to move over one person from within his own department he knew he wanted because they (HR) weren't so sure that person was suitable, and why would they know his own job better than he did? And then once he got the move to happen, it took them eight months to fill the position that person left for a bevy of reasons, all which were best answered by the people in the department itself and not HR who clearly felt it was their call to make.

So, yeah, it isn't easy on either end.

a reply to: Lipton

"I see you have multiple degrees and several other certifications. I feel that you would be overqualified for this job." (No bitch, that means I'd rock that #!)

Bitch? I think I see your problem.

You just might be on a DNC list somewhere!

In this age of technology your previous work history, recommendations, credit rating, criminal records, etc. can be viewed before you even walk in the door to be interviewed.