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Behind These Hazel Eyes

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posted on Jun, 18 2014 @ 11:06 AM
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Do you ever feel like an outsider when amongst other people in social situations?

I do. I feel so "different" that sometimes I wonder if I am really from another planet - one where interacting with other people outside your own home or work is unheard of. A planet where people are afraid of allowing others to see who they really are. A world where absorbing information is far easier than relaying it.

I went to a farewell gathering for two colleagues this evening. I had been apprehensive about going (as I normally am when it comes to large social gatherings) and predicted a night spent struggling to make and maintain conversation with others. A night where my social anxiety would take the form of sitting back and listening instead of initiating topics of conversation.

Apparently, exposure to social situations is the best medicine for overcoming social anxieties. Besides wanting to bid farewell to my colleagues, another reason I went was to improve my social skills and perhaps get to know some of my colleagues a little better.

Unfortunately, this did not eventuate and by the end of the gathering I left feeling rather flat and dissatisfied. Although several acquaintances made the experience more bearable, overall I was disappointed with my performance.

I was like an actor trying to pull off a scene from a script I had never read while everyone else knew their lines. I was really a passive observer, failing to take advantage of the pleasant atmosphere and positive energy emitting from those around me.

Why is it so easy to criticise the self, but so hard to praise?




posted on Jun, 18 2014 @ 11:35 AM
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Have a few drinks. You'll loosen right up.



posted on Jun, 18 2014 @ 11:42 AM
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I going to go out on a limb and say.

Maybe you are way overthinking things. Why even evaluate yourself ?

Overthinking is your issue. I'm willing to bet nobody else thought twice.



posted on Jun, 18 2014 @ 11:54 AM
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You're being uptight. Just dance like nobody's watching. It's normal to get around some crowds and feel out-of-place.

let your mind go and your body will follow - L.A. Story



posted on Jun, 18 2014 @ 11:58 AM
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a reply to: Dark Ghost

I used to be exactly like that, and still am sometimes. But the thing I had to realize was, I was trying to be someone I thought they would appreciate. In other words, I wasn't being myself. Now, I'm myself all the time - to varying degrees, albeit. I'll be around a complete stranger and do something goofy because I don't care what they think. Either they will be okay with it or they won't be. On the plus side, if they're not okay with it, that tells me right away that they aren't someone I care to spend quality time with.

All you can do is be who you are. Doing anything else is worse for you than being around people who don't like you.



posted on Jun, 18 2014 @ 12:00 PM
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a reply to: Dark Ghost

It is not that easy to just let go like others will tell you. I know where you're coming from as I have had the same problem. It started for me after an experience that I will not recount right now, but from that time on, I could not take my mind off what I was doing; how I was walking, how I would say certain things, even what to say. I couldn't just do things naturally like most people do without thinking. It was (and still to an extent is) very painful even after almost 40 years. Although I have learned to have a few as skunkape suggested and that does help...



posted on Jun, 18 2014 @ 01:24 PM
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Nothing wrong with that .. never could stand large social getherings or crowds .. on times if was required to show at one made a brief appearance and fast exit .. otherwise prefer my solitude for the most part .. always end up feeling exhausted for days after being around crowds or at social gatherings ..



posted on Jun, 18 2014 @ 01:43 PM
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originally posted by: Fylgje...
let your mind go and your body will follow - L.A. Story

Is that Phage talking with Steve Martin?
Wow! Great hair!
One of my favorite movies.



posted on Jun, 18 2014 @ 03:25 PM
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a reply to: Dark Ghost


Why is it so easy to criticise the self, but so hard to praise?

probably
50% "to thine own self be true"
30% "a person is their own toughest critic"
20% "when i do right, noone remembers.. when i do wrong, noone forgets"


"a little wine shall settle thy stomach"



posted on Jun, 18 2014 @ 07:21 PM
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On the other hand....a detective once told me...." If you want to live , stay away from people you know...most murders are connected to someone you know." ......so...theres a positive point to not being too social!
edit on 18-6-2014 by Meldionne1 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 18 2014 @ 07:44 PM
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If you're anything like me, you strike me as a fellow introvert. Don't force yourself into doing anything you're not comfortable with, it's just not who an introvert is. Quiet nights at home or somewhere with few others are always full of win versus somewhere noisy packed with people. Forcing yourself to be a "social butterfly" really isn't worth it, we're already happy doing our own thing without the crowd.



posted on Jun, 18 2014 @ 10:54 PM
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a reply to: Dark Ghost




I was like an actor trying to pull off a scene from a script I had never read while everyone else knew their lines. I was really a passive observer, failing to take advantage of the pleasant atmosphere and positive energy emitting from those around me.


Beautiful analogy, I understand that feeling completely, you come home and re-live every conversation thinking of things you should have said, and kick yourself for not even trying.

The big thing that helps me is going into social gathering with no expectations. Don't tell yourself, this time I will say something. Your not an actor your in the audience with a much better perspective than the other windbags on stage. Enjoy the show, you don't have to say anything, your an observer. Learn from your observations about social dynamics. From your perspective you can pinpoint different personalities and see patterns in social behaviors, you become like a scientist.

The actors are blessed with their own talents but most of the time fight for stage time. Go into the next gathering confident in your roll as an observer, your confidence might land you in the middle of a deep conversation. If you don't no biggie, most people will appreciate your wanting to listen.



posted on Jun, 18 2014 @ 10:56 PM
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Don't be so hard on yourself...concentrate on your OWN enjoyment instead of trying to please the entire crowd.

Honestly, most people are so self-absorbed regarding their own social performance skills and how they rank, that they won't be paying attention to your social skills or the lack thereof.

Try to find just one person to connect with, one that YOU find interesting and would like to learn more about.

People love to talk about themselves. Be a good listener and you will be the belle of the ball...

Go have some fun. You did't sign on to be the floor show, so don't pretend to be.

You can do it. Frankie says, "...Relax."


MissMissie



posted on Jun, 19 2014 @ 11:22 AM
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It is hard to be an introvert in (what feels like) an extroverted world. I think once I accepted and understood that I was truly an introvert, a lot of things made more sense and I wasn't so hard on myself.

Nothing wrong with being a good listener, and that is a fine role to play at social gatherings. You sound 100% normal to me. Being around people, other than family/closest friends, is completely exhausting to me. Read up on introversion and just embrace it as part of who you are.



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