Successful marriages.

I hear a lot of talk on relationships, folks trying to figger out the "Physchosees" and what not. There's really only 1 trick to staying happy through 16 plus years of commitment...never stop dating the girl ! [ note: this applies to anyone, I'm just using my personal choice here]
While you date, you show an intrest and intent. Most folks kinda let that slip after a time. To succeed keep applying effort. Plain and simple.

a reply to: Greywolf13A

proudly married 33 years.



yes i know how to date a woman.



oh yeah, we've been together for 37 years. we are either hopelessly in love or waiting to see what happens next.

A lot of it comes down to choosing the right person. Some people have the ability to commit for the long term. And some just don't. You can give them all the attention in the world, but at some point their feet get itchy and they jump.

That said, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a series of relationships in your life. Nor is there anything wrong with being alone from time to time.

a reply to: Greywolf13A

I would have said the trick is --- Even when she wrong--- she's right.
once you can admit that you'll spend a lot fewer nights sleeping on the sofa...

All kidding aside my wife is my best friend, no matter what we go threw good and bad...
We laugh and play my make private jokes no one else gets... Friends

It's easier for us since we were friends long before we dated. That more intimate connection came later and I'm glad it did. Though I will admit it was a bit of shock to realize I was attracted to my best friend.

BTW--- She slugged me the first time we kissed. Said it was because I didn't warn her first, then she slugs me again for not taking the hint and trying a second time.

Girls are mean----

originally posted by: HardCorps
a reply to: Greywolf13A



BTW--- She slugged me the first time we kissed. Said it was because I didn't warn her first, then she slugs me again for not taking the hint and trying a second time.

Girls are mean----

As I read that, it's as though I could see it happening....and although I don't approve of 'fisty cuffs', that made me smile.
Rainbows
Jane

I actually have a very successful marriage. I mean it started out purely physical... but after a while I noticed he was pretty awesome beneath the skin. He was luckily a perfect compliment to me.. we work incredibly well as a team. I mean its hard to explain really. We also dont fight. Hard to beleive, but I swear to it. No yelling, no fighting... and we are both fighters! When we were first together we bumped heads because we are both aggressive and dominant, and it settled down as we were committed to defining our roles in this partnership. If you can have that, know what you want, tell the other person bluntly and honestly who you are, what you want, and what you demand.. lay yourself open for them to see ( you say.. stab me in th heart and crush me - or love me, because Ive laid myself open with no walls or defenses) .. if you happen to find the person who will do the same : its golden.

We have very different interests, hobbies, activities.. some polar opposite of the other... but this has never been a problem. We genuinely LIKE eachother. We both want to see the other happy. It makes me happy to see him happy and content. The same with him. We both ( luckily) feel the same about making sure the other one is secure in the relationship and there is never doubt. There are ways to do this and if you actually maintain a marriage long term.. you learn how if you care enough to look inside the other one and see what they need. This lets us pull away and also tighten ranks when needed. You get into a rhythm with this.. and its a very peaceful happy thing. We fight and get rowdy with others.. alone and together as a team.. but within our little team... NEVER. He is possibly the only person I have never been critical of or felt the urge to hurt or dominate. I havent needed to. We both make sure not to imbed resentments in eachother.

I know my marriage is atypical these days. Its the result of being a pretty rough girlfriend to a lot of guys.. and meeting by chance, this one person. I got lucky for whatever reason, because it surely wasnt anything I did that brought him into my life. LOL!

a reply to: angelchemuel

Aha... she hits like a girl...
ya know--- that whole cats paws kind of swat.

Well that was then... Nowadays she's a brown belt in Aikido.

or in other words--- She can hurt me now!

a reply to: Greywolf13A

Never been married so my opinion might not be accurate so take it as it is.

I always figured a successful marriage was based on acceptance and not expectations.
The good relationships I have had were based on acceptance...the bad ones were based on expectations.

I was married once. For 29 years. Then she died. We would still be married if she was alive. We just were there for each other and learned to hear each other and understand each others needs.. much more lol! Basically being truthful and not holding crap in.

A marriage with one or the other partner being away for say 70% to 80% of the year and trying to make up lost time in a few weeks in between don't cut it. One or the other partner ends up cheating or is very frustrated (I knew a person like that recently ) and fines ways to get in trouble. That 100% true.

Married folks that stay together if one or the other is not there to help raise the children (or child) and just stay because of the stuff they own or for the children (or child) are also messed up. One or the other will always feel that they are taking on more of the load. It just won't work.

I think it comes down to a married couple being together ..no matter what ..money be damn!! If your together even if you each have to work two jobs.. you'll make it !! It's the sharing of two people becoming one.

Make sense.. ??

Here's a great take on marriage. It's more than sixty years old, but it could be talking about today:

a reply to: Moresby

One of my favorite movies!
2nd

Successfully married for 25 years to 3 different women. Not all at the same time of course; I'm not a Mormon.


Now friends and lovers with all my ex wives. Gets a bit complicated at times but living on the edge keeps it interesting!!

Whomever you marry, make sure you like them as a person because it's not all about the nooky. That first blush of passion will fade, and then you're with who you're with. If you can't get along with or like that person, your marriage is going to be a rough one. So, yeah, even though we may not be quite as joined at the hip as we used to be when we first started ... after more than 15 years, our bond is as tight as ever because we like each other as people as much as do as lovers.

a reply to: Greywolf13A

Never go to bed angry, and say "I love you" after every phone call, and when youre leaving the house.
Everyday, all day...

Married 20 years, dated 7 years=27 years together. She is 10 years younger than me.

a reply to: HardCorps

I have seen a few nights like that...

a reply to: Greywolf13A

Excellent point.

Perhaps to flesh it out a bit . . .

I think the following is quite crucial:

MARRIAGE ISN’T FOR YOU ARTICLE:

sethadamsmith.com...

The focus cannot be on ME! ME! ME! and have a successful marriage.

It also doesn't work to be a worthless feeling slavish doormat for someone else.

One needs some self respect in order for even a marriage partner to respect one.

If it takes extensive therapy to help build back some self-respect stolen during DETACHMENT--ATTACHMENT DISORDER INDUCING early childhood parenting--then by all means get it . . . if you can't afford it, find some grandfatherly or grandmotherly older person with a big loving heart and spend an hour or 3 with them weekly . . . even if you have to go to an old folks home to find such a person.

LOVING is doing what's best for the one loved. That takes focusing ON THEM, their feelings, their needs, their priorities etc. without squashing one's own. When two people are healthy psychologically and emotionally, with that focus on the other--both are enhanced and the relationship is enhanced, enriched and endures building value and quality as the years rush by.



The following can be looked up as TED talks on youtube:

HELEN FISHER (BIOLOGICAL ANTHROPOLOGIST) YOUTUBE VIDEOS:

www.youtube.com...


--THE BRAIN IN LOVE
--GENDER DIFFERENCES

--WHY PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE
--WHY WE LOVE, WHY WE CHEAT

--4 PERSONALITY TYPES IN MEN
--DATING AND MARRIAGE TIPS

--THE POWER OF LOVE
--UNDERSTANDING MEN

--LUST, ROMANCE, ATTACHMENT
--"THE BRAIN IN LOVE' AT HAPPINESS & ITS CAUSES 2013

--BIG THINK INTERVIEW WITH HELEN FISHER
--DR HELEN FISHER ON THE NATURAL TALENTS OF WOMEN

--ARE YOU CHEMICALLY COMPATIBLE?
--BIOLOGY OF THE MIND

--WHY DO FOOLS FALL IN LOVE?
--THE NATURE OF LOVE

PAGE 2 OF VIDEO LISTINGS:

--YOUR PERSONALITY STYLE AT WORK
--DRUGS OR LOVE? HELEN FISHER AT WORLD FUTURE 2007

--EXPLAINS WHY CASUAL SEX DOESN'T EXIST
--LUST OR LOVE

--THE FUTURE OF LOVE AND SEX
--THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES

--WHY HIM? WHY HER? HOW TO FIND AND KEEP LASTING LOVE
--ROYAL CHEMISTRY?

--LOVE, LUST & ATTACHMENT
--SCIENCE OF LOVE

--LUST, ROMANCE & ATTRACTIOIN
--MATCH.COM PRESENTS SINGLES IN AMERICA WITH DR HELEN FISHER

--ON THE FEMALE BRAIN

PAGE 3 OF LISTINGS:

--THE SWEATY T-SHIRT EXPERIMENT

--CORPORATE CHEMISTRY
--HOW DO YOU FIND REAL LOVE?

--TRANSFORMATION OF THE UNIVERSITY CAMPUS 1950s-1960s
--THE SECRET OF MAKING MARRIAGE WORK

--THE DRIVE TO LOVE (1)
--THE DRIVE TO LOVE (2)

--KISSING'S EFFECT ON THE BRAIN

PAGE 4 OF LISTINGS:

--ENHANCING IMPACT, INSPIRING EXCELLENCE
--RESULTS OF MAJOR SURVEY BY MATCH.COM

--THE DRIVE TO LOVE (6)
--ROMANTIC LOVE IS AN ADDICTION

--THE CHEMISTRY OF LOVE (II)
--TODDLER DISCIPLINE BY HELEN FISHER

--THE DRIVE TO LOVE (3)

PAGE 5

--THE DRIVE TO LOVE(5)
--FOX HUCKABEE HELEN FISHER INTERVIEW

--THE DRIVE TO LOVE (4)
--CAN YOU CHANGE YOUR PERSONALITY?