posted on Jun, 18 2014 @ 03:46 AM
This applies to many in my life, and home right now. They'll never see this, but maybe after I get this off my chest, some of you can shine some kind
of light on it? Maybe not. Whatever.
Addictions and mental disorders due to bad circumstances ARE fixable, I can show you thousands of examples. The only difference between us and you is
that we WANT to change our lives. Not there yet? OK that's cool, I was just like you not long ago and I wasn't hearin' it either.
But just because I'm NOT a hot mess right now doesn't mean I'm NOT dealing with serious issues, or haven't in the past. It just means I've been
through so many that if I dare continue to freak about it I may kill myself. I have a heart condition and I'm in my early 40's. The people I'm
speaking of are 10-20 years younger than me.
I'm just working hard to continue to improve my own quality of life and that of those I love, and don't feel there's any reason to dump or inflict
it my issues on others who can't really do jack about it anyway. I believe that repetitive thought forms become reality so gossip is no bueno. Plus,
I know know more about stuff in general than most around me. Sue me, I've got 5 more long term relationships than you and smell BS a mile away.
And, I and others like me are evolving. Really. Don't believe me? Let's hook up the EEG headset, I'll prove it with hard data. Does this make me a
better person than you? Damn straight it does, in my opinion. That was the WHOLE POINT of the hard work I did to become this way. I know
others...many, and I prefer to hang out with them, and we just don't invite you to our parties.
I'm sympathetic and empathic, yes. But I also have solid walls up. And SERIOUS protection. Your whole point is that you're weak and need help to
even get out of bed, yet you think you can knock me down, eh...that's called being confident in your ignorance, and where the problems start between
us...let's see how that works out for you. Be careful.
Don't misunderstand, I don't wish any ill will on you, quite the opposite. But you need to know that you are just a fly in my soup, and nothing
more, you will be discarded as such, and the whole mess you came in with sent back without payment. It is what it is, which is what you made it. "If
I cut you off, chances are you handed me the scissors" is a pretty crap meme about it, but, yea. That.
Just because it's in front of me does NOT mean I have ANY responsibility to deal with it or allow it to affect me in any way. My usual reaction is
laughter. Not even sorry, it's amusing, like watching my cats fight. "Much ado about nothing", as some say.
I work in "metaphysical" healing modalities, and retail products. I rarely monetarily profit from these works, usually the opposite.
And I approach these from a scientific aspect and am NOT a hippie. If I was, I'd profit, based on what I know of "hippies", no offense to those not
like that, but to the other 99%, yea, YOU.
I do NOT claim to LOVE EVERYONE UNCONDITIONALLY. I most certainly do NOT and am not capable of such. My work is an attempt to make everyone,
especially myself, into someone who is more capable of loving and being loved, basically.
There IS a BIG difference. And though my work brings us closer, even I am NOT there yet, obviously, or I wouldn't be on here b!+ch!n about people...
But I'm working on it, and getting closer all the time. It's the least I can do for myself, and for others while I'm at it.
All I'm saying is, I'm trying. And if you're not, get the **** out of my way and let me (us) work.
I thank ATS for being a place where I am able to let this out comfortably.