posted on Jun, 14 2014 @ 12:02 AM
All of the above AND
it is very difficult to wake up in this facade of a reality. I know because I'm smack in the middle of it. I have a family to provide for, but knew
that my 'career' was bull****. I worked as an electrical engineer for the 'premiere' mainframe company for the past 12 years. Who did I build
systems for? The Big Banks and the '3 letter govt acronyms who we talk so negatively about on ATS'. I started waking up a few years ago, watching
everyone get 'resource actioned' (aka. fired), watching everyone squirm and wonder how long before they were gone, wondering if there was going to
BE a retirement in the future. How could I come home at night, and shout against the machine that I was HELPING TO CREATE!?!?! How many of us still
work for big corporations, big govt entities, and big lies that steal our time, our creativity, and our souls...and give us little more than a
paycheck and good dose of fear?
Hell, how is anybody suppose to be happy in this mess...unless they have a boatload of cash and a mission with purpose? People can't catch up with
bills, can't even see the surface of the debt pool that they're drowning in, can't see any possibility of retiring. We can't survive without a
'Two income household' anymore. How is anybody suppose to raise a kid in this environment? Both parents beating their heads against the wall
trying to catch up. Parents, who actually STAY together, don't have the slightest bit of patience and capacity to spend the amount of time NECESSARY
to raise their children properly, because they don't even have enough time to unwind at the end of the day for THEMSELVES! Parents who break
up...well, that's just the culmination of the prior situation never getting better...and just drives a deeper divide between kids and how reality
should be. The sh*t has got to stop.
It's far from over for me. I fireb*mbed my career for the past year and a half...just waiting to be let go (had wagers with my coworkers about when
it would be). Why wait to get kicked out? In my mind, I didn't really WANT to get fired, but I knew I was too afraid to leave on my own...so I had
a battle of depression, anger, hatred, and a desire to get out. It culminated in me being kicked to the curb in March. Now I'm trying to get an
organic/biodynamic farm running our our property (suppose to wake up in 4 hours to harvest....darg, gonna be a long day at the market). Will it pay
the bills? It'll hardly touch them. Do I feel more whole as a human being...every waking moment.
But, am I happy? Well, I'd say I'm more healed, but still far from happy. I do still worry about how I'm going to provide for the family. I do
still worry about the world and the state that it's in. I still wake up every morning and realize that I have no idea WHO I am, I have no idea WHAT
I am, I have no idea what THIS place is, and I have no idea IF I have a purpose in it.
I need to get back into the technology field, but on MY terms. I see Tesla released their patents to the open source community...well, there's a
company that I'll send my resume to. I see that MIT released a study showing 50% of American children will have Autism by 2025, with glyphosate
being one of the biggest 'possible' causes. If I was in the bio field, I'd find out where I could work to develop a home test for parents to test
their childrens' urine/blood for glyphosate (I'd wager parents who don't give a hooey about Monsanto would likely change their tune when they found
out how much round-up was in their kids.)
Am I happy? F**K NO.. I'm angry, I'm depressed, I'm scared, and I'm feeling lost and alone.
Am I awake? More and more every single day. And I finally have a mission in this story, because I finally cut my strings.