ATTACHMENT: Why You Love, Feel And Act The Way You Do
By Drs Tim Clinton & Gary Sibcy
CHAPTER 11 pp 231 to 255
emphases added & formatting changed
An attachment based parenting mind-set consists of four guiding principles:
--training your child in the way of love,
--emotional learning, and
As principles, these guidelines help organize your parenting style. Eminent child psychologist Russell Barkley notes that a great advantage of
principle-centered parenting is that "when you see the 'why' [of what you do as a parent], you are likely to do the how." 
In other words, understanding why you should do certain things as a parent helps you do those things more effectively and efficiently.
 Russell Barkley, Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents, 2d ed. (New York, Guilford Press, 2000), 6.
Other related links:
BO X ATS ATTACHMENT DISORDER THREAD LINK:
DR BRUCE PERRY’S CHILD TRAUMA ACADEMY:
IMPACT OF ABUSE AND NEGLECT ON THE DEVELOPING BRAIN:
ATTACHMENT: THE FIRST CORE STRENGTH:
BONDING AND ATTACHMENT IN MALTREATED CHILDREN: BRUCE PERRY
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Some added excerpts & paraphrased bits and my commentary:
. . . Stephen Covey uses this kind of analogy: If you're a pilot wanting to fly from Atlanta to San Francisco, simply wanting to get there isn't
enough. You need a detailed flight plan that specifies direction as well as attitudes and corresponding speeds.
. . .
A coach's football game plan is another example of vision.
. . .
How do I want my kids to remember me when I'm gone? . . . but you might try one of Stephen Covey's recommended exercises to accomplish the
same thing: Imagine your own funeral. Then picture your child being asked to comment honestlyabout the kind of parent
you were. What would you want your child to say?
--Training Your Child in the Way of Love
. . .
* believe they are worthy of love--God's and yours
* believe relationships are warm, pleasurable, satisfying, and safe
* believe they can trust others to respond appropriately and promptly to their needs
* have the ability to regulate and manage their negative emotions
* have the ability to live within limits
* have the ability to deal with frustration, loss, and failures and to actually grow stronger from experiences
* have the ability to solve social problems effectively, using words rather than aggressive behavior or social-withdrawal
Learning how to handle emotions constructively, growthfully tends to be an OPPORTUNITY
in the crucibles and fiery-furnaces of life
The habit of those who come from ATTACHMENT DISORDERED childhoods . . . is to REACT as a parent did; as a parent taught you to REACT out of THEIR
ATTACHMENT DISORDER . . . and the beat goes on toward destructiveness.
That can change . . . step by step . . . when we CHOOSE the high road instead of destructive REACTIONS.
And when parents respond in life's crucibles with emotionally constructive tones and attitudes--children watch and learn how to regulate and express
their own emotions constructively.
Usually, in the home, my blood Dad seemed to not have a sensitive bone, ear or touch in his body.
However, IF someone were his CUSTOMER, THEN he could be the perfect picture of sensitive, caring, attentive, thoughtful, understanding etc.
Most of us KNOW WHAT THE HIGH ROAD IS. Some can even display it WHEN it's to our advantage overtly, to do so.
Too many fail the most critical test with those they purportedly love the most. Why do so many treat those they love the most the worst? Because that
was what characterized their ATTACHMENT DISORDERED home life, too.
But we can change. We can CHOOSE
to behave, talk, touch, attend to, understand--
AS WE'D LIKE TO BE:
We CAN, if we WILL.
And when we blow it, we can do better the next time.
I hope we can have a robust discussion of such on this thread.
I don't know why my last one did not show up on the RECENT post page listings.