Whup whup whup whup whup
The sound of the blades slicing the air drove splinters of pain through NC's head.
"OOOOHHHHHH, my head!!!" he moaned "What hit me?"
"Too much booze hit you" muttered Ocelot, "You were so drunk you tried to kiss the soldier over there."
NC peered over at the soldier who was so ugly Illmatic would have denied it was the same species let alone race." I must have been drunk" he moaned.
As his head cleared he started to take more notice of his environment, the large helicopter had scores of glum looking people in rows of seats
disappearing into the gloom. Ahead he could see a pilot.
"Hey pilot" He yelled, I didn't know a helicopter could fly all the way to New Zealand and then back. "Oh we have some tricks you have never seen
before," the pilot replied, turning his head to smile.
NC was immediately aware of the pilot's, strangely slit eyes, his short stature, and he peered closer, his grey color. "You look sicker than I do"
NC muttered. The pilot hearing this gave him the finger, the middle one, he only had three, noted NC as he reclined in his seat to wait out the
Meanwhile in another world, so it seemed, a despondent superhero sighed and pulled a face. He sat bored on a beautiful white beach on a hot sunny day
with perfect breakers forming in the white topped surf in front of him.
"Its just no fun being a super hero in Australia" moaned OZ Chris, (mild mannered sticker manager by day, raging super hero by night). "What is
there to do apart from fending off refugee boats from Indonesia and New Zealand? This place is so bloody ordinary its boring! Even our terrorists are
incompetent, who's ever heard of hijacking a plane with sticks?".
Super OZ kicked a passing crab in frustration, Thirty thousand miles away in Los Angles Mrs Sheinlen was walking down the drive to check her mail when
she was pole axed by a falling crab. Fortean investigators were on the scene immediately, and News of the World posted an exclusive on "The
Crustacion that Attacked Los Angles". This forced President Bush to mobilize his military and declare war on "an unnamed country harboring
crustacion terrorists". .. but this was in the future.
The trouble was that even superhero's had their limitations, not only couldn't he make John Howard look like a person who belonged in the new
century, or give him a personality, he couldn't even help the Australians win in the upcoming Rugby world cup. As a result of the minor character
flaws the worlds greatest super hero resorted to cruising the internet trying to act ordinary. Well he would be if he could get his stupid computer to
work, that was his second problem.
Returning to his beachside villa, he sat in his office trying to connect to the internet again. Bzzzz WEEEEEEPPPP PIN PING, the modem screamed in
frustration as he attempted for the tenth time that day to connect. Super OZ hurled the box out the window. In New Guinea a stone age tribe created a
new religion around a mysterious beige box that descended from the heavens. The Hewlett Packard Church of the Orgasmic would go on mobilize the
nation and convert Mormon missionaries to its faith, eventually establishing a base in Utah.
Chris grumbled and went off to borrow another computer from his neighbor. After connecting it in he found he had success, for the first time in three
weeks he had a connection. Connecting in to Abovetopsecret.com...
in anticipation of a pile of missed messages he was surprised to find the board
empty, no posters, no new posts, in two weeks.
"Weird," thought Super OZ "the last posts are all from FM saying what a wonder person he is, how intelligent he is, and how much the rest of the
human race sucks, and no one is there to reply to him, let alone ban him." Indeed it seemed that the board had been empty so long FM had managed to
start a debate with himself and was in the process of abusing himself and trying to get himself banned.
"Well some things never change" Super Oz muttered, "I need to investigate this further, this is worse than the time Simon was kidnapped by aliens
from the planet Zeta after they got his name wrong from the phone book. I know I will fly around the world and find the ATS members and check up on
them, that will occupy my afternoon."
Happy with his new endeavor he packed a lunch (Prawn sammies with Thousand Island dressing and a pie) and flew off to visit his old mate Alien in
Wellington, a$$hole of the antipodes... (the city that is, not the person).
[Edited on 29-5-2003 by Netchicken]