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Doomsday By Design -- Collaborative Story [ WORKING THREAD] [Updated!]

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posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 04:23 AM
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a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

a reply to: pheonix358




Carol's gonna get real. *Return nudge wink*





Revenge though is an interesting thing.





Muhahah. Very much looking forward to it.




posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 04:23 AM
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a reply to: Wookiep
Ahh .. ok .. just realised other reason it hit hard when read jackson getting killed is listening to mp3 while reading and the song that was playing was dust in the wind by kansas .. between your writing and that song it really hit .. hadnt expect story to go way it has.. now have to refigure bit as had been count on jackson being around .. my mistake should have pm you sooner wookie ..



posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 04:28 AM
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a reply to: Expat888

Ahh, sorry expat, the good news is his death had the effect I was aiming for.. so that worked! No no mistakes or need to be sorry whatsoever, for what?? You've created an awesome character, and are a very skilled writer, I wouldn't even know English isn't your first language.

edit on 8-6-2014 by Wookiep because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 04:48 AM
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a reply to: Wookiep

No worries .. actually find it an interesting coincidence to have happen .. also it shows your skill at writing a good writer should be able to move people with their writing and youve done very well on it ..

Thank you .. it takes me a bit as keep going over making sure that translate / phrase right .. its helped the last few days working with you all on the story .. been worry would throw it off ...



posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 04:48 AM
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WHEW!

Finished writing Carol's stuff.

I just wanted to note, Sandra is no longer in Las Nueva Era. The event I just wrote just after Jackson left the bunker and got killed. I put the specific time on that post so not to confuse anyone.



posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 04:50 AM
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Now got me thinking its a shame cant add soundtrack hehe .. be interesting to see the choices for background music people would have ..



posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 04:56 AM
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a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

You may need to edit that a little bit. I think we were writing at the same time.

P



posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 04:56 AM
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originally posted by: Expat888
Now got me thinking its a shame cant add soundtrack hehe .. be interesting to see the choices for background music people would have ..


I've thought that very same thing...

Sometimes, I'll have a certain song playing in Sandra's mp3 player, and I secretly hope the readers get that song stuck in their heads as they read the scene.

The song in Sandra's departure was Lose Yourself by Eminem.




posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 04:57 AM
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originally posted by: pheonix358
a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

You may need to edit that a little bit. I think we were writing at the same time.

P


Yeah... that's why I added a specific time to that panel.

That event is entirely separate from your actions, sorry for the confusion.



posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 04:59 AM
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a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX


The song in Sandra's departure was Lose Yourself by Eminem.


Which was perfect Btw, I wanted to tell you how well written that was, the way you incorporated that song, then I forgot after posting and editing Jack's Death. So good job on that!

edit on 8-6-2014 by Wookiep because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 05:04 AM
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originally posted by: Wookiep
a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX


The song in Sandra's departure was Lose Yourself by Eminem.


Which was perfect Btw, I wanted to tell you how well written that was, the way you incorporated that song, then I forgot after posting and editing Jack's Death. So good job on that!


Thanks!

That's a part straight out of the original story. I very slightly tweaked the lyrics so they can't get me for copyright...




posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 05:05 AM
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a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

Except that your character did not notice four dead bodies just laying in the street. Sandra had to arrive at the same time that Sue-Lin leaves so the bodies have to be there.

P



posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 05:09 AM
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originally posted by: pheonix358
a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

Except that your character did not notice four dead bodies just laying in the street. Sandra had to arrive at the same time that Sue-Lin leaves so the bodies have to be there.

P


I'd say she simply didn't care.

After finding Jackson dead, she probably already assumed some sh!t had hit the fan. Honestly, her first priority was to get out of town before anyone tried to stop her. Besides, the town was already littered with bodies in certain places due to the shootout a week prior.



posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 05:17 AM
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Okay... we're gonna need Church and Marcus soon.

The group is gonna need to make a big decision soon, and those two have gotta be present for it.



posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 05:18 AM
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originally posted by: XxNightAngelusxX

originally posted by: pheonix358
a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

Except that your character did not notice four dead bodies just laying in the street. Sandra had to arrive at the same time that Sue-Lin leaves so the bodies have to be there.

P


I'd say she simply didn't care.

After finding Jackson dead, she probably already assumed some sh!t had hit the fan. Honestly, her first priority was to get out of town before anyone tried to stop her. Besides, the town was already littered with bodies in certain places due to the shootout a week prior.


Yep .. though think they should consider burial party to start either burying or burning the dead bodies laying around before they end up with a disease outbreak from that ...



posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 05:21 AM
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Also!

Since Sue-Lin and Ryujin are meeting up, have they got an excuse to head northeast?

That's where Sandra (and the group eventually, spoilers) are going.

Also, SPOILERS, there is a conglomeration of survivors up that way. But they aren't raiders or rioters, they're regular people. They're the good guys.

Maybe Ryujin has a contact there or something. Any ideas?



posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 05:21 AM
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Nightangelus -

I noticed that Alan thinks Jack was unarmed when he left the bunker. Just as a note, in my second to last post, I did note that Jack was armed with his Colt, and his mother armed with a rifle. The situation that occurred with Jack was purely a result of Jack being careless in his excitement, exposing himself in the open without thinking ahead.

Thought you may want to know that.

edit on 8-6-2014 by Wookiep because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 05:23 AM
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a reply to: Wookiep

I remember...

Alan assumed he left without a gun simply because he left before Alan had the chance to open the armory for everyone.

Still, I'll go back and edit it. It'll make more sense that way.



posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 05:30 AM
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a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX

Cool, just thought you may wanna know. Great Job getting to Carol tho and getting her back to he bunker, I was actually touched reading it, crazy hahah.

And @Phoenix- I couldn't help but grin when Sun-Lin capped those bastards, nice quick response!



posted on Jun, 8 2014 @ 05:33 AM
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a reply to: XxNightAngelusxX
Hadnt planned on ryujin going anyplace for a couple chapters both to give the others a chance to add to story and bit of writers block redoing a couple ideas that had in mind .. gotta rewrite bit since jackson got killed .. but think ryujin can take a brief trip up that way to check on sandra .. hmmm ..



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