I think what you are experiencing is a wave of awakening. I'm not talking about you now going to join some cult or sect or what ever.
Spiritual awakening is unfortunately so much in contrast to what culture and ideology has created while the human race has existed that you almost
can't help being alienated a bit from what is, in my opinion also correctly called the herd.
But you have to be vary from now on, because while a lot of us who move on the path of awakening, that are also those who seem to misinterpret what
they are experiencing to the point of becoming dogmatized by their own evolution or who simply want to deceive for their own material benefit (fallen
ones you might call them... they saw what enlighten could do for them, but chose to remain in the game and use what they saw as a means to gain wealth
or power or whatever).
The ones you need to align yourself with is those who act out of genuine compassion... people who don't want you to join a church, pay a membership
fee, take your own life etc etc.
McKenna said at some point ( and I also wrote that in another thread ) that realizing that culture and ideology are not your friends will ultimately
lead to a certain kind of alienation. It's a given process...
As such it is also here that your choice will stand one of many tests, because freeing yourself cannot come without what your ego and society would
interpret as sacrifice... but this is where your greatest weapon toward enslavement will become useful; lack of fear... letting go.
Even you just writing here and sharing your challenge is you working towards being in balance with yourself. You already know where to go... society
has just given you the impression that going there is dangerous.
For what it's worth... all this technology, even the internet which we use to communicate right now, has in my opinion enslaved us even more than we
have ever been. We have indeed almost come to the point which McKenna talked about where we emerge ourselves in a virtual reality.
But for whose benefit?
Once you choose to step out, try to figure out how the game works. Then you can either at some later point choose to get back into to disrupt it, or
become the kind of vessel that returns to help others get out of it. Or you can just stay out... but this takes a bit more effort depending on the
obligations you have put on your vessel since money unfortunately is a real concept as long as the majority of the world chooses it to be. They can't
imprison your essence that inhabit your human body, but they can imprison the vessel and since your essence is experiencing all this through the human
body then being imprisoned in one way or another might not be that interesting in the long run
I'm working towards relieving myself of monetary debt, so I can choose to live a life free from worry or fear.
It's interesting how a drop of water on a leaf can look that much more interesting that the next deadline for whatever video or photo I have to make
for whatever unimportant client or listening to their talk about home improvements in the DIY offer they got themselves into... again based on debt.