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Should I Leave Well Enough Alone?

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posted on May, 18 2014 @ 07:17 PM
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As far as I can see, and this is only a personal opinion, relationships of all kinds are doomed to failure as long as we dont really know ourselves properly. A relationship can only last if we approach it from a mature and equal standpoint. One where each person is secure in themselves and does not need anyting from the other to be complete.

It is this looking for another to complete ourselves which is the crux of the whole thing. A needy person will suck the energy from their partner and often continually be the victim or doormat. This is why I think we need to be firmly grounded and secure in ourselves before entering into a relationship for it to be successful.

The other thing is that since life is a learning process, it is quite possible and likely that our partners are continually reflecting back to us the life lessons we have to learn. For example, if someone keeps attracting an abusive partner, then they may need to learn to respect themselves and realise that they cannot continue to hook up with this kind of partner.

Life moves on and we grow together or we grow apart. Both are OK but we need to realise this and if necessary, release the other so they and we can continue on our learning journey. Be grateful for the lessons we have learned together and look forward to another chapter with a new life tutor. Staying together after the relationship has broken down often leads to arguments and hurt and does nothing for any party involved in the situation.




posted on May, 18 2014 @ 09:12 PM
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a reply to: grayeagle

I didn't tell him I loved him and now he's with someone else. I let him slip away. I feel like I'm going to die with a broken heart. Tell her you love her. Be there for her. Her husbands gonna pass away and somebody else is going to scoop her up quick and your going to torture yourself for years for not doing it.



posted on May, 22 2014 @ 06:02 AM
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a reply to: grayeagle

It's really sweet that you have such strong feelings, and for so long. I have to ask, how much of that is based on your dream vision of her, and how much on the real person? Meaning, how well do you really know her? I don't want to downplay what you feel, because it's clearly strong and real, but the basis does matter.

At this stage, if she's married, leave it be for now. If, someday, she isn't, and you aren't, then you can tell her you are interested. Otherwise, you might be able to be a friend, and at least have some part of her life.



posted on May, 29 2014 @ 03:48 PM
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At this stage, if she's married, leave it be for now. If, someday, she isn't, and you aren't, then you can tell her you are interested. Otherwise, you might be able to be a friend, and at least have some part of her life.


I had this post all thought out, then saw the above...so will have to say "Ditto". Otherwise, yeah, you're being selfish.



posted on Jun, 5 2014 @ 10:57 PM
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a reply to: grayeagle

You wrote a poetic and lovely post.

that being said.....You put this woman up on a pedestal and kept her there. "She is the one that got away."

And because you have this fairy tale Disney fantasy in your head of how things are supposed to be, and you put someone in this ivory tower, is most likely the reason that both your marriages failed.

I can't even imagine being married to a man who constantly has some unknown goddess or Venus of love constantly on his mind.

You are chasing a ghost, a dream, an unrealistic fantasy.

You are going to be in for a HUGE disappointment when you find out that this lovely creature farts and poops and is just a dirty lowly human.

She is dealing with a terrible situation. Leave it alone. Just be a friend.



posted on Jun, 5 2014 @ 11:24 PM
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forget her.

GO out and meet someone new.

You are locked on the past (and your own insides), which is not what anyone else wants to be around. Approaching her at this point will be profoundly disrespectful, as she is focused on her husband, not your obsession with her. It will creep her out.

You wont grow as an individual in your time with her. So go find someone new; a stranger. You will treat a stranger better than this known lady, because you won't approach her with a whole bag of expectations.

I say all of this from experience. A lady friend of decades began circling in on my father as my mother was dying. He was horrified by it; he was not ready to 'move on,' from the love of his life, and this new woman seemed ghoulish and predatory when she professed her "I've secretly been in love with you for years" speech. (which is ALWAYS creepy as hell in real life. Don't be fooled by TV).



posted on Jun, 25 2014 @ 01:49 PM
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I appreciate all the responses. This friend has only known me as a friend and I have never intimated to her any different. I am being supportive of her as her husband is in the final stages of his life. His heart transplant has taken a toll on his body and now he is in renal failure. To those who may have thought that I had her up on a pedestal and that I am acting out some fairy tale let me assure you that is not the case. I have just been pondering that maybe some day in the future, after her morning, that I might share those feelings I have had for her. I am not totally soured to the thought of second chances.



posted on Jun, 25 2014 @ 01:56 PM
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Leave her alone.

She's a happily married woman who is dealing with her husband being ill. She doesn't need you to lay in wait for her husband to die just so you can pounce on her with declarations of undying love. Seriously dude .. two failed marriages and you've completely romanticized your thoughts towards her. Unrealistic. Kinda creepy as well. Wait .. scratch the 'kinda'. If this were me on the receiving end of the attention ... I'd be seriously creeped out.

Sorry. But you asked ....



posted on Jun, 25 2014 @ 05:16 PM
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a reply to: FlyersFan

I am not sure you read my previous posts accurately. I have NO intentions of pouncing! Can you tell me that there has never been a moment where you have not questioned your own decisions. You call it "creepy" that I would even consider sharing my thoughts with someone who you have already decided is happily married and you know nothing about her. Are you telling me that there is no one in your life where you missed an opportunity to tell them of your feelings?
The reason I put this out to ATS is to clarify my own thinking and consider other's perspecrtives. Thank you for sharing your perspective and I respect your opinion.



posted on Jul, 20 2014 @ 06:02 AM
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I'd say continue to support her as a friend as you have and in the future after a time you could let her know. See where it goes. Respect is key. You seem to have a kindness about you that tells me you are not sitting there with a voodoo doll of the husband just waiting and hoping for him to hurry up and die.



posted on Jul, 23 2014 @ 05:00 PM
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a reply to: rbkruspe

Thank you for your comment. Your suggestion is right on with my own thoughts. Peace




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