How to relax in uncomfortable and tense situations.

Let me first explain why this thread. Believe it or not but at an age past 40 I still do not have my drivers licence. In the first place I never needed to drive a car and did not have the urge to do so either. But now I need one for the job and just had my 8th lesson. Everything is going well but I am still too tense behind the wheel. In a month or so I will have my exam and surely can use some advice to keep my cool.. and able to radiate self-confidence.

Do you guys have any tips for finding relaxation while trying to concentrate...? Of course there are many other circumstances a person can become tense and need to relax. So, hopefully more people can profit from the tips given by other ATS-members.

a reply to: zatara

Breath deeply, that's all you have to do. Actually it's termed concentrated breathing and it can help relax you in a tense situations.
You need to inhale air slowly through your nose for roughly 4 seconds, hold it for a second, and then slowly release out of your mouth, then repeat. It may seem unnatural at first but keep at it. We typically use only the top part of our lungs and this method helps you utilize every breath. This will help calm you.

If nothing else works, try acting. If you act the part of a competent driver with nothing to worry about, it will directly affect you. In years gone by, people talked about 'Wearing different hats.' That is how a Soldier can learn to kill and still come home and be a loving parent. You take off one hat and put another one on.

Develop a persona, a character and play the role of a good driver. Works for me when I need to get outside of my comfort zone.

P

Laugh. Laughing breaks even the most tense situations.

a reply to: pheonix358

That's an interesting one... Always wanted to imitate Steve McQueen... hopefully I will keep remembering the speedlimit.

Thanks for that idea, will certainly try that one..

a reply to: TheLieWeLive

You tell it as if you used this technique with succes yourself. I will give it a go tommorow...

Thx.

A combo of the past few responses will work well. (IMO) From time to time I have to present certain cases to a room full of PhD's. I change my persona to be on of an intense alpha male and mix in a lil no BS attitude and I command the room. They respect my opinion when they rarely respect anyone. Fake it till it becomes normal. Just my buck fifty on the matter. Good luck and congrats on getting your license.

a reply to: BlastedCaddy

Wow.. the world is a "giant stage" attitude. I like that. Speaking to an audiance is for most people something scary. The other day I heared somebody say that you should imagine everybody sitting there in front of you in their underware.. That will take some serious imagination skills tho.

Thank for your input..

I get tense when I drive. Actually, I usually get plain old road rage, lol, but that's besides the point. Way back in the day when my father first taught me to drive, he told me something that has stuck with me. He said, "You have to relax because if you're gripping the wheel that tight you aren't going to be able to instinctively react the way you should if something happens that requires quick action, tightly holding on will make you OVER react, and probably mess you up worse than whatever happened in the first place".

I never have and still don't get along much with him, but that little gem of advice has actually saved me a couple of times.

So, when I find myself getting to tense, I replay his words, take a deep breath, and force myself to relax.

Good luck, hope that helps a little!

a reply to: dashen

hahahahaha...........

Be really prepared (over-prepared if necessary) and also visualize yourself going through the test with a positive outcome. That sounds trite, but it's a basic principal of our thoughts becoming our actions and then our reality.

I also agree with the deep breathing and other suggestions. Good luck!

originally posted by: TheLieWeLive
a reply to: zatara

Breath deeply, that's all you have to do. Actually it's termed concentrated breathing and it can help relax you in a tense situations.
You need to inhale air slowly through your nose for roughly 4 seconds, hold it for a second, and then slowly release out of your mouth, then repeat. It may seem unnatural at first but keep at it. We typically use only the top part of our lungs and this method helps you utilize every breath. This will help calm you.

This.

Too many people fail to realize the importance of deep breathing.

I don't want to pee on your bonfire but have you thought you may not be cut out for driving?

I'm just going off what you wrote...past 40, never driven nor felt the desire to.

Not everyone is meant to drive.

It's natural to be nervous for any test, but it shouldn't affect your performance...indeed, it should enhance it.

It sounds to me like you're not terribly confident and you've got a serious case of cold feet.

I would advise you buy a car, put learner plates on it, and get someone to go driving with as often as you can.

Then take the test in your own car.

That's what I did and it worked a treat.

If that doesn't work then you're probably a person who shouldn't be driving.

If that's the case, look for a different job that doesn't involve driving.

I hope I've been of some help (I don't charge for this service).

Happy to see so many good advice. Does what you eat before a test or performance matter? I mean, would it make a difference what I eat a few hours before or during? Would chewing chewing gum while driving be helpful or make things worse?

Everyone has offered great advice. And you should follow much of it.

But you should also be aware that people who learn to drive later in life tend to take longer to gain confidence and relax.

I recall a couple of friends of my parents who didn't learn to drive till their mid-forties. They both were initially uncomfortable driving on freeways. So they spent some months taking circuitous roads to work to avoid the freeways. But eventually they got used it. And it all became second nature to them.

So you should try the various relaxation techniques users have offered. But you should also realize time will sort all of this out. And you'll be a relaxed confident driver before you knows it.

And, remember, it can't be that hard. Look at all the morons on the road that do it with ease.

a reply to: CJCrawley

Ohh no, I like going fast. When I was much younger I had no problem riding fast bikes.. The thing is that at this moment there are many things to consider in a car (shift stick, clutch, throttle, break, meters...and such) besides watching the other traffiic. The idea to have not everything under control makes me insecure. I am a very careful person and maybe at times over concentrated which makes me tense..

originally posted by: beezzer

originally posted by: TheLieWeLive
a reply to: zatara

Breath deeply, that's all you have to do. Actually it's termed concentrated breathing and it can help relax you in a tense situations.
You need to inhale air slowly through your nose for roughly 4 seconds, hold it for a second, and then slowly release out of your mouth, then repeat. It may seem unnatural at first but keep at it. We typically use only the top part of our lungs and this method helps you utilize every breath. This will help calm you.

This.

Too many people fail to realize the importance of deep breathing.

So I shall be the third to say the breathing is the most helpful...IMHO... I have to do it all the time... I have super bad anxiety on the road. My therapist suggested the breathing and it really helps.

But I breath in through nose for 5 seconds...then hold for 4 ... Then breath out my mouth for 5 seconds.. Works for me.. Calms me down

Good luck to you!!!! And I think it's just really awesome that you haven't driven till now..

originally posted by: Moresby

And, remember, it can't be that hard. Look at all the morons on the road that do it with ease.

Yeah, I hear you...ha,ha. that was my first thought I held on to..

Thanks for your support.

a reply to: zatara

I used to hate presenting. The imagining folks in their skivvies thing is hard for me at least. I know others that have said that has worked. When I first used my theatrics I was told I came off a bit arrogant. I watched the vid and I agreed. I just fine tuned here and there. Now I find that persona popping up when I need to speak up or out. I just call it confidence now as it is 2nd nature.

Another way to help to reduce your tension is to put that source of tension into a more truer perspective.


As an example:

What's the big deal if you fail the test ?
You can turn around and take it again a few days later.
And again.
And again.

Until you finally pass.

Each time you take the test will actually increase your odds of passing because you'll know exactly what to expect, thereby naturally relaxing you about the whole ordeal.

It's not the end of the world if you fail the test first time around. Plenty of people do.


In a nutshell: Cut yourself some slack. We can be our own worst enemies sometimes.

Only one of two things is going to happen that day.... you'll either pass or fail. If you fail, then you march back over to the front desk and reschedule your next test right away.

Back on the horse, as they say.